Fear Outside My Paradise

I live on a tropical island with my island and two dogs. When I have to venture off my island, I become scared. This is my life. It’s quiet and the only noise around me is nature. I don’t have to encounter anyone at anytime. It is just me, my husband and two dogs that live with me on my tropical island.  When ever I have to go off my tropical island I become filled with fear.   

The only thing that I know about the outside world is from what I see on the television or on the internet.  Most of the stuff I see off my island is not anything that interests me at all. My island is my paradise. I don’t want to be anywhere else but my island. I am at peace. I love to cook and clean. I live off the land here. Naure is my bounty and I truly mean that. I don’t know what I would be or how I would be if I didn’t have my island. 

There are so many noises and so many people outside my island.  So much activity. There are lights everywhere. On stores and streetlights.  The noise of the cars and sounds of the people.  People are very rude and right down mean.  Yes, there are some very nice people out there, but to me most of them appear to be mean and rude.  Maybe this world isn’t any good for anyone out there. 

I prefer to stay on my own little tropical island where all I can hear is the sound of nature. If I want to listen to some music, then I do but at my own choosing. My husband likes to be on our tropical island very much. He enjoys the same things that I do. But his urge to venture off our island is stronger than mine. I hear him complain every time he returns about so many things. I wonder to myself, “Why would you want to leave our island to go out into such a horrible world.   

I also see my husband venture off our island, and he really enjoys himself. He goes out to eat with his friends or goes out to just get together and do whatever everyone wants to do. He’s gone snowmobiling with his friends and he really enjoys those times off our island. For him going off our island is something I think he has to do to keep up with what is going on around him. He enjoys talking to people and doing things off the island. Me, I like to stay where I control my surroundings.   

To me people and their families and kids are way too much for me. I think my mind and body has become so adjusted to being alone on my tropical island and having a choice to what is around me is a big comfort to me but a big obstacle that stands in the way of a, what people call, normal life. Is it a bad thing that I prefer not to be around such a life off my island?   

I don’t mind living without people in my life.  This is who I am as a person and I am so lucky to be able to live this kind of life.  Maybe that is what is wrong with this world.  There are just too many people.  There is so much out there that stimulates a person’s brain that it would be easy for anyone out there to lose it.   

For me to walk into a store take a lot out of me. People are all around me. Everywhere I look there is someone. I try to avoid people by going down isles that no one is in or maybe there are less people in that isle. It feels strange to be around other people. I don’t know them, and I don’t know what they do. I don’t want to know if they are nice or mean. I just want to get what I need and get out of this place where there is so much going on around me. Get me back to my tropical island please! And then just trying to get out of the parking lot without getting hit by another car who doesn’t care who they are intercepting. I feel so lucky when I finally make it to the road.   

Traffic is horrible. So many different vehicles big and small. Very loud and not so loud. Some of them are driving by the rules and others are just doing what they want to do, I guess. Running street lights and stop signs. I don’t get it. People drive so close behind me that is scares me that I can’t even see their headlights. There are these people out there that at a four way stop, thinks that if they are there first then they have the right away and they pull right in front of me like I have no rights. What is wrong with these people? Why do people have to be so rude and uncaring. I see it everywhere I go when I am off my tropical island.   

The world off my tropical island is scary, busy, noisy, mean, uncaring and just plain not a place that I ever want to be in again. I go off my tropical island when I have to, but I prefer to stay where I can feel warmth and happiness.  I enjoy my time spent the way I want to spend my time to myself. I have my two dogs that keep me company while my husband is away. We spend a lot of time together and they rarely leave my side. My one dog will walk beside me with her mouth around my hand. She likes to hold my hand when we walk. My other dog is protective of me.  Everytime we get a visitor on our island, which is usually one of my husband's friends, my one dog becomes very protective of me and will not leave my side.  

I enjoy being able to write when I want to write and clean when I want to clean. I enjoy spending time outside looking at the wonder of the space around me and smile when I see what is there. Why would I want to be anywhere else? This is my life and I wouldn't have it any other way. So please leave me alone on my tropical island. I don’t want to know what goes on beyond my island. My live is the solitude that it brings me. I will continue to live and I will die on my own tropical island. Thank you very much.