Snails Go Down

Trigger Warning:

• Anxiety
• Obsession
• Depression

Every snail born in the Lands Between knows when their story will end. This is not a matter of prophecy or foresight but rather something much more beautiful. Like their shells with patterns of warm terracotta and spirals of soft browns, the inevitable end is woven into their very existence. Despite this, or maybe because of it, they do not run from fate nor seek it. Instead, every snail spends their days basking in nature’s lavish greens.

Aine was a small creature with a long-lived life, their shell a faded brown with patterns lost and broken. It was on this day, when the sun was highest and pale yellow flowers had bloomed, that the realization came: Aine’s story was at an end. The old snail wanted to laugh. Unlike their peers, Aine had spent their early life plagued by anxiety, making each day a struggle. Yet now there was a blissful serenity, a peaceful relief, and a growing satisfaction. They realized how time had changed them, turning fear into appreciation and anxiety into acceptance.

The rest of the day, Aine spent listening to an orchestra of birds, feeling the sunlight on their skin, and watching as the wind danced with the grass. And as the sun tucked itself behind the horizon, a brilliant blue moon illuminated the Lands Between with an azure hue.

“I wish I could stay here forever.” Aine looked towards the brimming stars. Like all living creatures, they spent a lifetime searching for love both from without and within. “I better go then.”

**

If we were to take a look into Aine’s mind at this moment, we would be transported to a time long since past; a time much like the present, only with a small snail whose shell was a pristine umber burnt spiral with patterns of flower buds in bloom. During this time, Aine spent most of their days either running or hiding away.

So was the case one night, when cool gray clouds tucked in the sky, soft blue raindrops danced with serene precision, and snails from all over the Lands Between joined in unison to experience the soothing aroma of a refreshing shower.

Yet Aine wanted nothing more than to go somewhere far, far away. Too many snails. They thought. Too much noise. It was much easier to stay in the burrow, in the shell, but there was a tinge of something else deep down, a feeling of desire maybe?

What’s wrong with me? Aine’s mind was like a nest of wasps, each thought landing with a sharper sting than the last. The hum of anxiety always buzzing in their ear. Life is such a lonely thing. They wanted to be accepted; they wanted to be a part of the group, and yet Aine spent every waking moment straying from it. They could not explain why. Why they felt so different? Why did no one understand them? Well, no one apart from their best friend.

“Aine!” Slaine’s voice boomed like thunder. Although startled, the young snail immediately perked up with excitement. “There you are.” Slaine was a representation of strength and beauty with a shell as big and tough as a rock and patterns resembling clouds drifting on a golden-brown sky. Leaves and flowers of all kinds adorned its surface—daisies, daffodils, and most prominently, lavender—each one placed with care.

“What’s up?!” Aine tried to mask their feelings, but a squeaky voice and antennae that were practically jumping with joy gave it all away.

“The sky.” Slaine said with a dry tone. Their voice was like music to Aine’s ears, the way they moved although sluggish was like an improvised dance. “You ready to go?”

“I am…” Aine wanted to refuse; every fiber of their being wanted to just sit in the small burrow and wait it out, but this was Slaine. How could they? “Give me a few minutes.” Aine sighed and began preparing mentally for the battle ahead.

“You seem nervous.” Slaine leaned a little bit closer. “Don’t worry, if someone says anything to you I’ll punch them in the face.”

Aine giggled. “There’s no need.” The shy snail tried to present themselves as unbothered while they grabbed whatever leaves and flowers were nearby. “I don’t really care about the festival. It’s just precipitation.”

“I don’t know what that means. Anyway, we might find you something or someone.” Slaine nudged Aine as they instinctively started going back into their shell.

“Yeah. Maybe.” The shy snail wanted to say more; they wanted to say. I want to find you. Your eyes are like shining stars on an azure night sky. Your skin is sunlight made true. Your voice is like an orchestra of birds, and my feelings for you dance in my heart like the wind. But they couldn’t.

“So how do I look?” Aine said instead, their shell decorated with scattered leaves and a few bluebells here and there.

“Terrible.” Slaine laughed.

“You know what your problem is. You’re honest to a fault.”

“Yeah, but that’s why you love me.” Slaine embraced Aine as they went on ahead.

You have no idea.

The two snails made their way to a vast field of lavender, accented by shells of different colors and sizes. The falling rain was like a piano and the distant thunder like drums in nature’s orchestra. Actually not that bad. Aine thought as they took in the nostalgic aroma of turned soil and damp earth.

“I knew you would like it here.” Slaine said as their eyes grew with anticipation.

“So you can read my mind now?” Aine smiled softly.

“Something like that.” Slaine laughed.

Aine looked into their friend’s eyes and made a decision. Tonight. I will tell them tonight. It was the perfect plan; they would wait until the moon was at its zenith, get Slaine to go somewhere private, and confess. My happiness, you are my happiness. Maybe then Aine would stop feeling so alone, so different. I need you. Is that truly what you need? I love you. Do you? Slaine loves me too. Deep down, a part of Aine knew that this would not end well, but that was a voice unheard. The decision was made.

“Can you tell what I’m thinking right now?” Aine grew a wide grin.

“Nope. My powers work only once on a rainy night.”

“That seems a little restrictive.”

“It’s a struggle to be honest.” Slaine giggled. “Come on, the others are waiting.”

Others? Aine’s stomach dropped. “What others?”

“Our friends.” Slaine had a slightly confused look in their eye. “Enna, Finn, Ita, and Ide.”

“You mean your friends?”

“All of them like you a lot, you know. Just relax and enjoy.”

Do they? How can they when no one understands me? Aine’s antennae curled and their body slumped slightly back into its shell. “I’ll try.”

Slaine danced with the pouring rain, moving as if entranced by nature. With closed eyes and an open heart, they surrendered to the moment. Every step, every twirl, brought them closer to the very essence of the earth. Another step, another twist, and Slaine was moving as if they were the rain itself. Their body, their mind, all of them, intertwined in a timeless embrace. Their laughter and joy grew as Aine stood by the sidelines watching the moon.

Almost time. The small snail thought. Too noisy. Come on. Come on. What if she’s disgusted? I’ll say I was joking. No, that’s dumb. I’ll just run away. Go somewhere not here, somewhere far far away. And then what? I’ll try to do better, I’ll try to be better…with Slaine. If they are by my side I won’t need to hide anymore, I won’t need to run. I’ll become my best self. All I need is Slaine.

“Hey, you okay?”

Aine turned their head, half-expecting it to be Slaine. Instead, they were met by the ivory white shell of Enna.

“Yeah, just thinking about some stuff.” Aine said solemnly.

“I wanted to thank you. For helping me with my burrow the other day.” Enna smiled.

“No problem.” Aine’s antennae curled with embarrassment.

“You’re not joining in the festivities?”

“No.”

“Ah, me neither. I like to just sit and watch the beauty of it all. The moon, the stars, the rain, the dance. Just take in the aroma and enjoy the small things in life. I guess we’re kinda similar.”

“I guess.” Aine stretched their body. But not really.

“So you found yourself a partner yet?” Enna laughed.

“Not really.”

“That’s good. You know you should focus on yourself first before anything else.”

What’s that supposed to mean? Aine snarled in their mind. “Well, if you have the right partner that will help a lot.”

“Hmmm, I don’t think so." Enna shook their head. "If you hate yourself now, you will also hate yourself in the relationship too.”

Aine stood there for a moment, staring at Enna. What they said did make sense, but Enna didn’t know Aine, not really. They and Slaine loved each other, and after tonight everything would be better. Speaking of which.

“Hey, have you seen Slaine?” Aine looked at the moon now shining atop the sky like a beacon of hope. “I need to tell them something.”

“I think they went to the woods with Ide.”

“With Ide?” Aine’s heart sank. “Why?”

Time seemed to slow down for a moment. “I think they’re together or something.” And as soon as the words left Enna’s mouth, the world began to spin. In that moment, Aine felt distant, everything felt distant, nothing seemed real. “You should really be more present, my friend.” But before Enna had finished the sentence, Aine was already rushing to the trees.

Is it true? Or some sort of misunderstanding? The young snail felt like they were flying through the field, their vision narrow and focused. I’m such an idiot. Why would I ever believe someone could love me? WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME!? Aine was screaming in their mind as two shapes formed behind the tree line.

Slaine and Ide were in the middle of a loving embrace, and tears of deep indigo began to pour like the rain.

“Aine?” Slaine turned their head in confusion.

The young snail, filled with agony and sorrow, ran in the opposite direction. Eyesight blurry and a heart so heavy it was difficult to breathe. Collapsing beneath the gray clouds and the dusky sage leaves, Aine cried out with the distant thunder crack.

“Aine, what happened?” Slaine’s eyes grew wider with worry.

“W-why?” Aine buried their head into the ground. “Why did you follow me?”

“Because I’m your friend.”

“No, you’re not.”

“What?”

“You don’t love me.” As soon as the words left Aine’s mouth, regret seeped in, and without a moment’s hesitation, they began running once more. Aine didn’t know what would happen next or where they were going, but one thing was for sure. Life didn’t seem like it was worth living anymore.

Morning came, the air thick with dew. Slaine slid across the lavender field, the sweet purple aroma carried by a soft breeze, merely a distant comfort. They had spent the night searching, worry etched deep into their beating heart. It wasn’t until they reached the foot of a mint hill that they spotted it - a shadow cast on the green and purple accents. An umber burnt shell.

“AINE!” Slaine’s cry echoed through the quiet morning, as the worst passed through their mind.

The younger Aine began to slowly come out of their shell, a tinge of guilt springing from within the heart. “I’m fine.” They averted their gaze as they slid down the hill, with eyes full of dew and a stomach that was turning over itself.

“Don’t lie to me.” Slaine said firmly, blocking their friend’s path. Relief, anger, and confusion dancing in their heart. “Did I do something wrong? If I did, please tell me. I don’t want to lose my best friend.” Their voice a pleading cry, their eyes wet like the dewy grass.

“It’s not you.” Aine’s voice was cracked and tired. They took a deep breath, feeling the weight of their emotions. “It’s me.”

“I don’t understand. Please just explain it to me. What happened?”

Aine averted their gaze, trying to hold on to those dreadful words. “I want to tell you how my story will end.” They said with a solemn look.

“Aine!” Slaine said sharply. “That’s not something…”

“Please. That's all I ask, it will help me and you to understand.”

“Very well.” Slaine conceded. “It will be our little secret.”

Aine took a deep breath and began. “I am old. Very old with a faded shell. I am sitting just outside the Lands Between with someone, we are reminiscing about the past. That someone is very dear to me and although we haven’t seen each other for a long time, it’s like we had never been apart. They crack a joke and suddenly it all goes dark.”

“That must be one killer joke.” Slaine laughed awkwardly before stopping themselves. “I’m sorry, continue.”

“That’s about it, I guess.”

“Alright, but why did you tell me?”

“You still don’t get it?” Aine said with a smudge of annoyance.

“Get what?”

“I’m in love with you, okay!” Unable to hold them in any longer, the words came out sharper than Aine intended. “That someone was you and I have been in love with you my whole life. I was hoping you would feel the same. But last night...” The young snail took a deep breath. “Last night proved me wrong.”

Slaine stood there for a minute, their mind trying to process what just happened. “Oh, Aine.” They said with a sorrowful look. “I’m sorry, but…”

“Stop.” Aine didn’t need that sentence; they knew all too well how it would end. The fact that Slaine didn’t feel the same was not a problem anymore. “I am the one who should apologize.” Aine didn’t care; they still loved Slaine and wanted to keep them in their life. “I was heartbroken and acted out because of it.” Aine would do anything to make Slaine happy. “Still, that was not right.” Even if it meant going away. “I think I need some time with myself.”

“How much time?”

“I don’t know.” Aine looked off into the distance. “However long it takes to understand what Enna said. So I am leaving.”

“Leaving where?”

“Wherever the wind takes me.” Aine laughed as they reached inside their shell for an ochre flower. “Something to remember me by.”

And with that, Aine waved goodbye to their friend and set off into the horizon. But that’s a story for another time. For now, let’s return to the present.

**

Aine made their way to Slaine's burrow, carrying a bouquet filled with white roses, blue hydrangeas, and, of course, lavender. All the things they wanted to say, all the stories they could share.

“I’ll be out in a minute,” Slaine said with a happy tone, and Aine couldn’t help but think how much they still loved that snail with a shell as hard as a rock. But it was not the confusing mess of a love from their youth. It was something much deeper—not a romantic kind of love, but one that took time and patience to build up. A love that, even though unpracticed for a long time, still remained just as strong.

“Hurry up,” Aine said with a wide grin.

“Where are we going anyway?” Slaine emerged from their burrow with patient excitement befitting an old snail.

“Just outside the Lands Between,” Aine replied with a little smile, as the two disappeared into the cool blue horizon.