Through The Eyes Of A Changed Man

He was back.

Jon surveyed the school that he had not seen in two years. Everything looked the same. The chipped paint near the front entrance that had never been fixed, the bench with students’ names etched on it, and the ever-familiar rush of students all heading somewhere. Everything was the same, and yet, everything was different. This did not feel like the school he had been in two years ago. The atmosphere seemed different, more carefree and happier. He wondered if this atmosphere was caused by his absence, or maybe it had always been this way and he had never taken the time to notice.

Two years ago, he had been a freshman at this school. He had been just like the freshmen who were right now dashing towards class as if their very pants were on fire. Except he hadn't truly been like them.

No, he had been much worse than the students he surveyed see now.

He hung his head at the reminder of what he had become that year.

It had been the year of his father’s passing. His mother had drawn within after that day and Jon had felt neglected along with the feeling of his own grief. And as his mother withdrew further, his grief had turned to bitterness. Bitterness over his father’s passing, bitterness towards his mother, bitterness at the world at large.

He had not known how to handle his pain, so he let the bitterness turn to anger. And as his anger grew, he had turned to vandalism and bullying at school. He had done everything he could to make everyone in the school, including the teachers, miserable. He had taken no pleasure from the destruction he caused and it had not helped his grief, yet he continued in it.

His stomach soured as he recalled the looks upon everyone's faces when he walked by, the fear, the revulsion, the abject terror. Whenever he entered in a room, he had always felt the tension rise and the room quiet. Everyone seemed to watch him, waiting for him to do something.

His mother had been aware of his horrid ways at school and yet she had done nothing about it; she’d had her own pain to think about. So, his reign of terror had continued.

Until...

"No!" he yelled, startling others who were passing by him. He would not allow his mind to travel to the horrible day. He could not, would not think about that, or the nightmares would stick by him for years. Jon shook his head to clear the thoughts from his brain.

He was different now. He was no longer the immature boy who...

Unbidden, the memory of that horrible day ran through his mind. He had been in a particularly bad state of grief that day. He had been spoiling for a fight with someone, something he had never done in the past though he had threatened to many times. That day he had been dragged along on a leash by his anger and he had beaten someone. He had not even known the person whom he fought, but he had not cared. The other boy had not fought back or even tried as most would, only took the beaten he had not deserved.

After that day, he had been expelled from the school and told that he would be unable to return in the future.

And yet, here he was, back again at the very school that had still haunted his dreams. Except this time, it was different. This time he was back to make amends. And to prove to everyone, and himself, especially himself, that he was different.

The two years that Jon had spent away from this school had changed him. During his time away, he had spent a good deal of it in counselling, but that wasn't what had truly pulled him out of his pain.

Nope, his mother had done that. In the months that followed, she had shown him more attention. She had bandaged his wounded fists after that horrible 'fight' and stood by him while he railed over the injustices of his life. She had talked to him and actually listened to his problems for once. So different than the way she had been before the incident.

Jon still had days where the grief came back to destroy his mood, but no longer did he allow it to take over his mind like before.

He looked back at the schoolyard before walking up the steps toward the school. He would not be here long. No, he was only here to make amends for the destruction he had caused. The day before, he had visited the family of the boy he had injured that horrible day and had offered his apologizes and also a sum of money to repay them for the hospital bills they had surely paid those years before.

It had been a hard thing for him, just as hard as it must have been for them, and yet it had brought him a great sense of relief. Now, he was going to make amends to the teachers who had to suffer with his terrible behavior that year. He wanted to apologize to every student that had been at the school his freshman year, but he did not know where all of those students were now. So, he could only hope that all the teachers were still here.

As he stepped towards the door, he paused. What would they see when he walked in? That horrible person he had been? The damage he had done? Or would they be able to see beyond the mistakes of his past and see the new Jon?

He pulled the door open. Either way, whatever they saw, Jon could walk out without the weight of shame on his shoulders. Yes, he had made mistakes. And yes, he knew that some would still see him as he had been before, which was completely fair.

But now Jon would see himself, this school, his very life even, differently. He now saw through the eyes of a changed man.