All In Your Head

A flashing light came from my phone, signaling a notification, "Party for Kenny's birthday!" I smiled snoozing my reminder of my friend's birthday party. I walked up the stairs of my house, heading into my room. My parents were working late while my sister was doing her homework. "Hey, I'm going to head out, I'll be home before midnight." I let my sister know as she passed by my door. I got changed out of my work clothes and headed into my bathroom to shower. I stopped in my tracks looking at myself in the mirror. "Dark red stretch marks, looks like you're getting bigger," I heard a voice say. I stared into the mirror, seeing my reflection but the girl in front of me wasn't me, "You think you can go to a party looking bigger than you did this week?" she spoke. I shook my head, taking a deep breath in and went to shower.

After washing up, I went to my closet to pick out my clothes - I decided on my new dark red jumpsuit and leather jacket with heels. "Good choice on the jacket, it'll hide your sausage arms from spilling out of that jumpsuit." I heard the same voice say as my reflection in my closet full body mirror spoke back to me. I took a second glance, hesitating on my choice and sighed. I put the clothes back and decided on regular blue denim jeans and a sweater blouse. "Well now you're just making it easier for me, looking like a 12-year-old boy. How adorable, would you like a lollipop to go with that look?" I rolled my eyes, sighed once again and slammed my closet door shut, deciding to just lay in my bed. "I can't go, everyone will look at me and laugh. I'm fat and on top of that, I look like a child. What's the point?" My sister knocked on my door, "I heard the door slam, everything good? Why are you wearing that? I thought you were going to a party," My sister said. "I look too weird; I don't know what to wear." I told her, as I shrugged and she walked in heading towards my closet, "Hmm, why not the jumpsuit? You look amazing in that, take my word for it." She said, smiling as she handed me the clothes, "Remember, Bree, it's all in your head. Wear this, it's beautiful." I took a breath and nodded. As my sister left, I got changed for the third time, I quickly did a simple make up look in the mirror, "Oh now you look like a clown, all caked up." My reflection spoke again as I rolled my eyes and shook it off. I grabbed my purse and phone, and left the house, driving to my friend's party.

I arrived at the two-story house, colorful lights flashing through the windows, people spilling in and out of the doorway. I smiled as I left my car and walked inside, instantly finding the birthday girl and our best friends. "Bree, you made it! I was getting anxious thinking you weren't coming!" Kenny said hugging me and handing me a drink, "Wouldn't miss it for the world Kenny." I said, drinking from the red cup. 

After partying for a few hours, I went into the bathroom to freshen up, "Ew, look at you, all sweaty your clown makeup is melting away, you look even worse than before you left the house." I sighed, looking deeper into the mirror, cleaning off my makeup. I looked at my washed face, seeing red spots, slight dark eyes, pale lips. I really do look terrible, no matter what I do. I started feeling choked up, tears welling up in my eyes as I could face away from the image in the mirror. My tears staining my face as I felt stuck, I couldn't move, I felt like I couldn't breathe. "No amount of makeup with save you. Don't even get me started once again on that outfit, you're going to stain it with all the sweat pouring out of you, greasy pig. Yet you can't take off the jacket, wouldn't want those sausages running off, now would we?" My reflection smiled at me as my tears continued spilling, I remained stuck in the same position. "I'm so-" I couldn't form the words as my lips quivered and I sobbed to my reflection in the mirror, yet I can't force myself to remove my eyes. A knock at the door shook me back to normal, "Bree? Everything alright?" I opened the door, wiping my eyes. She looked at my stained face, and hugged me, "It's all in your head Bree. It's okay."