Killing Silence

       The walls are so white its almost blinding me, like snow on a quiet plain. The floors are too clean and there is a faint smell of bleach in the air that’s making my nose hairs stand on end. I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here but the pain in my lower back is telling me it’s been too long. The people around me look just like me, sick, uncomfortable, and impatient. How long have they been sitting here, I think to myself, too afraid to speak in this eerily quiet room. I look up to the front desk hoping she will give me reassurance that someone will call me soon, but she doesn’t make eye contact with me she just stares at the computer in front of her, aimlessly typing.

           Suddenly I hear the screech of the wooden door opening across the room and a woman in a long coat speaks a name that’s not mine and I see a man get out of his chair and quickly walk to this woman. I envy him but I know my time has to come soon. After the man left a woman who was standing took his seat; she looked exhausted. I wondered what I looked like to these people. I’m sure I looked disheveled after the night I’d had.

           I could hear someone’s foot tapping now, it was nice to have the silence broken but something about it irritated me. There was no rhythm it was a careless foot tap. Taptaptap taptap tap taptaptaptap tap tap tap taptap. I wanted to scream at the insidious sound. It was like a broken clock that no horologist could dream of fixing. The owner of the indecent tapping could care less the way she was looking straight ahead at nothing. Someone coughed in the background. taptaptap cough tap tap cough taptaptaptap cough cough. This made the burning in my ears unbearable. Shut up, I wanted to yell but my throat burned from the embarrassment I would suffer when all the eyes looked at me.

           Finally, the woman in the long coat came back and called another name that wasn’t mine, and this time the woman with the long coat called the owner of the arrhythmic feet. There was silence again and that’s always preferable, but the silence was broken by the shuffling of someone new entering the waiting room. A family whose children were already more insufferably louder than the feet. A child crying on the mother’s hip while a toddler screamed for attention from the father who looked like he would run to go get milk and never come back. The toddler was pulling on the fathers’ pants, stomping, hitting and every pound of his fist my ears grew hot. I can’t take this much longer but the woman with the coat comes out and ushers them into the wooden door before I have to scream.

           The people are looking at me now probably due to my closeness to the wooden door. They are like me wondering why that family got to go back so soon without waiting. I wonder it they made an appointment ahead of time, I wasn’t aware that was possible, but I don’t exactly have experience with this office. Someone sneezed to my right and before I could catch myself my eyes darted to them. Their eyes were staring into mine, boring into my soul. I couldn’t look at them, but I couldn’t look away. They sneezed again loudly, the kind of sneeze that was purposeful and aggravating. They looked back at me again in the eyes, like they were taunting me. My body wanted to move me forward, yell at them for challenging me, but just as I worked up the nerve the nice lady with the white coat called their name. I wondered how long they were waiting here before me. Eyes glanced back to the door again, it’s strange how it always felt they were looking at me.

           Now that silence has returned, I started to feel the uncomfortable leather seats rubbing against my back. The surface felt too smooth for me, I kept slipping slowly down in my chair it was impossible to keep good posture. My back started hurting again felt a tight pressure at the base of my spine. That couldn’t be good, but surely my time was coming soon. I heard someone begin to cry. It didn’t sound like a child this time, but an adult sitting across the room. She was huffing into her hand trying to remain silent, but the breathing was so loud. I could hear her deep inhales as she tried to calm herself. Heoo heoo heoo sniff hehoo heoo sniff. My ears started to burn again. The more I tried to block out the provoking sound the harder it was to ignore it. Her breathing turned into gasping like she couldn’t breathe but all I could hear were the ins and outs of her breath burning my ears. I wanted her to stop panting like a dog. I wanted to get up and close her mouth for her, but then the beautiful lady with the long coat came to take her away too.

           Back to silence. I bent my head backward to look at the popcorn ceiling, trying to pretend they are stars. Closing my eyes for short periods of time hoping and praying that I will be next. My back feels warm and hurts worse than before. They have to come to get me next, I can’t wait here forever. Then I hear someone running. Clickclack clickclack clickclack. My eyes dart open. They are coming from the hallway. They keep coming. Clickclack ClickClak ClickClack. The sound is getting even louder. My ears start to burn again. The sounds hurt. Why is everything so loud? Why can’t I wait in silence? The pressure on my back shoots down my leg and to my arm. They start to grow warm. Why won’t the nice lady in the long coat come get me?