M.I.A

I looked in the mirror. 

“Deep breaths”, I told myself. Today I was returning to school since I was diagnosed. I glared at the mirror and saw something I didn't want to see. I don't know what it is but i didn't like it. I twirled and fidgeted my long brunette hair in different angles trying to make it look more humid. I sat on the floor, I was scrawny. My eyes were green, my skin was pale. I couldn't help but look and judge, although to most I was considered an attractive girl. I went down stairs and saw my mom over the stove. My brother, Mathew stood next to the island with one arm against while he texted. 

“Goodmorning mom.” i stammered 

“Morning sweetheart.” she said cheerfully. She slid a plate of pancakes towards me. I shook my head and said, “I probably shouldn't,”.

Matthew said sarcastically, “why I thought you were schizophrenia not diabetic,”. 

I looked down at my plate, picked up my fork and frowned. I tuned out the sounds of my mom and brother arguing because of his comment. But, what he said was true. Last year I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. It's all I could think about ever. It didn't seem to me as if i had hallucinations or any of the sort.But because of it i missed school often. With the doctors and therapist I had to see regularly my social life drowned. I was worried that I was dangerous. Was it dangerous? My mom always told me because of my treatment I was like any other student but I couldn't help but feel different.

 My mom picked up her keys from the counter and headed out. Me and Matthew followed behind her. When we arrived at the school she looked back at me with the widest smile I had ever seen. My hands were in between my legs which I was squeezing together. I was nervous, how could i not be. I slide the door open and step out of our minivan. I stood up tall and tried to show confidence but all I could feel were eyes glaring at me. Kids pointed and laughed, I was ready to cry. Once I enter the school my friend Jamiah runs up to me. She wraps her arms around me and jumps up and down.

“Omg , i missed you so much bri.,” she says 

I smile and say, “ ive missed you to.,” My smile fades I then ask her “why is everyone staring at me?,” She looks at me as if i was crazy then looks around

“Girl no one is staring at you,. “

I looked around again and no one even looked my way. I can't help but think that i'm insane. I laugh to make it seem like I was joking. But her laugh wears away.

She said softly, “Your mom told my mom what happened you know, i'm really sorry.,”

Inside it made my blood boil. Why does everyone always say they're sorry? What are they apologizing for? I wanted to tell her what I thought about her being sorry. I wanted to tell her that she could keep it and that it wouldn't cure me.

But all i managed to muster was, “ its ok.,”  

She smiles weakly and heads off to class. 

While walking back from biology I noticed someone familiar , she was tall and had wavy black hair. Red blouse, tight white skirt, and tall red heels. She strutted towards me. 

“Hey there bri bri.,” she says. From hearing her voice I then knew who she was. She was considered popular. I loved everything about her, I wanted to be her.

“H...hi vanessa” I stuttered. She chuckles and hands me an envelope then says snarky, “ I know you had a mental breakdown or whatever so i wanted to do charity and invite you to my party tonight.,” 

My heart melts. At that moment a voice told me to slit her throat. A voice that kept nagging screaming in my ear. She strutted off. 

Jamiah runs up to me “omg you got an invite to we have to go”, she says. Normally my answer would have been no but i wanted to show her up. I wanted her to know that I wasn't some charity case. I smirk.

That night I wore and tried on every dress in my closet. Until finally I came across a dress I bought but never worn. It was red with sparkles that could dazzle for miles. It was tight and had a mermaids form. I squeeze myself into the dress. I put on a necklace and slide gloves that reached my forearm. I put one hand on my hand and stared into the mirror. I looked stunning. My mom comes up to my room and leans against the door entrance. I smile, but this time it was a real smile. With no words she simply waves for me to come on. 

When i reached Vanessa victorian home i noticed the home was much bigger than mine. Everyone was dressed so formally, I walked in and waited close to the entrance hoping jamiah would arrive soon. I hear a voice tell me, She isn't coming. For some reason I listened to it and I began to walk around. Shortly a boy walked up to me and asked if I'd like to dance . I look into his face, not even asking for his name and nod.When he grabs my hand he pulls me close,I look and study his face. His brown hair which had been bleached at the ends seemed soft. He had broad shoulders which felt comforting,he me around twirled and pulled me across the dance floor. It makes me happy. But then I hear a screech in my ear. I grab my head and shake it like a maniac. He pulls away and looks at me and I couldn't tell what his expression meant. I run up the stairs, and run into a nearby bedroom. It must've been Vanessa's. I look around. It was pink, preppy and had a big window opposite of the bed. I hear the door sling open. It was Vanessa, she seemed mad.

She yelled, “what are you doing in my room!” She kept yelling mean things like charity, poor, and hopeless. I couldn't think straight because of the noise. She was blocking my thinking, I wanted her to stop!

Then the door flung open again, it was the boy. The one I danced with, he must have come up to check on me. He noticed Vanessa yelling. 

“Stop yelling at her. “, he said annoyed 

But her snarky remarks continued, he then began walking towards her cornering her to the other side of the room. But it didn't seem to bother her. She just kept backing up making meaner comments than before. I guess at that moment he must've felt my pain, or felt sorry for me at the least. He extended his arm forward and pushed her. The window behind her shattered and she fell back. I should've been thankful, scared, or anything besides how i was feeling. I felt like he was dangerous..like me. I thought that if he could do that to her he could do it to me. I know I'm right, the voice in my head is telling me so. He looks down through the window scarred . I glare at the desk and notice scissors. I grab them and start hurling towards him. He turns around just at the right time and I stab him in his eyes. But it didn't stop there, I ripped the scissors out of his left eye and continued stabbing him vigorously over and over. Till eventually a smile came across my face. It felt like I scratched an itch that had to be scratched. I stand up and turn around with the scissors clenched in my hand. I see kamiah standing there with her eyes opened wide. Traumatized. 

I grin, “Can you keep a secret? “