"We're just too different"

“We’re just too different”

      Chantal and Joe met on an Ash Wednesday in college back in the nineties. From the moment Joe saw Chantal at a table still wearing the ashes on her forehead, he was intrigued. Joe had been palling around with a girl named Mena, who he was trying hard not to suspect of liking him more than as a friend. Joe also had a girlfriend Sabrina at a distant college who he visited once or twice a semester. 

       Chantal was different from the other girls. She was dark and had lovely almond shaped eyes. She was laughing now, telling the story about how a girl from the dorm tried to wipe the ashes away thinking Chantal really missed her application of mascara! Joe started to ask her questions about where she was from, what she was studying, etc.

         Chantal was from a middle-class suburb of Chicago, and was studying French. Her name was French by accident. It was a long story, but her parents were from Puerto Rico.  Anyway, Joe’s first impression was good. He was drawn to people who took their faith seriously, even if he didn’t.

          He also liked to think that he was evolved and not racist, as he knew his father was. Joe was half Irish and half Latvian, the Latvian was on his mother’s side. He had dark hair, brown eyes, and an engaging smile. He also was a jokey kind of guy, always trying to entertain. 

          Chantal liked what she saw in Joe too. She liked to laugh, and felt some chemistry from the beginning. It was obvious that Mena was crazy about Joe, and that was interesting too. They had all three seen each other from a distance at a night clerk meeting, so they knew they had that in common: their part-time jobs at the university.            

        Mena was a bubbly blond with a kittenish face. She was soon to become a frenemy to Chantal. lt never occurred to Mena that maybe Sabrina on the other campus was a bigger threat to her designs on Joe.

           Chantal also had a beloved sister Liana as a roommate. Liana loved big sis Chantal, but treated most guys with a bit of sass, and it was easy to be that way with Joe. Joe was a little afraid of Liana!

          Well, Joe, Mena, and Chantal soon made a clique. They would meet for lunch, hang around on each other’s shifts, and even started joining a daily group of students who would have dinner, then repair to a room to watch “Cheers” and “Night Court” on weekdays. 

         The chemistry grew between Joe and Chantal. He would often give her compliments, sometimes comparing her favorably to Liana. Mena called up and liked to spend lots of time. One evening as Chantal visited Mena’s room, Mena couldn’t persuade Joe to come over for pizza. She thought about it, and then called him back saying, “Chantal is here too”. He came right over. 

          Then came the aquatic fiasco which almost ripped Joe and Chantal’s friendship apart. 

The sprinklers were on near the School Union, and Joe playfully tried to push Chantal into them. 

He somehow missed his hold, and shouting, Chantal persuaded their mutual friend Jeremy to push Joe in instead. Joe really got wet. Chantal laughed half the way to the dorms. 

          Well, Joe thought he would have his revenge. He propped up a small garbage can full of water, so that when Chantal opened her dorm room, the water would splash into it! It worked!

Chantal knew right away who did it, and was not too upset at first. However, when Olive, the dorm president who lived right beneath, called to complain water was spilling into her closet, Chantal grew angry. What a stupid stunt!, she thought.

           She gave Joe the cold shoulder for the next few days. She spent her time with her sister Liana, catching up on schoolwork. It was at the library that Jeremy approached Chantal and her sister. He was very persuasive, saying Chantal should forgive Joe, because he was threatening to move to the other side of the large campus if she didn’t. Chantal was truly surprised that Joe seemed to care so much. On the spot, she scribbled a message to send with Jeremy. It read, 

“Gotcha! I knew that mental torture would be so much more effective than something of an aquatic nature”. When Jeremy gave this to Joe, Joe could breathe again. 

          Every once in a while, Joe would remind his female friends that he needed to write a letter to Sabrina, or go visit Sabrina. The closer Chantal thought she was getting with Mena, the more Chantal started to feel attracted to Joe herself, especially since he was so obviously attracted to her. 

          There was a dance. Joe brought Sabrina, then proceeded to ignore her, and grabbed hold of Chantal, who looked breathtaking in an off-the-shoulder red dress. She brought a date too, and wriggled out of Joe’s arms to go join him.  His name was Will. Chantal realized at the dance that she had no chemistry with Will, even though Will was definitely interested in her.  A few days after the dance, she refused to meet Will downstairs when he called, and he just gave up. Chantal couldn’t help noticing Joe would be jealous when she dated someone else. What did he think, she was part of his harem? 

         She had to admit, she wanted Joe to break up with Sabrina, and officially date her. Poor Mena, she already had a history of a best friend stealing her boyfriend. In this case, Joe insisted she was just a friend. He was a terrible flirt with both Mena and Chantal though. Years later, Chantal would recognize that it was insecurity that made Joe cast his nets wide and try to catch the affections of as many as possible. 

          Chantal was not really thinking things through, and just taking people at their face value in this new group of friends. She really thought Mena was a good friend because she was often invited by her. She really thought Joe was attractive and wished to be preferred by him. 

Only later did she realize that she and he seemed to bring out the worst in each other. 

      There were some disturbing signs. Once she sat down with him and they talked about faith and books. She glowed about the book called “The Way”, and Joe was alarmed, thinking it was a cult book, when it really was just a Catholic common sense virtue book. He then went on to boast he was an altar boy, and he knew a lot about the faith, but he had done something for which he could never be forgiven. Chantal was so curious to know what that sin was, but she tried to reassure Joe he could be forgiven. When she looked back, she regretted some remarks she had made on other occasions, which seemed to be rigid and puritanical. She knew she wasn’t really like that. Why did Joe’s nonsense bring that out in her?

       There was another conversation Chantal did not relish. She came to sit at the cafeteria table, wearing a black leather jacket her mother had bought her. Joe was there and said “You look like Elvis, but a very, very TANNED Elvis.” Chantal was wondering why he was focused on the color of her skin. Joe said stupid things, and she recognized that she did too. 

           Mena was graduating first, and Chantal wore a lovely blue and white dress to the day, sitting with both Joe and Mena’s sister Katie. 

Katie couldn’t help but notice that Joe and Chantal were holding hands as they sat. Katie was definitely going to tell Mena. 

        That day was almost  the last day Chantal would see Joe for a year. Chantal was going to Montpelier, France for her junior year study abroad. Joe was starting graduate school at the university where they first met that year. You guessed it, Mena was sticking around too. During the summer, there was a going-away party for Chantal. The group of friends lay Joe down and traced his outline on a bedsheet for her to take with her. Chantal’s father was not amused. Chantal didn’t even remember being at the party, though she was always sober. She had so much to do, with this overseas adventure coming close. Mena gave Chantal some stationery that was prepaid for postage, so they could write to each other. 

          While Chantal struggled as an au pair, truly immersed in a French year of study and work, Joe broke up with Sabrina. Chantal loved to write to her college friends, and had expressed how much she missed and cared for Joe one lonely winter’s day in Montpelier. Joe treasured this letter, guarding it fiercely from Mena.  Joe then began to plan for Chantal to be his next girlfriend. 

        The academic year in France was a reset. Giddy, thoughtless Chantal became more quiet, serious, read more books on the faith, as there was no television and few like- minded friends. 

She had some fun adventures which she wrote of in her journal for the benefit of Liana, who wanted details! On one day in her journal, Chantal wrote: “ I just can’t see myself ever being with Joe. We’re just too different”. Little did she know Joe would later read those words!

       Joe wrote Chantal the spring she was still in Montpelier.  He mentioned his breakup, and then annoyed Chantal to no end saying he was debating whether to date her or Jenna, a girl who was very easy. Jenna was also the clueless girl who thought her ashes were mascara! Chantal thought, do I even know this guy? Joe even went so far as to say he felt a curiosity about Jenna’s body. Chantal began to be afraid of meeting Joe again. 

        Chantal had to come home early from France to be maid of honor to her older sister   Mireya. Mena met her at the airport, pumping Chantal for details about her letters to Joe, but Chantal was evasive. Chantal thought it would be rude not to call Joe and tell him she was back in the states. He immediately set up a date to come and take her out to a restaurant. Chantal was almost panicked, and insisted Liana come with her. Liana came and the encounter was very disappointing to Joe, who found Chantal to be more reserved than the tone of her letters. As a Psychology major, he concluded something traumatic must have happened to Chantal in France.

       Back on campus, Mena collected Chantal, Liana and Joe for a night out. Chantal made a quiet comment when only girls were present, about how the lack of air conditioning was making her hair look like a Bushwoman, and Mena gleefully ran to tell Joe about it. That’s when Chantal saw how passive-aggressive Mena often had been. Chantal had been so naive. Chantal had had few friends apart from her sisters, and had never experienced a frenemy before. Poor Mena. She pitied her, and did not feel much of a loss. 

         Joe took them to his dorm where he was a resident advisor, and Chantal noticed he had a colorful tree full of condoms on his stand in his room. He explained these were for the residents. Chantal was disgusted. She thought, we’re just too different. 

      Back at Chantal’s, Joe wanted to talk to her. He wanted to know what happened in France. Chantal could not begin to explain, but just handed her two journals to Joe. As soon as he bounded out to read them in  his room, she regretted sharing so much about herself, just when she was trying to seek out more like-minded people. He returned the journals two weeks later by mail with some flowers. Chantal did not open her journals for a month. When she did, she found her forgotten words saying she could never be with Joe. Joe had thrust a little piece of yellow paper in the crease. It read

“I will always love you Chantal Montero.”

          Chantal was really upset about the sadness Joe must have been feeling. She called him and apologized, but there did not seem to be any way to solve the problem. They had no choice but to move on and acknowledge that some differences were too big to overcome. 

Sometimes the chemistry two people have can be electric, but they can still be so wrong for each other. 

(This is based on a true story, names and places have been changed.)