Jack.

Remember when way back when we were all 5 years old? 

When we were all just learning what love was, love was the way our moms and dads hugged us goodnight or the way mom knew just exactly how to make our pb&js. Suddenly, as we grew older into teenagers love meant boyfriends and girlfriends. It wasn't just family now, it was staying up on the phone talking to that one person, holding hands, and messy breakups. I guess what I'm saying is I wish I had never grown up, I wish I didn't love someone I wasn't supposed to love.

  It all started freshman year, I was so eager for highschool, I couldn't wait to make new friends. I was very nervous because the majority of the kids who went to my middle school went to a different high school. I walked in and immediately saw someone I recognized from a middle school event. His name was Adam, as soon as I saw him I had a conversation with him, and the moment I wish had never came happened. he introduced me to his best friend Jack. He was charming at first, to say the least, he was super cute, but not like Channing Tatum cute, like a nerdy chubby kid kind of cute. I immediately got heart eyes for him and asked for his number. We started texting and a few days later he asked me to be his girlfriend, and that's when the trouble began.

   It was all innocent the first few weeks, we had gone to our lockers to talk and he asked if he could kiss me, I was a little uncomfortable with it at first. I thought he just wanted to get it over with so I agreed but it almost felt forced. That same day he grabbed my ass while we were sitting down, he told me I had a nice butt and that made me feel good about myself but deep down I hated that he did that. As the days went on the touching got progressively worse, he would go farther and farther but would make it seem normal. he would just keep saying "come on", or "please do it for me". It got to the point where he would have his hands down my pants every day if it wasn't for how kindly he treated me or the way he hugged me or took care of me I would have ended it on the spot.

  I started to love him despite the fact he was only there for my body, I knew that he wanted that and only that but I felt like if he left me I would be alone or that he would put my pictures out there, I felt so hurt and anxious all the time. I even developed an eating disorder just to stay skinny for him. I did everything for him, he kept cheating on me and playing me, but I had to act like I didn't care just so he would stay.

As the year went on we were on and off, I was so attached and I didn't know why. I was trapped. 

 August rolls around and I realize I can't do this anymore. I was in mental destruction mode, and everything around me was falling apart because of him. I needed to do something about it, and I finally did. I told him everything he was doing to me, and to my surprise, he felt remorseful.

I wish I had done it sooner because it has ruined everything for me. My trust is broken forever, and I feel as though there is a hole in my life without his love. I wish I had never loved you jack.