Car Crash

“It feels like my past is haunting me. The things that I have experienced comes in my dreams. The car crash, the… the unfortunate death of my family. Why am I alive?” My patient asked me. I hesitated, usually, whenever people came to me and brought their problems, I was able to comfort them in a blink of an eye, but when the subject came to car accidents, I wasn’t so sure. 

“What are your interests?” I asked him. “I… I am an author, but now my write-ups have become hollow and lifeless. With only depressing thoughts." He said, his eyes had started to get shiny. Just by looking in his eyes, I could tell that he was breaking down. Things weren’t going to get alright by some anti-depressants, he needed someone immediately.

“Are your parents alive?” I asked him but regretted wording it this way. It sounded rude. “No.”

“When did the accident happened?” I asked him.

“On second December…. Exactly a month before.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Second December.”

I closed my eyes for a second, remembering my past. It was one in the afternoon, my family and I were on our way home after lunch. I was the only one wearing a seatbelt, as I was driving. When suddenly, a car’s headlights blurred my vision. The next thing I remembered was waking up in the hospital, with a broken arm.

“Doctor? Is my family fine?” I asked. His eyes looked hopeful but his face told otherwise. I was told about the reality a day later and admitted to the hospital for three days extra as they thought that the trauma of my family dying affected me and it was not safe for me to leave.

“Doctor, are you fine?” Sam, the patient asked me. I opened my eyes and came back to the present, sitting in my workplace with my patient in front of me. I had to focus on the present, I told myself. 

I was about to ask the time for the incident but the look on his face stopped me. He had extreme dark circles right under his eyes which meant that he had not slept properly for many days. If I had prescribed him any more medicines, he would have got worse. 

“I will be truthful, medicines won’t help you,” I said. “I know, I have gone to many doctors, all prescribed me with dozens of medicines but it did not cut it. I heard about you, everyone says that you are a great therapist, which is why I am here.” I gave him a half-smile and continued.

“Right now, you need company. Try to hang out with your friends often. Try to continue your writings by taking advice from your readers. And you need rest. Take these sleeping pills if you need them. Whenever you feel like you cannot take it anymore, go to a garden. You can sign up for meditation here which is taken by professionals or you can go to any class elsewhere. Visit me next week for another follow-up. Now you can collect your printed prescription from the reception.” I said.

“Ok, thank you.” He said and left. I took three more patients after that. But they were the usual lot. One thing that kept invading my mind was how I would manage Sam the next week. I did not know what to do. I was sure that the things I had told him to do won’t help because I had tried them myself. How can I be a therapist when I can’t help myself? I solve other’s problems to avoid my own. I had to take sleeping pills, as whenever I closed my eyes, I could see the haunted scenes of my family in the hospital.

I went home at eight in the evening after my shift. I quickly changed into my pajamas and went to the kitchen to find something to eat. There was nothing in the fridge except for some fruits. So, I made a fruit salad and sat in front of the telly. I opened the news, the reporter in there said, “Car accidents occurring more than ever. Please be careful everyone.” Then she started telling other highlights of the day, but I wasn’t listening. All I was thinking was who was sitting in the driver's seat that day. I closed my eyes again to go back to my past.

We were driving at the perfect speed, neither too fast, nor too slow. The road was narrow but empty, as it was a weekday. Then, suddenly a car from the wrong way, like it had materialized itself. I did not even get the time to react. It was the driver’s fault. I will kill the person when I get to know who it was.

I opened my eyes, closed the telly, popped one sleeping pill, and went to bed. The same dream that had been troubling me, came. But this time, it had a new face.

The whole week went pretty peacefully. Nothing new happening. But then the day that I had dreaded the most, came. “Morning doctor,” Sam greeted but did not smile, the dark circles looked worse.

“You have not been taking the sleeping pills I see,” I said.

“I did, but then every time I would wake up with a startle because of my…”

“My what?” I asked.

“My dream.” He said, finishing his sentence.

“Oh. Did anything I prescribed work?” I asked, he shook his head.

“Why don’t you try to let go of the past and continue with your life. Your family wouldn’t want you to fail. You sometimes have no option other than moving on. One thing that helps a lot is discussing that incident in detail. Have you ever told anyone about it?”

“No. I haven’t.” He replied. “Then go on,” I said.

“It was the second of December, we were going somewhere for lunch. Everyone was very hungry, so they all told me to speed up and go the wrong way… And I did so, for their happiness. Only if I had not been foolish, they would have been with me.” A tear rolled down his cheek. Now, I understood how he blamed himself for all that. But then I realized one more thing.

“Wait, you were in the wrong way and broke speed limits?” I asked, shocked. He nodded sadly.

“What was the time?” I asked, hoping that he would not say…

“It was one in the afternoon. We were on the opposite street from here.”

My heart sank, there was only one thing left to confirm. “Was the car number 4578?” I asked him, hoping that he would say no, but my luck proved me wrong.

“Yeah, how do you know?” He narrowed his eyes. “Oh, you told me that a second ago, maybe you forgot,” I said, quickly making an excuse but my head was paining, I had found the person responsible for my family’s death.

He just nodded, dissatisfied. “Okay, now meet me in the garden at eleven in the night. I have some sleeping pills that I use for myself, they are very helpful. I am asking for this late time because my shift will get over late today and we can’t wait till tomorrow, you need rest as soon as possible.” He just nodded again, stood up, and left without saying a word. As soon as he left, I filled the form for leaving my shift in between because of an emergency.

I cannot let him go. Because of his stupid mistake, my family wasn't with me today. And I am doing him a favour by killing him, he would not feel bad anymore, neither he has any family to cry at his funeral. I made a plan, it was pretty lame, as I had no experience in this stuff. Everything that I knew was from overdramatic movies. I would knock him out by an injection that I had, then I would take a knife and cut the vein in the wrist, as it connects with the heart and will kill him.

I met him in the garden, wearing all black clothes and a black mask. No one was around. "Hey, what will you do if you find out the person who crashed the car with you?" I asked him. 

"I will... I will apologize, because of my stupidity, they probably got hurt," he replied.

"Got hurt? Their whole family got killed because of you!" I screamed at him. He looked confused. "How do you know?" I kicked him and made him fall on his face. I took out my knife and cut his wrist. I did not even take any time to knock him out or check if anyone was watching us.

"That was me, you were the reason my family died," I said. I was about to cut his other wrist also, but I heard police sirens. I quickly stabbed Sam in his heart, rubbed off my fingerprints from the knife, and ran for my life.