Shameless and Shameful

Content warning: Vulgarity, Explicit Language, Sexual Violence 

We have been living together for almost a year. 

July 1st

“Hola, it’s Iggy,” I answer the phone, rummaging through my bag as I see the bus pulling up. 

“Hello, is this Ingrid?” an unsure voice calls out. 

Weird.

“Didn’t know we were on full name terms. Who’s this?” I question, opting to hop onto the bus from the back door, too lazy to fish out my coins. 

“Oh yes! This is Althea, your roommate. Or, uh, soon-to-be roommate.” 

Ah. 

“Gotcha. Whaddya want? Kinda in the middle of something,” I reply, squeezing ahead of people to grab the last seat.

“Oh my, I’m sorry to bother. Is this a good time?” she replies nervously. 

This girl’s stiff. 

“Nah you’re fine, what’s up?” I say, looking away quickly. Damn, why is it always when I get a seat, an old lady gets on the bus. I sigh. Yesterday, I faked being asleep when I saw ‘Mr. Older-Than-God’ enter the bus so today I need to give up my seat. I try to be a good person at least 50 percent of the time. If it's 50/50, how’s God supposed to know where to send me? Not that I’m religious… 

Shit. I wasn’t listening. “Speak up woman, didn’t catch any of that,” I half-yell into the phone, over the chatter of the bus.

“Um, I said I was wondering when you’ll be arriving at the apartment? The landlord’s going to hand the keys to us at 11 and it’s already 10:56,” she says meekly, not one decibel louder than before. 

That was today? 

“Oh yeahhhh, I meant to call you actually. My dad died this morning,” I say matter-of-factly. 

“OH… my god, I’m so sorry for your loss. Please ignore this call, I, uh, yeah, take as much time as you need,” she says frantically. 

Cute. 

“I’m just fucking with ya, why don’t you grab both the keys and I’ll be there sometime this week m’kay?” I say, eyeing a new seat that opened up. 

“Uh, yes?” 

“Perfect, nice talking with ya Ally Al,” I grin as I hang up. 

July 9th

“Damn this place is niceee,” I say, looking around.

“I’ve already bought all our shared necessities such as toilet paper, paper towels, kitchen utensils, etcetera. I’ve messaged you what you owe me, since we’ll obviously be splitting it halfway,” the girl says while rummaging through the cupboard. 

I open my messages. 

“$171??? Are you out of your mind woman?” I say in awe. Is this chick rich or what? And if she is, can’t she just pay for it?

“I’m unsure what you mean. Everything I bought was a necessity,” she replies curtly, still rummaging. 

“I don’t know who you think I am but I can’t afford that. Unless you want it in instalments. D’you take Afterpay?” I joke, jumping to lie on the couch. 

“What do you mean you can’t afford it??” she says in disbelief, halting her rummaging. “Our rent is much higher than that. Don’t you have a job?” 

“Okay big girl, I may have rent taken care of but no, I don’t have a job,” I say, switching on the TV. “Do you have a job?”

“Well…no. I suppose I don’t have one right now but I am in the process of recruitment. I should be employed soon enough,” she says defensively. “AND, I have more than enough savings to support myself for the next few months,” she adds quickly. 

“No judgment here Al,” I reply, disinterested.

“That’s besides the point,” she huffs. “How can you afford to live here when you have no job and apparently no savings either?” 

“Easy, I fuck this dude every month and he pays my rent.”

She stills. 

“But… What… Are you a?” she sputters. She takes a breath to recuperate. “I’m not quite sure I understand what you mean,” she finishes. 

“Met this guy at a bar and got him to sign this dumb fake contract I made on my phone and he actually thinks he could get charged if he doesn’t do it. Really great deal on my part cuz I’d totally fuck him for free since he’s hot as fuck but you know, it works in my favour that he’s not that bright,” I say smugly.

The girl looks at me as if her entire family was just obliterated. 

“You good Al? Come on, it’s not like you wouldn’t have done the same when the sex is so great.”

“Actually, I wouldn't know,” she says, turning away. 

“Why, you’ve never had a good fuck?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.  

Poor Al.

“No, I’ve never…” 

I gasp, sitting up.

“Are you a V-I-R-G-I-N?”

“You don’t need to spell it out,” she snaps before letting out a quiet ‘yes’. 

Even poorer Al. 

“Jeez Louise Al, no wonder you’re so uptight. You’ve got like twenty years of pent up shit in there,” I say pitifully. 

“There is nothing wrong with choosing not to engage in those sorts of activities. I am perfectly content without it,” Al says with her chin up. 

“Whatever you say Al,” I say, turning my attention to the TV. 

August 29th

“Slow down there Al, you’re gonna set the apartment on fire if you keep tryna do thirty things at once.” 

“I am perfectly capable of multitasking. Will you please get out of the kitchen? I need to finish sewing that hole in my shirt,” Al says while almost knocking a pan off the counter. 

“What’s got your panties in a twist this time?”

“I start my new job on September 1st which means I need to get everything done now,” she says while peering intensely at the sewing needle. 

Hope she didn’t forget about the patties on the stove. 

“Oh shit congrats Al! That means you can pay for the bills right,” I say excitedly. 

“Absolutely not,” she retorts with a glare. 

At least I tried. 

“I don’t get it. You should be celebrating, not doing whatever the fuck this is,” I say while gesturing to the kitchen and the mess on the table. 

“I have responsibilities I need to address,” she says, still trying to get the thread through the needle. “Oh NO!” 

She forgot about the patties on the stove. 

“You’re gonna be working as a corporate slave for god knows how many hours and you’re not gonna take advantage of your free time while you have it? If I were you, I’d be out on a bender getting shitfaced cuz when’s the next time I'd be able to do that with a full-time job hm? ” I say as I lean over the counter while Al tries to scrape the patties off the pan. 

I actually did go on a bender while I had a job once. Keyword is ‘had’. But that’s besides the point. 

“I don’t know what you’re going on about but I need to focus right now!” Al says hysterically. 

She’s losing it. 

WAIT. 

“AL,” I yell, slamming my hands on the counter. 

“What in the world—” 

“This is the perfect time to lose that v-card!” I say excitedly. 

Al gives me a blank stare and then resumes scraping. 

“No I’m serious Al,” I whine. “What better way to celebrate than to get ‘some’ for the first time. I promise promise promise that if we go out tonight, I can find you the perfect man. I’ve got a 95% success rate at guessing dude’s dick sizes,” I say pleadingly.

Al looks scandalized. “I don’t even want to know…” 

She didn’t end up going out that night (boring). 

October 7th

“Would you ever like, really, suck a guy’s balls?” I ask while flipping through the newspaper.

Al whips her head around and looks at me with horror. “That is very crude of you to say. You shouldn’t say things like that so loudly during broad daylight,” she says pointedly. 

I don’t know what daylight has to do with anything but oo! There’s a horoscope page. 

“I’ve sucked a fair amount of dicks in my day but something about really going ham on someone’s balls is just kinda unsettling even for me. Like, does he deserve that? I feel like I need to know the person to do that sorta thing. Or at least get paid ya know.” 

Seriously though. I’ve been thinking about this for a while now. 

“To be clear, I am not engaging in conversations on this topic,” Al says, turning red. 

Still fascinating to me that she acts like a tween caught watching porn when I mention anything related to sex. 

‘Your horoscope this week: Patience is key. Progress takes time and effort.’ 

Huh, boring. 

Wait. Progress? 

Al still refuses to talk to me about penises which is getting a bit frustrating. After all, when you face so many dicks, there’s just so many things to talk about. 

I stand up. 

“Al, you busy right now?” 

“Yes, I’ve got this garden party to plan for my co-workers and I’m—” 

“Perfect, you’re free then,” I interrupt as I drag her to the couch. 

I sit us down and I grab her hand. 

“Al, I think it’s about time we talk about this,” I say seriously. 

She seems to notice the shift in my tone. 

“Okay I’m listening. What is it?” she asks, looking a bit scared. 

Good.

“It’s time for you to watch porn.”

“WHAT?” she says, jumping to her feet. 

“Shhh, don’t worry. I’ve got you,” I say as I smush my finger to her mouth and guide her to sit back down. She obeys of course. What an angel. 

We ended up watching 365 days (I’m not that mean). 

December 17th

Ever since then, I’ve made it my mission to eventually get Al laid. The girl is 26, gone through college, and still hasn’t even touched a penis. And she’s not even religious! Admittedly, she’s grown on me and I’m just trying to look out for her. She won’t survive out there on her own! Too innocent for her own good.

“Do you want a boyfriend babygirllll,” I slur out. We’ve made it a tradition to drink together every time something good happens at her work.

Al giggles at my reference. We’ve watched all the movies now. Can you believe there are three? 

“Naurr, that’s too much work. I have work already.” Al never gets this relaxed unless we drink. She can’t handle her alcohol that well which obviously, isn’t a surprise. 

“Well then who are you gonna have sex with?” I say, standing up with my hands on my hips. 

Al laughs again. She’s so cute when she laughs. 

“I dunno, you don’t have a boyfriend and you have sex,” she replies, still giggling. 

“That is correct my pupil! There is no shame in having sex with another person as long as it is consensual,” I say, mimicking a professor with our TV as the chalkboard. 

“Hmm, must be nice. You can have fun with no consequences. No strings attached,” Al says while burying her face into our couch pillow. 

“Very true, as long as you remember to use protection,” I say as I turn to Al but she’s already asleep. I grab her a blanket and set a glass of water on the coffee table before heading to bed.

February 14th

“Happy birthday Ally Al!” I exclaim with a poorly decorated cake in my hands. Al smiles as she blows out the lopsided candles I stabbed into the ugly thing. 

“Is that a penis?” she questions as she looks more closely at the cake. 

“Sure is. Dicks are great for celebrating,” I say with a grin, turning to grab a knife. I drew the ‘l’ in Al as a penis. 

“You’re vulgar,” Al replies but when I look over my shoulder, she’s smiling too. We’ve gotten used to each other. 

It makes total sense that Al’s birthday is also Valentine’s day. Under all the stress and prudeness (I’m working on it), she’s really the most lovely person I know. 

The birthday party consists of just the two of us but we have a blast anyways. It’s not like we have any other friends (LOL). Al is always working (and a tough shell to crack) and I’ve always found it hard to find people who don't slut-shame. It’s the 21st century and I’ve always been very responsible with my ‘sextivities’ (LET ME BE FREE). 

But Al doesn’t judge me. We couldn’t be more different but we’re good for each other. She makes me more responsible (...not that much more, but it’s more than anyone else has managed) and I get her to have fun. 

“It’s time for the present~” I sing as I reveal a box from behind my back. 

“You didn’t have to but thank you,” Al says, accepting it with a smile. 

I knew exactly what to get her. Exactly what she needed to be precise (can you guess?). 

She carefully unwraps my shitty wrapping job and stares at the text on the box. 

‘Rechargeable Suction Vibe: The Rose’

“Oh, is it a fake rose? That’s so cute Iggy! That’s perfect since it won’t die like a real flower,” Al says happily. 

“It’s a vibrator.”

Al sighs. 

May 2nd 

I hear the front door open. 

Weird. It’s midday meaning Al shouldn’t be done with work already. I walk out of my room to greet her. 

“What are you doing back home Al?” I call out as I round the corner. 

Al looks…terrible. Heavy bags under her eyes, her clothes are rumpled, and her shoulders are sagging in a way that just screams ‘defeat’. 

“I got fired,” Al says quietly. 

“What?” I exclaim in disbelief. “You’re joking right? You’re the hardest worker I’ve ever seen!” 

“I guess that doesn’t matter when the CEO’s daughter wants your spot,” she replies weakly, bowing her head. 

I’m livid. 

“Are you fucking kidding me? They fired you because the CEO’s daughter wanted your position? What dumbasses. They just lost their best asset. Don’t mind them Al, you’re amazing and they’re stupid to let you go. Fuck em,” I say, walking closer to check if she’s crying. 

When I look at her, instead of sadness, I see the weariness on her face turn into anger. 

“Yeah, you’re right. FUCK THEM,” Al shouts. 

“YEAH AL,” I encourage. 

“They’re going to lose SO much money without me and I don’t care because it’s NOT MY PROBLEM ANYMORE,” Al fumes. 

“99 problems but they ain’t one,” I add, with the smoothness of chunky peanut butter. 

…

Al bursts out laughing. 

Good, it’s been forever since I’ve seen her laugh. 

“You know what Iggy,” Al says once she’s stopped laughing. 

“What?” I say expectantly. 

“I think it’s time for me to get laid.” 

Am I hearing this right? Are you reading this right? DID AL JUST SAY SHE WANTS TO GET LAID— 

“Really? Are you sure Al?” I say seriously. 

“I thought you’d be jumping up and down. Isn’t that what you wanted?” she says, a bit confused. 

“Well, I mean yes. But having sex is 100% your decision and I don’t want you to regret it,” I reply. I don’t want Al to do this just because she’s worked up from getting fired. 

Al smiles. “Thanks Iggy, but I think it’s about time don’t you think?” 

-

The girls know that getting ready is practically the best part of the night. I’m having the time of my life, getting ready for the club with my best friend for the first time. We’ve got music blasting and at least 4 shots in us both before leaving the house. 

“Why so many shots,” Al groans as we’re walking to the club. 

“Because if you’re not tipsy, you’re gonna get overwhelmed once we get in there and drinks are fucking expensive,” I explain again (she asked the same question an hour ago). Al tends to forget things when she’s drunk. 

“What’s the criteria again Al?” 

“Taller than me, dark hair, nice jawline, and looks like he has a job,” Al says with a grin, leaning onto me as we walk. 

“You got it Al.” 

We finally make it to the club and the shots are starting to hit. Al looks like she’s having fun, seeing how she’s jumping up and down so enthusiastically. I tap her shoulder. 

“ARE YOU HAVING FUN?” I yell at her. She yells back, “YES! DO YOU WANT ANOTHER DRINK?” 

“SURE,” I shout back. She grabs my wrist and starts walking towards the bar but I stop. She looks at me and I shake my head. I jut my thumb out to our left and mouth ‘the table’. 

There’s a group of guys at a table and it looks like they just opened a new bottle. Bingo. 

One of the guys starts talking to Al and I squint at them. 1, 2, 3… NICE! He’s got all 4. And it looks like he’s a 5 down there which is perfect (for the first time). I look at Al and she’s smiling. Beautiful. 

I turn around as they pour us shots and I scan the rest of the men. Now that Al’s been taken care of, I can have some fun myself right? 

Soon enough, the guy I’ve been dancing with is pulling me towards the bathroom and you guys know what comes next. 

After we finish (haha), I step back into the club and look around to find Al. Surely, she hasn’t gone home with that guy already? 

I look everywhere but I can’t find her. 

Present

We had been living together for almost a year. 

I finish adjusting the cutlery the way she likes and grab my bags. 

4 men from the table raped Althea that night. 

I have enough shame to never bother her again. 

Inspired by Fleabag.