Maybe I could

Darkness became her best friend and the music soothing and slowly healing her wounds. But the wound became deeper and deeper.The world around her was aware of her thoughts and depression. Busy streets and fast-moving vehicles ignored her pain. "Maybe it was my mistake". Looking at the ticking clock she murmured herself. "I was always the 'ugly fat pig' in my college, that's what they called me. I was haunted by the word 'ugly fat pig or ugly bitch' on the locker, notebook pages, toilet, and even on my dress made me believe it was true. My books sometimes found in the trash bin. I was scared to complain. My college days were a nightmare, I shivered and cried every night. My grades were not good and my pillows were the only motherly lap I could find. My father who was a deaf worked hard day and night to give his daughter a better life. I always looked at the portrait of my mother who was an angel for her. I strived hard through my miserable life. I was bullied and beaten in the toilet and the only thing I could do was to be silent. I was physically and mentally hurt. I didn't want my poor dad to be sad so, I remained silent and fix a smile on my face.Then one day I met a girl who was new to the college, Amy. She was beautiful and was kind to me. We became best friends within a short time. We spend a lot of time and shared food and stuff. She didn't even call me an 'ugly pig' and hugged me with warm love. We watched movies together and she helped men studies. My grades gradually increased. I felt happy and thanked my angel mother for the gift. Shan, the most popular and handsome boy in that college was the dream husband for every girl. He liked Amy and she liked him too. But, the popular girl Nikki was jealous and said to Amy "It seems like your best friend also had an eye on him. Be careful or else you will suffer." After that conversation, Amy started stalking on Shan and me. Actually, I do like him and tried to get close to him unconsciously. I tried to avoid him because he is my bestie's boyfriend but his eyes always mesmerized my heart. I mistook lust on his eyes for pure love. Accidentally, we shared some closeness in front of Amy. He even tried to kiss and hold my hands. He forced me to be his dancing partner in drama class. Then, she was sure that something is going in between her bestie and boyfriend. When she asked me about it, I didn't have any answers because I can't lie to her. My silence answered her. Amy stopped talking and ignored me.I became alone and more depressed. Amy was my best friend but now I became her enemy. I've stopped calling and texting me. My texts didn't get replies.One day, Amy found something on social media. It was a naked girl and Amy recognized that it was her photo. She broke down and ran to the washroom. She cried a lot and the whole college was laughing at her. Nikki made her believe that it was done by her ex-bestie. Amy texted me 'how could you do this? You took my naked pictures and spread among people for revenge.I hate you. You are an ugly bitch with dark inside. I trusted you and I hate myself for that' I didn't understand what was going on and the words were just like the knives. I collapsed on the floor. The next day I woke up with the most heartbreaking news. Amy committed suicide. I couldn't believe that and I screamed with lots of piercing pains. Police arrested me suspecting the reason behind her death. I remained silent because that's what I could do. It was my life and others taught me. Later, police found that Shan was the criminal and I was released. But the pain was still there inside my heart. I lost my father who got a heart attack when I was arrested. I was alone and the memories still haunted me like a ghost. I was feeling guilty. I could prove that I was innocent to my only bestie Amy. But it was too late. She died with the hate for me and cursed me. I think one way or another I deserved it. I was that best friend who never a keeper of the promise of friendship. I hate myself. I don't know why." She takes 2 glasses of cheap wine and the tears can't stop falling from her eyes. She took Amy's photo and asked "would you believe me if I confessed that I was not the person who made those naked pictures of you? Why did you believe that it was me and I know I was not a good friend for you.I'm sorry, sorry for everything. I don't know whether you are hearing me. But thank you for sharing a beautiful friendship with me which I failed to keep. I should resist myself but I couldn't. I think we should have met. Will you forgive me for everything? Can we be best friends again and start over again? I know you don't like it and I wish we will never meet in the next life because I don't want to hurt you again. I am a mess and a curse".She laughed like a psycho and cried with anger and hurt. She looked at her parent's photo and asked "will you take me to your world?". She was not a stranger to this silence as the response. Her mind wandered like a spiral with memories. She was under dilemma whether she was wrong or not. She wanted to go back and correct everything. But the reality was too far from her imagination. She tried to give up her life but the fear the world created inside stopped her. But she can't take this pain anymore. The clock hit 12 with a big noise and her eyes closed.