The Right Profile

“Literature is easier to understand than love.”

Not the best first date material, thought Michael, but she led him to it. Laura was looking at him like he had just taken out a lizard and placed it on the table.

“What?”

“I mean it. Literature makes sense. It has rules. You can experiment with it and even invent new terms, but it still has to make some sense to someone. What does love do? It makes grown people act like the rules do not exist and that we should all just accept things that they think are right. Am I wrong?”

They were in one of the nicest restaurants in town, and she felt a strong urge to empty her glass of sangria in his lap.

“Okay, I know that this is a first date and I should not judge you on opinion, but that is without question the dumbest thing I have ever heard.”

Michael, almost choking on his Cobb salad, seemed truly hurt.

“I’m sorry? What do you mean?”

Laura, now sipping at her glass, looked hard at him over the rim.

“I mean, people fall in love, have families, build lives together… Have children, buy homes…”

Michael was genuinely confused by where she was going with this. Their server, noticing the change in both their faces, decided not to ask if they needed more water or bread sticks.

“But what does any of that have to do with love?”

Anger and disbelief grew hard in her eyes. Laura wanted to have another glass of sangria.

“Everything! Why would people go through all of that if they did not have any love for one another? Why would they give up so much for each other?”

Some of the other patrons were beginning to note the rise in her voice. The manager, disturbed by a call from his wife about her knowledge of his affair, stepped out of the back office, took a look at the couple, and decided to listen to his wife instead.

“Fear.”

“Fear?”

Michael, putting his fork down and taking a sip of water, was ready for this. It was the same kind of discussion he often held with students who came to his seminars, or stopped him on campus.

“When we realize just how alone we are in the world, we begin to think that the best way to feel safe and secure is through marriage. Or we are told, ‘That is the thing you are supposed to do as an adult’. Must be the real reason why our divorce rate is so high. We are trying to live up to a fantasy.” He continued with his salad.

It took a while for Laura to build up a response in her head. The sangria was making her feel bold.

“So, it is all a lie?”

“What is?” He really was hungry.

“Families, romance, generations of people living together forming bonds…”

“Pretty much.” He raised his hand and looked for the server. The woman, considering what she had seen, tried to handle some other tables outside of her area.

“Then you are seriously messed up.”

“I don’t see how that follows.”

Laura felt vindication coming to her.

“Here you are, a professor answering an ad for a date with a woman who works in an office. It is such a cliché, but it is one for a reason. This is where it starts. Couples come to the table with all these ideas and notions and realize that they don’t really know a damn thing at all about each other. So, they sit and listen; some decide to keep thing going on. Others just quit.”

She leaned in close and whispered to him.

“What are you going to do, professor?”

Michael had avoided drinking any alcohol, but now he was full of regret over his sobriety.

“Are you saying that all dates end in a relationship?”

“Most do.”

“But your profile…”

There was a moment when Laura froze and let her eyes look from side to side as she thought back to what she wrote.

“You said that you liked literature. You said that you wanted someone who was also interested in literature. You said that you had…bibliomania and wanted to share your ‘mania’ with someone else. You even said that you were not looking for anything serious, just a fling…and someone who was honest about their feelings.”

Michael was no longer that hungry.

“Sorry, I read your entire page and thought…you wanted someone like me.”

Laura felt an incredible pressure on her shoulders now. There was no way she could have planned this evening, not with these ideas and words thick and hot in her mind.

“I can’t believe that we are arguing about this.”

“And here we are.”

Michael took the knife and fork in his hands and put them to the side. The temptation to hold her hands was strong. Laura knew this was on his mind and touched his fingers.

“This is just silly.”

“Well, life can be silly. There’s nothing wrong with that sort of thing. Here we are two adults who came out to a restaurant to learn about each other and we find that the one thing we can argue about is the things that we love the most. Nothing strange about that…I think.”

They started to smile. The wait staff and certain customers began to breathe easier.

“So, was that all right?”

Laura stared at him and looked at her watch. “Excellent! You did that really well. I know that I requested someone who could start arguing with me during a date, but I was worried that you would be too polite about it.”

“It was an interesting note on your page.” Michael began to pick up the utensils and paused for a moment. “Why, though?”

Laura returned to her drink. “You mean, why argue on a first date?”

“Yes. I really wondered about that…just…why?”

Now she felt like she was in charge.

“You get all the ugliness out on a first date and it can guarantee a second one, don’t you think?” She looked at the menu.

“No, not really.”

She put down the menu.

There would be many such dates between Michael and Laura. They would be sure to return to the same restaurant, something that happened so many times that the staff became familiar with their little game and knew when to step in to take orders. And through children, mortgages, jobs and retirement, they would always know that the best relationships were the ones where they could be this honest…

…even if the other person was completely wrong?