Busy Mind

Ten. In Grace’s busy, constant mind, she only has ten seconds to drive from her house to Al's Ice Cream Shop which is on average, one minute away. She puts her keys in the car, sweat already starting to build up. She thinks to herself if I don't arrive at Al's within these ten seconds, I am going to die in my sleep. Shoot. This passing thought motivates her to start getting on the move. She only has nine more seconds.

Nine. Grace tucks her thin, stick-straight, black hair behind her ears. She puts her car into reverse and starts to back out of her garage as fast as lightning. Her heart rate is more rapid than usual, and she is sweating as much as a track star in action. In her head, she counts the seconds it takes to back out. If it takes more than three seconds, she is doomed.

Eight. As Grace continues to back out of her garage, she opens her window. Is it hotter in here? Is it too hot? she thinks. Thinking about the extreme heat she is experiencing causes her to panic further. She finally backs out of her garage and puts her car into drive. She forgot to close her garage, but did not even notice. Now it is a matter of time and speed.

Seven. With seven seconds left, she speeds over the limit down her driveway. She gets down her street in one single second and turns left down the next street. People walk on the sidewalk and wonder why there is a car going so fast down a street they have never gone over 25 mph. Grace, however, is going at least 40 mph. Grace herself does not even realize how fast she is moving.

Six. I am so close, thinks Grace. she is sure of herself she will make it there. She already knows what type of ice cream she is going to get. 2 scoops of cookies and cream in a waffle cone with peanuts on top. She calms down a bit picturing herself eating her cold, sugary ice cream cone. She has driven herself to the shop many times, but never in under 10 seconds. Usually she does not need to, but today was different and she could not figure out why.

Five. She encounters a stop sign. Grace, as well as pretty much everyone who drives a car, knows to stop for 3 seconds at a stop sign. But when you are like Grace, it is unlikely that is going to happen. She can not waste three seconds when she only has five left. So, Grace speeds through the stop sign, forgetting to look both ways. That was her worst mistake.

Four. A loud BANG echoes across the entire street. A loud screech comes from inside a shiny, silver Honda Civic. The car flips to its side as the airbag goes up, making the crash even worse. there is blood all over the window, and you could not even tell where it came from.

Three. People on the street start to hear the crash. They run out of their houses, hands covering their mouths and phones dialing 911. Grace lies in her car, helpless and bleeding out. The person who crashed into her gets out of his car, hands on his head in hysterics. He will be haunted by guilt for his whole life.

Two. The man who crashed into her is about 40 years old and has a shaved head. He has a little scratch on his head, but nowhere near as bad as the damage on Grace. He runs over to Grace's car, on the phone with 911, shaking more than ever. Grace is unconscious. There is an outburst of panic on the street.

One. Grace remains unconscious, but her mind is still at work. That is the thing about people with OCD. Whether they are conscious or unconscious, their mind never stops working. Although she is unconscious, she is still aware the countdown from 10 is over. Any other time, this would cause an extreme panic attack. But right now, she is finally in peace. Yes, she is not in a conscious state and she is bleeding, but she can finally rest. Her subconscious does not register anymore. She wonders if her psychiatrist will be confused about how she got into a car crash. Had she forgotten to take her meds? Was it simply just careless driving? Or was her mind just too powerful for her to even battle anymore? After a life of constantly working to find peace and happiness within her paranoid mind, she has finally achieved it. Her mind is shutting down. She finally found the peace of mind she had been craving.

Zero. Grace slowly leaves the world she had always struggled in but yet was so comfortable in. She always figured she would die of old age or something way later in life, but here she was, 23 years old, dead in a car crash all because of what her busy mind told her to do. Grace struggled with OCD for many years of her life, but she tried to not let it get the best of her. She was seeing a psychiatrist for her difficulties, and she was improving with the work of meds and therapy. Although sometimes she was controlled solely by her mind, there were times where it overpowered her every move and she was at a loss of what to do. Unfortunately, this was one of those times. It was just a case of wrong place at the wrong time considering this was a time her mind made her lose control. No one was truly ever going to understand what went through her brain in the moment. It all happened too quickly for anyone to process. Not Grace, not the man who crashed into her, and not anyone who lived in a house on the street. Sometimes things just happen and it’s out of our control. It just comes to show how much can really happen in 10 seconds.