Shrekella

“Oh come on Darcy! Please no blind dates…”

“What?! You did what?!”

“Un-believable. You know that I don’t do blind dates. Let alone dates. I’m just not the girl for that.”

“What do you mean I don’t get out much? Ugh, hello. I have friends. I have you!”

“Prude? Who you calling prude? Excuse moi. I am no prude.”

“Just….what? Darcy! I ain’t got the time!”

“Wait. Hello? Hello? Hello?! She hung up. Great. Just great.”

I slumped on the couch as my cat, Poseidon, sat on my lap and then stared at me. 

“What are you looking at?” I hissed.

Poseidon just looked at me with his great blue eyes and purred as I combed his soft black fur with my freshly-cut finger nails.

I let out a deep sigh and mouthed the words “I’m sorry” to Poseidon. I guess there won’t be any me-time with Poseidon tonight. Darcy the Great just set me up on a blind date. The nerve of that girl! Argh! If only murder was legal I would’ve done the act already.

I’ve never been on a blind date. Let alone, “date”, for about four and a half years now. Ever since I got my heart broken by a selfish insignificant man, I decided to live the life of a single independent woman. Everything was going swell – I got a job that pays me good money, my own small apartment, and Poseidon. For me, I am already happily-contented with those three in my life.

However, Darcy the Great here, had thought that I was living a miserable life just because I had no man to sweep me off my feet. She thought that I was some prude and that I had no social life. Likewise, she found a way to make me go.  

Irritated, I went to the mirror and inspected my face. “God, I’m gonna mess this up.”

****

“Man, y’know I don’t do dates anymore.”

“I’m sick and tired of you setting me up with all these models and actresses.”

“Why? Well, I don’t know… We never really zinged.”

“Oh, so you’re laughing.”

“Just…fine. One last date, then I’m done. Capeesh?”

I ended the phone call and then checked the time. It was already five noon. I proceeded to do work as usual and planned to prepare for the blind date mentioned afterwards.

****

­­­­­­My name is Ava Marie Roxelle. People call me Shrekella for short because of my curvaceous body. I dyed my hair green not too long ago and for tonight’s blind date I decided to dress up in the shades of gothic black – meaning black boots, black socks, black dress that falls down just below the knees and lastly, a black leather jacket to top it all. I matched my makeup to my outfit and made sure that I had my hair tied in a bun. If this’ll be my first blind date, then I’d have to do my best to make it my last, and what better way to do that than to create the gothiest look I can. This way, when things don’t work out, I’d still walk away looking like a badass.

I know that I could just not go there and ghost the guy, stay at home, watch the movie I’ve been wanting to watch for a long time, and maybe even knit Poseidon a new sweater for fall since his old one was chewed up and a little too small. Just anything to keep myself from going. Believe me that’s all I want, but Darcy here somewhat managed to know my social security number and threatened to use all of my credit card IDs for her shopping spree if I didn’t go. Knowing Darcy, I wouldn’t be surprised if she even knows the password to my Netflix account, but with her using my money for her shopaholic needs was a big no-no.

Darcy said to meet my mystery date at the Monte Carlo bar at exactly 8 pm. I decided to go there five minutes earlier just so I could back out once I felt like it.

I ordered sparkling grape juice while I waited and as I looked around, I noticed a man standing amidst the crowd, wearing a red long sleeved shirt and some skinny jeans.

****

My name is Emmanuel Capalad II and I am so tired of this whole entire blind date shindig.

At first it was exciting, the scheme of not knowing who your date for the night will be as the two of you try to hit off gives off a feeling of excitement and intrigue, like you’re travelling deep into the forest then discover some great ancient artefact. That is until you realize that each time you travel into that same forest and discover the same thing over and over, as you feel more and more empty than the last time, makes you exhausted. I tried my hardest to stay and understand, but with every trial and error, it seems to me that I’m just not fit for this whole dating thing.

It’s been 5 months since I’ve dated someone, and I think things have been going great. But my buddy Marco thought otherwise. And so he did what he thought what was best for me and that was setting me up again with another blind date which was, of course, different from what I had in mind. He could’ve just set me up for some Hawaiian get-away and I’d be very glad to accept the offer. However, knowing Marco…I just hope he didn’t set me up with one of those shallow supermodels again. If this were to be my last blind date, I hope it would be someone that has depth. Someone whom I could have an emotional connection with.

I finished work earlier than expected and so after I took a quick shower, I grabbed a pair of skinny jeans and slipped on my go-to red long-sleeved shirt. I wasted no time getting ready. I just wanted to get this thing done and over with.

****

I recognised the guy in the red-sleeved sweater. He used to be my long-time lab partner back in high school. Without thinking, I found myself walking towards Emmanuel.

“Hi.”

****

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Emmanuel. Ava. Remember me?”

 “Shrekella? God, how long has it been? It’s been years. How are you? I never heard of you ever since y’know…”

“My dad walked away with another woman? Yeah…”

“Yeah, sorry for bringing it up.”

“No, no. Don’t be. It’s okay.”

“Ahaha. So…what are you doing here?”

“I was supposed to meet my blind date here. He said to meet him at 8 pm sharp but I decided to go 5 minutes earlier just so if anything, I could totally bale.”

“No kidding.”

“No, I’m not kidding. Why?”

“Well, I was about to meet my blind date here too.”

“…”

“Yeah, I was just about to text her. Here lemme just type ‘hello’.”

Suddenly Ava’s cell pinged. She looked at her cell’s screen and never had she felt that humiliation in her entire life.

“So you plan on baling on me?”