Far from Sanity

Chapter 1

Allen came from his therapy session with tears in his eyes and a light heart. Talking to his therapist always left him emotional. He spoke about how he felt at the moment, what triggered it, and what to do when that time comes again. Writing it down tends to help.

Sometimes talking to his mother and friends, but he never wants to give them everything. He witnessed death, some he caused with his own hands. He could never sleep right without seeing the sight of his victim's blood or hearing gunshots. He always panics and yells in his sleep.

Allen felt horrible that he would wake up his mother and she is the one the hold him while he cried. He always considered running away and living on the streets, but even then, he was scared. Part of him thought he was still being hunted down. Allen didn't know what to think or do.

So he just acted. Three days later, the cops found him panicking in an alley next to a dumpster because a hobo was afraid of Allen speaking gibberish and not responding to no one. Allen's mother gave him an earful, but was overall happy he was safe and unharmed.

After that incident, Allen's mother gave sent him to a therapist and made sure he took his meds every morning. He waited outside for his mother outside the clinic, still thankful his mother made him go here. Sadly though, he was still scared of driving a car.

At least, not on a highway. He still remembers when he made that car wreck. Darrel almost died there. Darrel almost died period. Darrel was a self-sacrificing idiot Allen still loved. Darrel was also suffering in ways Allen will never know and it hurt Allen heart how he'll never understand.

Darrel was suffering from TBI aka Traumatic Brain Injury. It was moderate to severe, but Darrel was a strong person and someone Allen would forever admire. Allen's mother pulled up and Allen sat in the backseat with his notebook full of inner thoughts and dark secrets.

"How was this session, Al? Anything you want to talk about?" His mother asked. Allen didn't feel stable enough to talk quite yet. "The session went well mom. And I don't feel like talking about it yet." His mother nodded understandingly. Allen bit his lip before asking, "Have you hear anything about Darrel?" His mother sighed.

She believes it would help if Allen stayed away from Darrel, figuring separating the two so their lives would go a bit more smoothly. That only caused fights between Allen and his mother.

Knowing how sensitive Allen was on the topic of Darrel, she carefully picked out her words. "Son, I haven't heard anything from Darrel's brothers or friends, but I'm sure he's doing okay. In the meantime, you should be focusing on your first day of school in two weeks. That is if you believe you'll be alright."

Allen nodded, noticing how his mother changed the subject. Allen decided to ask his friends instead later. "I will. Maybe I can go to the local stores to get school supplies tomorrow." Allen's mother hummed. "I see no problem with that." Allen's mother had been picky where he should go, not wanting him too far away.

The Rome incident and four months of being supposedly dead really scared her. They road in silence the rest of the way till they got home. Allen went straight to his room while his mother called out that he was fixing dinner now. He went straight to his desk and sat his notebook on his desk.

He was considering writing more, but change his mind. He can't handle it right now to think back at the memories yet. So he got on his bed to rest, but his mind raced against his control.

You're a murderer.

You're a psycho.

You don't deserve to live.

You killed him.

BANG!

"AHHH!!"

Allen covered his ears as if to protect himself from the voices. His mother rushed in and coaxed him from his mind. "It's okay sweetie. I'm here. Breathe in. Breathe out. That's right honey." Allen started breathing evenly, his head starting to hurt.

Okay, so the therapy session left him very emotional, but his heart was still light. He was glad he shared it with someone, but it only meant that memory would still fresh to think about. His mind was a dangerous place for him, but he had nowhere to go when it comes to thinking.

"I'm okay now, mom. Can I take a nap?" Allen's mother looked worried but nodded. Allen got comfortable on his bed and focus on his breathing. Like always, his mind strayed to Darrel. He hoped everything was alright, but he highly doubts it.

Chapter 2

Darrel was always in pain. His head always throbbed and sometimes worsens, sometimes he would forget his name. He would sleep days at a time and suffer from seizures and always feel ill. He could barely move his body, but he was getting better.

He had to wear glasses since his eyesight went blurry. His brother's tried to help him the best they can. They moved around furniture so the place had more openness. They gave him a dog that would help with his mental depression and his seizures and his fainting spells. Such a good dog. He had to take meds at certain hours, has to be woken up at certain hours or he won't wake up for days.

Darrel felt like a burden to his family and friends. He felt immobile. Stuck. Also confused. He don't know what happen to him. He remembers going to Rome with his friends but doesn't know what happened after. The funny thing was that he'll have nightmares, but never remember what it was about.

It was cruel, he knows that. But he felt that he forgot something important to him. Something near and dear to him. He has no clue. He knew it had something to do with Allen. Why else would he be by Darrel's bedside.

They don't like each other. He thought maybe Allen had something to do with the state he was in, but he knew Allen wasn't that cruel. Maybe he was there. He didn't know. Part of him didn't want to know.

Okay, that was a lie. He do.

But his brother, the older one, what his name? The doctor one. It had the same letter as his own. Drake? David? Danny? No, wait, Daniel. That's right. Daniel said it was his brain way of protecting itself. When the time was right, he'll remember. But until then he was supposed to heal. How was he supposed to heal through if he doesn't remember what happened in the first place?

Darrel sat up in bed, out of the covers since he was hot. His dog, a German Shepard name Daisy due to her light coat of fur, whine and sat up, looking at Darrel. Darrel was starting to stare at the wall for a moment. Darrel was trying to figure out what his other brother name was.

Or his own name really. The dog came up the bed and lay Darrel down, which he didn't mind. He was starting to see darkness anyway. Darrel's legs and arms started jerking uncontrollably. Daisy pressed her body next to Darrel, turning him to his side so Darrel had better airway.

Daisy barked a couple of times till Ryan and Zack came into the room and saw Darrel having a seizure. They thanked Daisy and put Darrel on the floor so he had more room to move around without hurting himself and not strangle himself with the covers.

They put a soft pad under Darrel's head, keeping Darrel on his side. Zack tries to time it on his watch he always has on. It lasted three minutes, give it a few seconds. Darrel soon started to calm and Ryan went to get a glass of water. Zack waited till Darrel wake up to sit him up, not wanting to assume.

Thankfully, his seizures were getting shorter. The first time it happened, it lasted more than ten minutes and it frightened Zack to the core while Daniel helped Darrel while calling 911. Daisy started licking Darrel's cheek as Darrel came through. He didn't know what happened or how he got on the floor.

His muscles felt sore and his tongue hurt a bit, but not too bad. "Darrel, honey?" Darrel hummed, not ready for talking yet. Ryan came back with the water. Zack sat Darrel up. "Thanks to Daisy, we found out. I really want you to sleep in my room so I'll keep you in sight." Darrel shook his head slowly.

It was bad enough he needed help going to the bathroom. He wanted privacy. Something to call his own. Zack nodded before telling how he suffered a seizure. It was old news for Darrel. Darrel asked for water, his hands still shaking a bit. Ryan help Darrel sip some water.

Then Ryan and Zack help Darrel up onto his feet to walk him to the living room since Darrel still felt weak in his legs and hands. Zack really was about to help Darrel get stronger with his hand grip and legs. It agitated Darrel a bit, which would lead to Darrel yelling about all his problems.

But he was too tired to argue. Sleep really was a guessing game for Darrel. Some nights, he'll get sleep while some nights, he's suffering another seizure or so confused where he was. "You'll be back together in no time. It just takes time. Okay?"Ryan told Darrel, seeing Darrel getting down.

Ryan always hope Darrel gets better. He and his friends were supposed to update each other when it was their turn to take care of Darrel, making sure to tell Allen a bit, but not enough to make him go find Darrel. Darrel was still healing and they didn't know how Darrel would feel seeing Allen. One day at a time. That's all it takes. One day at a time.

Chapter 3

Allen was in a dark place. He was trying to figure out why he was still living. Why did he survive all that? He was nothing but a junior in High school who was supposed to enjoy a trip to Rome. But it turned deadly and it was about saving his life and Darrel's. No, Darrel saved his life. So many times Darrel save his life, and yet he was the one paying for it. He took a bullet for Allen.

How the hell was Allen was supposed to repay for that?

When Darrel woke up, he was so happy, only to be hurt. Darrel didn't recognize him. Darrel wasn't mean about it. That what Allen thought anyway since Darrel was confused at the time. Then again, Darrel didn't remember his own name. It was like a blessing for Darrel in a way.

He didn't have to suffer nightmares about it. Maybe after a few years of hard work to get Darrel stable, maybe he could live a normal life. Allen was willing to take the burden of the memories for Darrel. Darrel suffered too much during that time. Allen remembers Darrel panicking, drugged, crying out of fear as he held the gun, Allen can't get it out of his head. He felt like he should have been the one to get shot. That maybe he should have been dead.

He could end it.

Right now

No one won't miss him.

Everyone is living their lives.

Allen was considering it until there was a knock on his bedroom door. Allen looked up, not realizing he was staring at his hands. His friends Nick and Steven came in with a smile. Allen couldn't give one back. "Hey man. Whatcha up to?" Nick asked. Allen only shrugged, not really knowing why they are here.

Allen was expecting them to finally leave him. They already graduated and was heading to college. The college was local, but Allen felt they were far away. "Why are you here?" Allen asked, not really caring about the answer. "Can't we just visit because you're our friend?" Steven asked.

Allen laid in his bed, turning his back to his friends. "I don't want friends or family. I just want to be alone." Allen stated harshly, not seeing the hurt expressions on Nick and Steven's face. Allen wanted to cry. He didn't know what to do. He just wants to be done with this whole thing. What did he do to deserve to this? More importantly, What did Darrel do to deserve the way he is now.

You can end it.

Maybe take Darrel with you.

He'll be happy for you to end his suffering.

"I don't think you need to be alone. Have you taking your meds, Allen?" Nick asked. It really was an innocent question, but Allen took offense to it. He turned and look at his friends angrily and said, "WHAT THE FUCK MEDS ARE GOING TO DO?! It's always meds this, meds that, here, take this med.

Oh it's not working, take this one. I'm tired of meds. I'm tired of my life. I...I just want to be alone." Allen cried that last part. He was tired and drain. He didn't know what he was living for. He killed people. It only makes it fair if he kills himself.

Steven and Nick shared a look, processing what they heard. They knew Allen was suffering, so they would never take Allen's comments to heart. No matter how rude or mean Allen has been to them, after hearing what he had been through, he was allowed to feel this way. But they would never leave their friend behind.

Nick and Steven got into the tight bed, putting Allen in the middle. Feeling his friend's bodies against his own, Allen started crying. He didn't know why, but it felt good to just cuddle someone and let go. It wasn't the person he wants to do it with, but it was close enough. Maybe he was wanted.