Marks of time

Since I was four I liked marking the days I had lived with a pen on a wall, it didn't matter if the days were good or bad, if the day happened then I would mark it on my wall. You may be wondering what happens if I move to a new location well that never happened because my parents for some reason loved the house we stayed in, they thought it was a one of a kind. It didn't seem that one of a kind to me, so what were they seeing .Unfortunately my parents died when I was 16, At that time my grandparents decided to move in so I wouldn't be lonely. So I never actually left the house, just more people moved in. I was the type of kid who didn't mind being alone in fact I kind like it ( I loved it ).When I turned 18 my grandparents move out, but I felt bad that no one was using this "one of a kind" house especially since it meant so much to my parents, so I decided to stay in it. As I grew older, the house got older with me, the walls became crowded with more marks to the point where if you were far away from the wall it looked black. My life was pretty boring, nothing special really happened in my life, friends were out of the question. My grandparents eventually died, so I had no one to depend on. You know how parents say "go out and find a girlfriend because I want grandchildren", well no one was there to say that to me so I just thought that there was no point in finding a significant other.I become older and more marks got on the wall, I became more cut off with the world and I was completely fine with that. Some people may say that kind of behavior is a sign of depression, or an social anxiety disorder, I say thats just how I am, being cut off with the world was probably how I was going to turn out anyway if everyone didn't died. If someone walk in my home they would probably think I was crazy because of all the marks on the walls " don't worry I'm not crazy ", I would tell them they wouldn't believe me though. I started to loose track of what day of the week it was or what month it was, if I felt tired I would just go to sleep, I never knew how long I slept for, I just knew that the tiredness I felt was an illusion. As days passed by my bodied stated to create the habit of marking when the day ended, so I didn't even need to know when the day ended, my body knew on its own. Time wasn't irrelevant anymore, the moment I was in was just the moment I was in, but I wasn't totally succeeded I still had to open the door for food deliveries ( yes I got my food delivered ). oh and I still had windows so I could open them up when I wanted to, not that I did. If you asked me why I became this way I couldn't tell you, I personally think this was just my nature...my destiny..no just my nature. Everything seemed to be going good in the little world that I created until in one moment when I woke up all the marks on my walls disappeared, the dark wall became white again. Somehow all the marks I put on that vanished, I thought about if someone was in my house and painted the walls white again, now that wouldn't make sense now would it, why would someone want to paint my walls white, why would someone even want to come in a house like this, I can only imagine what it would look like on the outside, I mean theres nothing valuable on the inside and its a mess, so why would anyone want to break in. I was driving myself crazy..no..the marks were driving me crazy. Knowing that the one thing that I thought would stay with me forever is gone mad me crazy. Where did they go, how did they disappear. since the marks are gone does that mean the time that I spent in the house never happened. Am I crazy.....no, your never crazy if you have to ask your self that. So what happened then......what do I do now.....how do I continue....is this what my parents saw "one of a kind" in the house if it is I don't like. I started to try and fix the mistake that time had taken off my wall by putting new marks on my wall, but every time I tried to put a new mark on the wall the mark would just disappear. How....why...what have I done to time, is it me not acknowledging time, is that it. should I go outside and see what the world has become. If I do that will you put my marks back on the wall.....will you. At that time I realized that this may be way I could ever get my marks back. Outside......I don't remember what the world looked like, I don't think I want to know either, but for the feeling of comfort, I was willing to do anything. As I got closer to the door my heart started to race faster than it ever had before, I haven't felt this feeling before. Sure I think its normal that your Heart would race if you haven't stepped a foot outside in 10,194 days, but nothing happened to me when I was younger so I shouldn't be afraid of the world but for some reason my stomach is all achy and I feel like I'm about to pass out. Is this what being scared feels like. I get to the door and as get to the handle of the door, I hear all the noises of the outside world, humans can be so noisy some times. As soon as I open the door moonlight hits me and I'm shone with humans, what are people even doing out this late, don't they go to sleep at night, right...right. Its to cold out here, I feel like I'm drowning in the light of the moon. There I acknowledged you time, what more do you want from me. Congratulations people of the outside world this is the first and the last time you may ever see me. When I went inside I expected to see the marks on the wall, maybe my expectation were to high.....no the marks should have never been gone. But that doesn't matter now, because even if my expectations weren't to high I wouldn't have gotten the marks anyway. Yep fascinating, not one mark was on my wall when I went inside but thats not what fascinated me. As I look at the empty wall things start to disappear, everything is fading like it was never there in the first place. I don't know what I'm suppose to do maybe this is the reality of it all and the marks were never here in the first place. Maybe I'm living in an simulative void and everything I know is just apart of the simulation, well if I'm in a simulation I might as well end the simulation, ill surrender time, do you hear that I surrender... but just give me one mark....just....one..m

AND LIKE THAT HE DISAPPEARED INTO TIME, NO ONE ASK ABOUT THE MAN IN THE HOUSE BECAUSE HE WAS NEVER THERE TO BEGEIN WITH. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR YOU THOUGH, EVER HAVE SOMETHING DISAPPEAR WHEN YOU JUST HAD IT....EVER THINK ABOUT HOW HUMAN EXISTENCE IS A STRANGE. EVER WONDER IF HUMANS ARE LIVING IN A HUGE SIMULATION......EVER WONDER IF YOU ARE LIVING IN A STRANGE SIMULATION.....IF SO...THEN YOU PROBABLY ARE.