Facing the World Alone

Trigger warning: verbal abuse and violent outbursts

“Just breathe, you can do this,” I lie to myself as I sit in my car, listening to the hum of the engine as I procrastinate entering my parents home. 

“Three years, three long miserable years at the business…I can do this…I can. All I have to do is walk in and give my resignation.” I sigh as I turn off my car and open the door, feeling the cool air hit my face as it blows through my hair. 

The door bell chimes as I contemplate ditching the family dinner, it’s not too late is it?

A whoosh sound is made as the front door opens.

“Oh Ava, we were all waiting for you. Come on in.” My mother’s voice full of enthusiasm as she moves aside from the entrance.

It’s too late to leave now, goes through my head as I awkwardly walk into the house, regretting my decision for coming.

Chatter floods from the dinning room as I lay my eyes on my father, whom sits at the head of the table munching on appetizers. 

A lump forms in my throat as I know what I have to do. Quitting sounds much easier than putting the words into action.

“Ava, there you are. For a second, I thought you have gotten lost.” My father chimes with a smile, his mustache winkles underneath his scrawny nose. 

“The gas station was really piled up,” I lie as I hug my father hello.

“Well now that you’re here, we could officially talk business.” He says as he glares around the table.

Shadows cast across my father’s face as the lights flicker, giving dim lighting, the bulbs must be dying out again.

My family all sit at the small oak dinning table as my father begins the business meeting, something that we do every Saturday. The only thing different is the fact that I’m finally going to speak up and move on from the business, something that every father wants to hear.

“Now, this week we have really improved ratings. Ava, your idea with the buy one, get one half off dessert was a brilliant idea. We made double amount of money, which is why I’m giving out bonuses to all of you.” My father says in a bold, but triumph tone, it echos as it slithers down the hall.

“Yah! Now I could afford a new skateboard!” Leo, my older brother says as he high fives my oldest brother.

“Ava will receive a two hundred and fifty dollar higher bonus than the rest of you as it was her idea.” My father says as he hands me my cheque. 

My stomach aches as the longer I wait to tell my father, the worst it will be. My hands shake as I reach across the table to receive my hard earned money.

“What! That’s not fair!” Leo shouts with jealously.

“Your sister has contributed much more than the rest of you. You get out, what you put in.” My father boldly tells Leo as he hands him his cheque.

I notice my mother silently leaving the table as she goes to check on the oven in the kitchen, down the hall.

“I work hard too and so does Rick!” Leo moans loudly.

Bang!

The table shakes as my father slams his large fist on top of the shiny surface, catching all of our attentions.

My heart jumps into my throat as the longer I keep stalling, the worse it will be and clearly he’s already in a bad mood.

“Your sister gave a successful suggestion and works very hard in managing the restaurant, as of you who keeps showing up late and deliver wrong orders!...How do you expect to get the same amount of tips!” His face flushed as drool sits in the corner of his dry lips. Ice forms in his eyes as he stares daggers into Leo, whom is sweating harder than I am, if that’s possible.

“Do you have something to say too?” I hear him shout at my oldest brother, I watch in silence as he quickly turns his gaze towards his empty plate.

My pulse quickens as I try to figure out when is the best time to spill my news.

The smell of chicken waves through my nose as I nervously watch my mother carry lemon grilled chicken onto the table.

We all sit in deathning silence until my mother finishes laying out all the food. 

Nothing like a family dinner mixed with a business meeting to fuel hunger as you never know what will happen next, especially when my father doesn’t take his anger management pills.

“Okay, I’m ready. Knows the perfect time. Looks like father calmed down and my brothers are quiet.” I say to myself as I straighten up in my chair to look more serious.

“Kevin, why don’t you spill the good news.” My mother urges my father.

“Man, I was too slow.” I say angrily, in my thoughts as I slump back into my seat in defeat.

“I have fantastic news! I’m opening up another restaurant across town and I have chosen the perfect person to run it!” My father’s voice booms through the room as I silently hope that he doesn’t say my name.

If he says my name, then all hope of leaving the family business and moving on with my own dreams will be gone for good. 

“Ava!” 

I look up to the surprise of my family all congratulating me with my new promotion. Defeat surges through my bones as I know that I would greatly let down not just my father but my entire family as this restaurant has been in our family through many generations.

I can’t believe that I walked into the house with the intentions of quitting but potentially walking out owning my very own restaurant. It sounds great, but I want to do other things with my life, that doesn’t involve around the restaurant.

Cheering slowly dies down as my father stares at me, waiting for my response.

Determination, Ambition and Adrenaline races through my veins as I gather courage to say what I have come here to do.

My perfectly planned speech erases from my mind as if I hadn’t rehearsed it thousands of times already today.

“Aren’t you going to say something?” Rick whispers as he leans closer so my father wouldn’t over hear.

“Ava, I’m waiting!” Once again, pure rage bolts through his thin figure. Energy attracts to him as if he were a magnet, compelling it what to do.

His eyes narrow as it’s clear what my answer is, the longer I make him wait.

I silently panic as the words aren’t forming, my mind races as it tries to gather my long lost speech.

“I…I, um. I.”

As I fail to form a sentence I watch my brothers glare at me in horror. Say yes is stitched to their faces as they glare at me in silence. My mother pretends she doesn’t know what is going on and continues to eat her meal.

Bang!

My father’s fist meets the table for the second time tonight, one more and it would be a record.

“Stop playing games and take my deal!” The words swirl around the room as it drums through my ears.

Finally, I cannot take it anymore. 

“I can’t accept, I have other plans and owning a restaurant isn’t one of them-

“How dare you decline my offer! I gave you a mangers position last year after you claimed that you deserved it. How dare you say no to your very own restaurant, that I gave you!” He abruptly stands up, his chair clings as it falls onto the floor as the force has pushed it down.

“I’m not trying to be rude…I,I just have other plans with my life. I decided I want to go back to school and become a hair stylist.” I mumble as my father tosses his hat onto the ground.

“You want to leave this nicely ran restaurant business just to play with people’s hair.” He laughs as he shakes his head. “Is this a joke?”

“No. No, its not a joke. I’ve been thinking for a while now and I think if I don’t do it now, it will be too late.”

“You have a good career! You’re twenty two and you could own your own restaurant and you walk away to do hair. I have never heard you mention hair once!” 

Bang!

Now it’s a record.

“Kevin, you’re going to hurt your hands if you keep this up.” My mother says with a worried tone as my brothers sit back, enjoying the show, as I’m the one in trouble for the first time in years.

“I just don’t get it Marlene, I just don’t get it.” He shakes his head as he turns his back from the table, leaving the room. “Ava you have ten seconds to get out of my home! When you come back with your failure of hair dressing and remember that you have the offer to own a restaurant, I will gladly slam the door in your face!” He screams the last part as he has already left the room.

I sit stunned as this is not how I imagined tonight to go, I knew it wouldn’t be good, but I never thought he would kick me out of the family all together.

“Ava, you better get going.” My mother softly says as she stands from her seat.

“But, this was getting good” I hear my brothers say disappointedly as I could feel their eyes on me as I leave the room.

I face my mother as she opens the door with trembling hands. 

“Am I really out the family?” I murmur in a guilty voice as I feel silly for causing so much trouble that I could have prevented by staying silent and accepting the restaurant.

“Give you father some time, he never saw this coming so he’s disappointed in you and so am I. You had so much potential in restaurant management and you want to waste it away.” She says with a shaken voice as she could barley look at me. As she turns her head towards the hallway, I notice her tear stained face.

“I’m sorry mom…I just-

“You better go before your father comes downstairs.” She urges in a desperate voice as she keeps glancing towards the steps behind her.

Without another word or a single look back, I run out the house facing the cold winter air as it hits me in the face.

Maybe I’m foolish for leaving the family business. I’ll certainly miss the large cheques, but at least i’ll be happy doing something I always desired to do; even if it means i’ll be doing it alone.

“Facing the world alone shouldn’t be too bad if I’m surrounded by positive energy and a happy work environment.” I say to myself in a cheerful voice as I start my car and race out the driveway.