The Struggles of Change

*Trigger Warning: Contains violence and offensive language

“Today’s the day I change.”

Arthur stared at his reflection in the mirror as he repeated this phrase to himself. Change is not a simple thing for a person stuck in mundanity, but Arthur was determined to transform his life. He looked out the window at the sun shining amidst the clouds. He would no longer bend under the weight of society or those that drag him down. Arthur was a changed man.

The walls of Arthur’s office were painted a drab gray which he found somewhat demotivating so he decided to have it repainted into a more exciting shade of red. Arthur decided that it would mark his first step into a more fulfilling and exciting life. He dipped the brush into the pail of red paint and started vigorously brushing the walls. Drips and splashes of paint went everywhere as Arthur continued his rampant recoloring of the wall.

“Beautiful, so beautiful, what a beautiful color”

Arthur whispered these words over and over again as he moved his brush in broad strokes. Red paint splattered onto Arthur’s clothes like fresh blood from a massacre. The smile on Arthur’s face stretched from one ear to the other as he imagined everything dyed in red.

“What are you doing, Arthur?”

A young woman stood at the door with a shocked expression on her face.

“Oh Maggie, I am just recoloring my walls with a more beautiful color.”

Arthur continued his artistic endeavor as he answered Maggie’s question. Maggie’s confusion did not lessen, and she tried again to ascertain Arthur’s actions.

“Yeah, I can see that, Arthur, but why? You might get in trouble with the boss.”

“Maggie, do you want to come over for dinner tonight?”

Without answering Maggie’s question, Arthur replied with a random proposal for a dinner which confused Maggie even more.

“Arthur, you know we can’t do that, what about your wife?”

“Oh, she won’t be a problem anymore, so how about it?”

“She won’t be a problem? Why? Did she leave you?”

“Arthur! Stop! Please!”

“It was something like that I guess, so what do you say?”

“Nooo! Art-“

“Oh…. Arthur, are you okay?”

“Hmm? Ofcourse I’m fine. I have never felt better.”

Drip….drip….the blood dripped from the knife.

“Okay then, if you don’t mind, I will be coming to your house for dinner, see you then.”

Maggie left the room, leaving Arthur with a sense of accomplishment he has never felt in his life.

“Today’s the day I change.”

He repeated the promise he made to himself and smiled.

               Arthur loved cooking. He has always enjoyed experimenting with different flavors and ingredients to make something uniquely his own. He took the vegetables and meat out of the fridge and started chopping them with a knife. Nimble and skillful were his movements as he diced the vegetables in small even pieces. Arthur was bursting with anticipation for the upcoming dinner with Maggie. He would prove to himself and her that he had changed.

“Are you sure you changed for the better though, Arthur?”

“Of course, I have. I am no longer weighed down by you, after all.”

“Really? I’m pretty sure you weighed yourself down. You always have.”

“Shut up! I don’t need you berating me anymore. Leave!”

“I would, Arthur, I really would but you just can’t seem to let me go.”

“Fuck! Now look what you made me do, you bitch!”

Arthur cut himself on the finger with the knife. The pain stung him, and blood poured out of the wound. Arthur calmly stared at his finger as it bled.

I can’t let her get to me like this. Not anymore.

Arthur sighed and cleaned the wound at the sink. He couldn’t afford to be held back by the past. He was a changed man after all.

               Arthur and Maggie sat on opposite sides of the dining table facing each other as they ate their dinner.

“Arthur, I heard you got fired today, is it true?”

Maggie asked as she stabbed a piece of carrot with her fork.

“Yeah, they fired me for trying to renovate my office. Well, what can you do?”

“But Arthur, I still don’t get why you did that. You could have at least asked the boss for permission.”

“Whatever, who cares about that? So, what if I lost my job, I’ll just get a new one. I never liked working there anyway, it’s so tedious and restrictive. I need to be able to breathe and live freely.”

Arthur was actually starting to find Maggie slightly tedious as well, with her constant nagging. She was starting to remind him of his ex-wife, and he found that deeply upsetting.

“I am just worried about you, Arthur. With you wife leaving you and now this, I am just afraid you won’t be able to handle it.”

“Won’t be able to handle it? What do you mean by that?”

“Nothing…it’s just I am just worried about you, that’s all.”

Is she pitying me? Me?

Arthur’s rage started to rise as he came to the realization that Maggie sees him as a weak man.

“I told you, Arthur. It’s not me or Maggie or your job. It’s you, it has always been you. You can never change.”

“Shut up! Shut up! Don’t fucking make fun of me! I’ll change, I’ll show you I can change.”

“Who are you talking to, Arthur?”

Arthur grabbed his knife and walked towards Maggie.

“Arthur?! What are you doing?! Put down the knife!”

Maggie got up from her seat and tried to run by Arthur grabbed her by the hair and slammed her to the ground. Blood pooled on the ground from Maggie head.

“Nooooo! Arthur! Stop! Please, Arthur!”

“You can’t change, Arthur. You will live in misery, trapped in your own mind for the rest of your pitiful life.”

“Shut up! I can change and I will change! I will show you!”

Red filled his vision.

“Today is the day I change.”

Arthur stared at his reflection in the mirror as he repeated this phrase to himself. He found himself worried at the obstacles he would face in his journey for change, but he quickly shrugged it off. After all, nobody said change was easy.