Come Out

It was clear what I had to do. I mean, it was my job and what I was getting paid for. I could do this. For the money, I could do this.

I reached for the doorknob but stopped myself, my hands trembling.

....Or could I? Could I really? Risk public embarrassment- no, complete social humiliation for this? ....but two hundred dollars is a lot. Well, to me it was. They were paying me to do this because they knew I was poor. And why should a poor guy have this big of an ego? Money was money. And I needed it.

"Mason! Yo, what's up, man!"

It was the green-eyed, ginger that was our center to the football team. He stood over me by at least six inches and seemed to always have this dimpled smile on his face.

I cleared my throat and rubbed the back of my neck, trying to hide the fact that I jumped. And it's not that I didn't like Brandon. It was kind of the opposite.

Just great. The one person I didn't want to see tonight.

I forced a smile and patted his back. "Good to see you, man."

He looked at me and for a minute his smile seemed to falter. "You okay, man?"

"I....." I cleared my throat and pushed the hair out of my eyes. "I'm good. Good. Great."

"Yeah...." He gave me a look and slapped me on the back. "Well, I'll see you inside."

All I could do was nod. "Yep. Sounds good. Good. Great."

Shit, I really had to do this. And if I didn't, I'd be outed anyways- and 200 dollars short of cash. But I couldn't do this to the team. They had become my brothers for four years now. What would they say when they found out I was lying to them?

I sighed. Fuck it. I could switch schools afterwards. I could live the rest of senior year at home. Screw public school. It wouldn't even be a big deal anyways. I could delete Snapchat and delete Instagram. I would even live out a year as a fucking hobo afterwards. But I needed that cash now.

I sucked in a breath and pulled open the door. Almost immediately, the smell of alcohol and weed wafted onto my face. I could do this. I could do this.

I stepped inside and shut the door behind me. Inside, the music was blaring and everyone seemed to by moving to the beat- one girl was even leaning over the banister to the second floor, spilling her beer all over some couple making out on one of tables.

I had to find Stephanie and get this stupid thing over with.

I spotted her near the couple on the table. She was handing out drinks from the punch bowl like we were all at some middle school prom. She looked up and her eyes immediately found me. Ah fuck, maybe I should have waited.

"Ma-son!" She marched towards me, her hills making sharp, jolts onto the wooden floor. It was like Morse code- for the devil.

She wrapped a arm around my shoulder and leaned her had onto my arm. "I didn't think you'd come. But, now that your here, let's get to business."

She called her friend over and turned to hand me a mic. I clinched my teeth as they both put a manicured hand on my shoulder and lead me towards the stairs. We weaved our way past a girl in a Mickey Mouse costume and a few couples making out.

We finally made it to the top and I turned to see an empty spot that looked over the second floor. She had sectioned it off somehow and people gave me space when I moved towards it. Did they know? Did she already tell them?

Fuck, I couldn't do this. I just couldn't-

But when I looked up, I was already there. I was already where she fucking wanted me to be. And the noise had died down. And people were beginning to stare. And why wouldn't they? I was literally standing here with a goddamn mic like i had something to say.

Did I have something to say?

"You got this, Mason. Do it for the money." Stephanie patted my back and reached over to stuff a wad of cash into my shirt.

Fuck, she had to do that in front of everyone, didn't she?

Suddenly, a draft seemed to flutter over my back as something came down behind me. I didn't have to turn around to know what it was. She made a poster....about me. Now I couldn't turn back, even if I wanted to.

But maybe it didn't say that, specifically. Maybe it was just telling everyone to have a great new year, or celebrating our win against the Bears last Friday.

I glanced down at my hands that were now holding the banister so hard that my knuckles were beginning to go white. Finally, I looked up at all the surprised faces down below and spotted Brandon leaning against the front door. He was holding a beer can in his hand and had squeezed it so hard that it had overflowed onto his hands and onto the floor. He kept on looking between me and the poster behind me.

....shit. Was my heart all of a sudden broken or something? Why did I feel like throwing the mic and busting out a window? Why did I feel like curling into a ball and crying? I didn't know what to say and I hated this. I felt like a goddamn outcast.

I sucked in a breath and slowly brought the microphone up to my mouth, before the moment could get any more awkward. "Hey....guys. I hope we're all having a happy new year..."

A few woops sounded out from the crowd, which made me feel less like throwing up.

"Well...." I clucked my tongue and rubbed the back of my neck. "I'm the captain of the- "

"We know! But what's with the sign man- ?"

"-Is it true?"

"-Yeah....is it true?"

"I...." I glanced over my shoulder and as I suspected, in bold, black letters read:

I AM GAY

I looked throughout the crowd and could make out all the boys on my football team- the line back, the wide receiver, the corner back. They were all looking at me like I was a little bitch. Like all of a sudden my place on the team, or my place in society as a fucking human being had just demolished.

I felt sick to my stomach. My hands were shaking so bad that I could barely hold the mic to my mouth. "The....the thing is- "

They didn't say anything as I fumbled for an answer. They were all staring at me like they didn't even know who I was anymore.

"I...well..." I leaned against the banister and clucked my tongue. "I'm not gay. I'm- "

One guy named Pete pointed over my head. "Then what does that sign mean, man? You calling Stephanie a liar?"

"Seriously?" Stephanie stepped forward and pointed a finger at me. "I am not a liar! Me and Bethany literally saw him lip locking with some guy a few weeks ago! And I'm not being mean or anything, I love gay guys. They just need to be cheer leading or something, not on the freaking football team! And he's a wannabe anyways. Literally, the only reason he wanted to come here is because I said I would give him a wad of cash."

I glanced at her and I could feel something in me snap. "I'm Bi."

I glanced at the crowd as they stood there in silence. "I like men. I like women. I'm Bi. Give me one reason why this suddenly means I'm after everyone! Y'all give yourself too much credit. If I'm going to say I like someone, it's not you. And if you were wondering, just like you seem to be wondering about every other fucking thing in my life, it was two hundred. Two hundred dollars so my...."

I could feel my eyes start to get hot and puffy and I sucked in a breath, my voice shaking. "...so my sister can get her back surgery."

There was a long silence and my hands began shaking so bad that I finally dropped the mic into the crowd. Which was good, because I was done. I had the money. And everyone...knew. I didn't have a good reason to be here anymore.

I glanced at Brandon and he was staring at me so seriously that his eyes had turned to a dark green color. "I- "

"Do you like me?"

"What?" I stared at him. Was he seriously asking this question? I should of expected this- that they would all assume that I liked them, I just didn't know why it felt worse coming from him. And all this had to happen on fucking New Year's Eve.

"I'm being serious. Do you?"

I stared at him, knowing the answer off the bat, but not sure how I should respond. "Listen, man- "

"Don't call me 'man'. "

Wow, low blow. I cleared my throat. "Oka- "

"Or 'dude'. Or 'bro'. Listen, I'm going to tell you this while I'm still brave."

I paused to think about that. What? What the hell was he talking about?

He stepped forward and moved to stand right below the banister. I glanced at the crowd before looking down at him. The room was silent as we waited to hear what he had to say.

"I......I like you."

Coo's spread throughout the room and it was all I could do to push it out my mind. Was he being for real? "....oh."

Oh? Was that all I could say? Wasn't what he just said a good thing?

My time to answer was interrupted when some guy ran up to me and handed me a bottle of wine. "It's time for the motherfucking countdown! Everybody, count with me! FIVE!!!"

The people in the crowd held up their alcohol- seeming to welcome the tension-breaker- and echoed after him. "FOUR!!"

"THREE!!"

"TWO!!!!"

I glanced at Brandon and his eyes lingered over my body before making full on eye contact. I smiled at him, but I could feel fear pushing at the back of my mind. If I liked him, what would that mean for the team? Would we ever play the same again? ....But it wasn't a 'if' I liked him, cause I kind of fucking did.

"ONE!!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!"