Panky! Are you panicky?

"Hey Panky! Are you panicky?" In came the instigating eruption from Sonia. It's long since Col Pankaj listened to these words. It teased, as well as egged him on. It was a ploy used by his contemporaries during his Dogra Regiment days to boost him up for the competitions; be it polo, shooting, horse riding, or any other sports. He used to be the toast of the regiment with his midas touch in whatever sports he had taken up. 

Sonia made fun of him with this quote from time to time. But that was way back. Pankaj heaved a heavy sigh. He looked at his wife, and sprouted a rather wry smile.

Things have changed now. Following his retirement from Army he had settled in picturesque Mussoorie about ten years back. It's an easy-going town on the Himalayas with its army canteen and Veterans' Club, the majority of which constituted ex-service officers. The ambience provided him a semblance of the happy old days.

The flavour lasted for eight long years. During this period their only son Kunal completed his NDA, and joined the armed forces. Incidentally, Kunal also had joined the Dogras, and had the same penchant for sports. 'Blood speaks,' Pankaj would muse.

It happened two years back in an evening, out of the blue. First it was on TV: Capt Kunal Kapoor of 16 Dogra attains martyrdom along with seven others at Kargil border! Pankaj and Sonia remained dumbstruck while the rest of the names were being displayed with appropriate words from the anchor. Sonia burst into a heartrending cry as Kunal's photo was being displayed along with the story of his unparalleled valour.

Pankaj had become stonelike, well, almost. He had received condolence messages, accolades for patriotism, from friends to ministers in a stolid manner. During Kunal's regal cremation he had also uttered a few words about being a proud military predecessor; but equally stolidly.

Throughout these two years emotion has deserted him. No one, however, can feel it from his bearings. He still maintains his bushy moustache and sparse hair forming a rim around the vast bald, he keeps visiting Veterans' Club in the evening with his woolen beret on, and has his whiskey. Only thing, he has stopped taking any interest in active sports. He maintains his stance on though: once a soldier, always a soldier.

Sonia has been a silent spectator to all Pankaj does. His impassive mannerisms, his creeping apathy to life; all has been eating her up all this time. She has, however, still preserved her feelings, however melancholy stained. She wants her husband to come out of his shell. That's why was her present expression: "Hey Panky! are you panicky?" It almost sounded like an old adage.

"You mean?" Pankaj asked quizzically as he involuntarily brushed his moustache.

"I mean the table tennis tournament next month." Sonia remained nonchalant.

"Hmmph! You forget, Lady, I'm eight years past sixty." The couple, in all these couple of years, have behaved as if Kunal had never existed. 

"And still going strong. You still go for your jog, still can stretch and bend."

"But I haven't touched a TT racquet in years!"

There was truth in it. He last played the game in this very club about five years back. Although he played table tennis for occasional fun, he never had taken this game competitively; not even in his army days. More physically demanding games like lawn tennis, volleyball or football fascinated him. This table tennis tournament at this club is an annual event, and carries quite a bit of interest amongst the members and their families. 

It is limited only to members and their spouses. Pankaj has enjoyed it, but without Participating ever.

"Forgive me, Sonia Dear, I'm not sure what you contemplate, but it's beyond me. Please don't force me." Pankaj looked helplessly at his wife. 

Sonia is, and has been, soft spoken and docile, but of a steely resolve. On this occasion also she didn't relent. 

"So, my soldier is quitting his battlefield!" She wore a mocking smile. She was quick to catch the pulse of his husband. 'A soldier never quits the battlefield' is catchword in armed forces.

"But now!" Pankaj was yet to decide whether it was a joke.

"I'm not telling you to win, like it happens in movies. I'm simply urging you to give the tourney a try. Won't you, for my sake?" She looked deep into his eyes. 

Those dark lashes, large eyes, that shapely but determined face- had done wonders to Pankaj in past. It did this time as well. 

He grinned, following a long void. "I'll fight it out, Babes, for your shake."

Jogging time increased, boozing reduced, a new racquet purchased, and practice started for Col Pankaj Kapoor. He practiced with whosoever available in the club. This is the time he realised he had grown up to be the oldest active member of the club! All the other participants were way junior to him in their fifties.

'Doesn't matter,' he thought, 'I'll give it my best. Don't have much time left to continue with the club. Why, maybe with the earth as well!'

So the practice continued. Chops, topspins, jabs and smashes were honed. The ball started landing on the table with more precision. 

Sonia sat on the spectator's chair with a gleaming face. 

"What are you feeding him for breakfast, Mrs Kapoor?" Mrs Negi winked at Sonia notoriously.

"Confidence," Sonia smiled.

The competition day arrived. Pankaj proved to be a tough nut to crack. To everyone's surprise, he reached the semifinals. There he gave a fight for money to three-time winner Maj Shardul Singh, a bare fifty-six year old rookie by his standards. 

"You scared the shit outta me, Sir," Shardul said panting at the end of the game. 

Pankaj received a special award for best fighting participant amongst huge cheers. But a better award awaited him on his homecoming at night.

Sonia embraced him with all her warmth, and kissed passionately on his lips.

How long, after how long, did he have that celestial feel? He wondered. He cupped Sonia's face and looked at it. The eyes were moist. "Thanks, Colonel," she said. There was a solace he noticed on his wife's face that was missing since long. 

That was the time his sight fell on Kunal's photograph on the wall. The boy looked as bright and naughty as ever. Pankaj could clearly see Kunal teasing him. 'Not here, Dad. Not in my front,' the blighter seemed to say. 

He realised then. It was not in TT Sonia wanted him to fight. She wanted him to to fight his own apathy and glum. The life he was living of late was that of a zombie. It was a loser's life. Whatever life one is left with is still a bliss, provided you keep your fight up.

Pankaj broke into a full throttled cry, and felt his heart getting lighter.