Shenanigans

Submitted into Contest #112 in response to: Write about a character driving in the rain.... view prompt

28 comments

Suspense Crime Funny

Rain! Rain! go away, come again another day, little Jerry wants to play...

Jerry and I sang as i hurriedly search around the park for a place to ease myself. It's empty and I'm pressed, adding to my discomfort is not having a network service on my phone. We soon find a tree with an umbrella-like covering, i told Jerry to turn around as i quietly ease myself. Mum! when is daddy coming? Jerry asked and i wondered why he had kept so long after calling him to inform him that my car had broken down before i lost the network service. The scary part now is, its getting late and we are very far away from home.

Be a good boy! don't turn around and daddy will be here soon, i said to him in a calm voice as i start to get soaked in the rain. I tried calling him again after i got some network on my phone but the calls does not connect, it starts getting windy and the rain kept pouring, i held Jerry and got back into the car, i turned the hazard lights on hoping he would see me when he arrives. Shortly, i see the light of his Nissan Rogue SUV coming from behind, i took my 10 year old son and went to meet him.


I could notice the pungent smell of whisky that came from his breath when he spoke, Jones are you drunk? and who is this in the back seat? i asked him and waited for an answer but he rather mumbles and does not answer me. I'm irritated by this and i asked Jones to step out of the driver seat as i took control of the wheels. Jones goes to seat in the back with the stranger, he was asleep and had appeared to be drunk as well! I ordered Jerry to put on his seat belt before he dozed off.

I heard the back door closing with a bang just before i put the car on ignition. The stranger pushes Jones out of the car and he brought out a pistol, corks it and ordered me to drive.


Please, i am driving as you have ordered me to do and my husband is out there on the street, let me get back and get him maybe he is severely injured!. Drive! he said authoritatively. Who are you? I don't know what you want, i don't know if you have the right person but i know we can resolve this out, i managed to say. I know i have the right person, keep driving. Don't do any thing funny or you put your life and that of your son's at risk. He said in his deep and coax voice. I have never been this terrified in my whole life. Please leave him alone, leave him beside me please, I cried and pleaded with him as he took Jerry's seat belt off and carried him to the back seat. Jerry was already deep asleep and i saw no reason for this action of his. Please wear him his seat belt, my mouth starts clinging and at this moment i could notice how cold the evening was getting already as my hands were visibly shaking.


It's a long drive, you should brace yourself so we arrive safely. You don't want to see your son hurt i assume. No, i don't want to see my son hurt but please put on his seat belt, it is raining, its foggy and it is getting dark! if he was your son would you just leave him like that? have some decency. He's just a kid! I pleaded with him soliciting his companionship in every possible way. He puts the seat belt finally across Jerry and i felt a relieve even not knowing where i was ordered to drive to. I suddenly summoned some courage after realizing this was coordinated and this man at the back of the SUV looks like a typical hit man sent to do the dirty jobs, just like in the movies. Please where are we going? Who are you? what do you want ? Are you sure you have the right person? Does this have to do with my work? i thought of every possible outcome that could result to this. I tried to indirectly take control of the situation from this point, although i was very scared that i have been abducted and my abductor has not made his intentions noticeable with no motives. Sooner i got the stranger talking and he asked questions rather than the answers i was expecting.


Do you believe on the judgement day? You work as a court judge right? and i immediately answered back yes, i believe we all have a judgement day where we all shall be judged individually and you are right i am a Judge but where are we going to? as soon as i got him talking i knew i would be able to get some few information. Good God! his looks are very terrifying, i couldn't get the image of his looks away from my mind, not a bit, especially when my son is with him. I then hear his deep voice again ordering me to turn right.

Right? where are we going? I asked him immediately and he said you don't ask the questions, all you do is drive, you do as you are told. Do you understand me? I shook my head in approval but please tell me where we are going, it is heavily raining and i am driving on a road i have never been before, Do you love your son? he answered back with a question. I looked into his eyes from the rearview mirror, i could see he was very serious although the face mask had covered his appearance. Once again i pleaded with him and told him to understand i was very scared, and yes i love my son.


All my years working as a criminal judge, i have never seen anyone as odd as him, i questioned my mind, am i dreaming? is this real? is this how i ended? who would abduct me? why would anyone do this to me? i thought i was the best of friend!

I have never had a reason to pray in my entire 9 years of existence but i suddenly knew the right prayers to say today. I started praying deep in my mind and i barely noticed when he said i should make a turn. The last turn we took was right and now i have to go left, i realized i had driven over 25 minutes although it looked as if it had taken the whole day on this mysterious road trip, driving in the rain as a hostage with my son in the back seat with a stranger. My heart raised, the road is deserted because it is pouring heavily and i could barely see a few vehicles coming across all with their full headlamps light on.


We approached a police checkpoint which i saw from a mile away, i said a silent prayer and hope that the policeman intervenes and this culprit gets caught but how best do i alert the policeman and tell him i have been abducted without attracting the attention of this stranger. Seem like an impossible task but i have less than 20 seconds to think before i arrive the police checkpoint ahead of me. Do anything crazy to draw attention of the police and i will shoot the policeman, i will shoot your son and i will shoot you! My heart pounced once again after hearing his deep voice. We soon arrive the checkpoint, we saw the policeman in his raincoat, he barely spent a minute after he stopped us, he flashes his light into the car and he waves at us to go but i waited for a while, it was very quiet i could hear the sound of the wipers scrubbing against the windshield, i was hoping that he would notice my distress, i tried to utter help but it was dark and he wouldn't see my lips moving.

Move or i shoot! the stranger said and i drove. If you pull a stunt like that again i promise you it won't end well for either of us! I'm sorry, take it easy. It's over 30 minutes now, i have been driving and i don't know where we are heading, i don't know who you are and you should understand how scared i am right now. Good God! he didn't say anything but remained very quiet and he barely blinked his eyes. I wished this horrible night should end already. I continuously pinch myself to check how real this was but i felt every ounce pain from my tissue and clearly this is happening.


We soon arrive a farm house located deep in the forest with a beef cattle ranch in front of it. So sad, I have always wanted having a farm house so i can raise livestock but then i had to work to gather enough capitals. Do i get to be murdered on my birthday in a farm house? Oh my God! after going through series of questions in my mind i asked him with tears running down my chicks. So is this where i meet my maker? why don't you be a man and be honest to tell me you have brought me in the middle of nowhere to murder? I could hear the sound of the rain with a few droplets! He ordered me to drive into the garage and when the garage door opened, he squeezed the trigger and it was a water gun, i watched out and saw my greatest surprise!

I found all my family members including my husband laughing, they were all holding a birthday postcards, shouting happy birthday!

Shenanigans i said.

September 20, 2021 16:17

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

28 comments

Amma Bissiu
08:52 Oct 11, 2021

Wow! wow! just wow!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Tre P
17:52 Sep 30, 2021

I really enjoyed your story. It was intense and I wanted to scroll to the end to find out what happened next right away, but I enjoyed the read. You’re very detailed. Like some say, I would work on adding quotations when different characters are speaking, so some aren’t confused. Fun read, for sure!

Reply

Andas Adinoyi
18:42 Sep 30, 2021

Thank you

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Stevie B
18:47 Sep 29, 2021

Andas, I really admire your writing style. It's very direct and gets right to the point. Excellent job!

Reply

Andas Adinoyi
21:36 Sep 29, 2021

Thank you Stevie.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Keya J.
08:59 Sep 28, 2021

Wow, totally unexpected end. Beautifully written and the descriptions are amazing! Though I'd recommend using quotation marks for an easy read. Overall, Nice work P.S I loved the title

Reply

Andas Adinoyi
10:16 Sep 28, 2021

Thank you Keya

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Shoshana A
05:47 Sep 28, 2021

Interesting story. :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
21:12 Sep 27, 2021

Hi Andas, this is a really interesting story with a really unexpected ending. It turns out to be good fun in the end 🙂 There are quite a few errors in it, in terms of wording, punctuation, tenses and things. They are a little bit distracting. If you would like me to I could give you some specific examples where you might make changes, only if you want to. But even with those issues it's a great read. The concept of the story is really good. Thank you for posting it.

Reply

Andas Adinoyi
23:29 Sep 27, 2021

Sure. Please go ahead with the examples, I will look into it asap.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Raihanat Andas
16:03 Sep 27, 2021

Amazing one!!!

Reply

Andas Adinoyi
10:16 Sep 28, 2021

Thanks

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Mha Ree Yha
15:29 Sep 27, 2021

Interesting one

Reply

Show 0 replies
Oliver Parker
15:18 Sep 27, 2021

I love everything about the story 👍

Reply

Show 0 replies
Amber Briggs
15:14 Sep 27, 2021

Wow very interesting story

Reply

Show 0 replies
James Briggs
15:12 Sep 27, 2021

👍

Reply

Show 0 replies
Oliver Briggs
15:09 Sep 27, 2021

Perfect start

Reply

Show 0 replies
Abduljalil Andas
15:07 Sep 27, 2021

I love the structuring. Kudos to you

Reply

Show 0 replies
Abduljalil Andas
15:05 Sep 27, 2021

Well detailed story

Reply

Show 0 replies
Oliver Buffett
15:05 Sep 27, 2021

So cool.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Denzill Cooper
15:04 Sep 27, 2021

Nice story line

Reply

Show 0 replies
James Briggs
15:02 Sep 27, 2021

Very nice

Reply

Show 0 replies
14:56 Sep 27, 2021

Good story

Reply

Show 0 replies
Oni Ze
14:54 Sep 27, 2021

Wow! What an interesting one

Reply

Show 0 replies
Oni Ze
14:54 Sep 27, 2021

Wow! What an interesting one

Reply

Show 0 replies
RBE | Illustrated Short Stories | 2024-06

Bring your short stories to life

Fuse character, story, and conflict with tools in Reedsy Studio. 100% free.