“So Ana!" Has your Mum bought you something really cool to wear to the graduation ball?" asks Sophie, a question that is designed to make Ana feel humiliated. Ana blushes and looks down at the table and mumbles a reply. “What did you say Ana?" “I did not hear you”. Sophie pushes the subject. Ana looks up and her cheeks are flushed. “I am not going.” “Oh poor Ana, you will be like Cinderella” taunts Sophie. “We can’t afford a dress, Sophie because my Mum has to support us by herself.” “Well why don’t you go to The Salvos, you could get a cheap second hand dress and I am sure your Mum could do your hair.” Sophie mocked.
Ana had been granted a scholarship to attend this private college that her mother could not have afforded. She was a bright student and loved her studies especially languages and all humanities.
Life had not been easy for Ana. Her father had abandoned them when she was a toddler and her mother had struggled to raise her three children. It distressed her , when she could not give her children what other people were able to give their families in spite of the long hours that she spent at work. She was extremely proud of Ana, the eldest of her children for her efforts to make something of herself in the future. She knew that in spite of Ana becoming a student at the prestigious college she knew she had to deal with some unpleasant nastiness from a few of the students who resented Ana being there because she was on a scholarship and did not belong to the social circle that they mixed in. Sophie was particularly unpleasant and delighted in humiliating Ana every time she had the opportunity. Sophie was the leader of a small group of girls who delighted in making life difficult for anyone that they decided to victimize. Ana tried to avoid Sophie and her friends but sometimes they would corner her after school when she was alone or during lunch time when there were other students around as Sophie loved to watch the sniggers from her group of friends.
Sarah Christie was the daughter of a television producer who owned his own production company. He was admired in his field for his skill and the wonderful programs that he produced. Sarah was intelligent and a girl who drew people to her as she was kind and always had time to listen to people. She did not associate with Sophie’s group as she had no respect for her cruel behaviour.
Sarah lived a very privileged life as she was able to have the best of everything but she did not flaunt her family’s wealth and status. Ana had spoken to her a few times and she felt comfortable in her company, however she never thought that she could be Sarah’s close friend as they lived in totally different worlds.
A few days after the conversation that Ana had with Sophie when she admitted that she would not be going to the ball, Sarah approached her after classes and asked if she would mind helping her with some French homework that she was struggling with. “It is not my forte, I’m afraid. I do struggle with it and I know you are just a natural when it comes to language” “If you have time to help me, you can come to my house and if you like you can stay for dinner if your Mum does not need you at home”
Ana was pleasantly surprised that Sarah asked her to help and even more so to be invited to her home. They arranged that the next evening she would go home with Sarah after school. She was a little nervous when the time came as she knew which was Sarah’s house and it was very grand.
They spent the hours before dinner, going through the problems that Sarah was having with her French. Ana helped her with some conversation and pronunciation as well as the tricky parts of the grammar. Her mother worked in the media department of the production company and both her parents were still at work when they arrived home. Sarah was an only child, so her parents were always happy to welcome her friends to their home. Ana could not help but be impressed by the stunning house.
When they went downstairs for dinner she met Sarah’s parents. She instantly liked them as they were genuinely interested in her and very grateful that she could help Sarah with her studies. They had a relaxed conversation at dinner and Ana enjoyed the delicious menu that the cook had served. Ana could not believe that a family could sit down and have a beautiful meal served up without having to spend considerable time in the kitchen. At her home, she normally had to prepare the dinner as her mother was still at work. They ate simple dishes but her mother always made sure that the ingredients were nutritious. Sarah’s parents teased their daughter when they discovered that Ana usually prepared the family meal after school. “Sarah burns the toast, so she will not become a chef that is a fact!” they laughed. Sarah’s Mum admired Ana’s ability to do well in her studies and to be able to care for her siblings as well.
Without realizing that she would be making Ana feel awkward, Sarah’s mother asked her was she looking forward to the ball. Ana blushed and explained that she could not go as her mum could not afford her dress.
“Oh Ana, you must go as this is the last school function that you will ever attend because next year you will be going to university or starting work somewhere.” "You have to enjoy your youth.”
I would love to go Mrs Christie but it is just not possible. “Please call me Jane, Ana.” “Mrs Christie makes me feel positively ancient!" “OK, then, if that is alright with you.” replied Ana. Sarah’s mother turned to her daughter and said. “You have lots of lovely dresses that you do not wear.” “Why don’t you let Ana have one for the evening?” “You are both about the same size.”
Ana was overwhelmed by this thoughtful suggestion but she thought that her mother would feel hurt if she had to borrow a dress and she did not want to hurt her feelings. “Ana would you accept the dress as payment for tutoring Sarah until her exams?"queried Sarah’s father. “Well I would happily tutor as a favour but it might make it easier for Mum to accept the dress." " She would think of it as charity if I accepted the dress without doing something to earn it.”
"Well it is a deal then, you help Sarah to pass her French exam and we will pay you with a beautiful dress!”
The two girls headed off to the bedroom to look through the dresses. Ana was overcome by the number of stunning gowns. Even if she had one of these she would never have a chance to wear it.
“You are so lucky Sarah to have this wonderful wardrobe of clothes!”exclaimed Ana. “I realize that I am lucky Ana, but I do have to attend a lot of dinners and awards with my parents so I have to have an extensive wardrobe but I can’t wait to see a dress on you.” “Which ones appeal to you?” You have such beautiful, creamy, white skin and incredible hair!” “You really are a stunner Ana and you don’t even know it.” “That is why horrible Sophie targets you because you are so stunning even in your school uniform” “She is jealous of you.” “I don’t know how her boyfriend can be bothered with her as he seems to be very nice whenever I have spoken to him."
Sarah voiced her observations. “He is certainly a great looking guy.”
On the night of the ball, Ana went to Sarah’s home to get ready. She was so excited that she was nearly bursting with happiness.
Sarah’s father arranged for a driver to take them to the venue and they entered the hotel lobby together. As they walked into the venue, heads turned and stared at them. Ana had not mentioned to anyone that she was attending the ball so jaws were dropping when they saw her transformation. Her dress was a deep blue with a fleck of sparkle through it which twinkled when she moved. It was very classic and fitted her shapely body to perfection. She had left her hair loose as Sarah thought it was too beautiful to wear up. It cascaded down her back, the black shiny waves complimenting her flawless, creamy white skin. Sophie was staring in amazement with her group of mean friends and Ana was secretly pleased that she could see that they were impressed in a reluctant way but made no effort to compliment her as many of the other students were doing. Sophie was so annoyed that Ana had been able to come to the ball but spitefully resentful that she looked by far the most stunning girl there. She sidled past Ana and in her most mocking tone asked her if she had escaped from being Cinderella for the evening. “Your mum must have shop lifted that dress, but you are still plain old Ana underneath.”
Ana faced her, feeling confident in her transformed appearance and said, “No my mum is not a shop lifter, but I have this beautiful dress tonight because I have been fortunate to meet someone like a fairy god mother and that is Sarah who has shown me great generosity by giving me this dress." Sarah stepped in and addressing Sophie, told her that the dress was payment for work that Ana had done for her and her family so she had well and truly earned it.
The music was playing and some of the students were dancing together. Sophie was with her boyfriend, Charles and they began to dance. When the bracket of dances finished, Charles wandered over to speak to Sarah. While they were chatting, Ana joined them, as she had been fully occupied partnering some of the boys who were falling over themselves to make themselves known to her. “Oh Charles I don’t think you have met Ana. This is Charles, Ana.” “I have seen you with Sophie” commented Ana. “It is nice to meet you.” The music started up again and Charles asked if he could dance with her. Ana was a little reluctant as she did not want to be on the receiving end of Sophie’s wrath. Charles was persistent so they moved onto the dance floor, looking like a perfect couple.
Charles danced with Ana for the next few numbers and he told her that he could not believe he had never met her before. They were just about to start the next dance when Sophie who had been seething on the sidelines, suddenly burst onto the dance floor and angrily confronted Ana spilling out all the nastiness that she could think of to belittle her.
“You think you can come here and pretend that you are one of us. I told you that you are nothing but a pathetic little Cinderella, so why don’t you leave immediately and go back to your trashy family.”
Ana’s lip trembled as these words ripped into her. She felt her eyes fill with scalding tears but she did not want Sophie to see that she had hurt her. While she was deciding how to deal with the situation, Charles stepped in between her and Sophie. To everyone’s astonishment he walked up to Sophie and spoke right into her face. “Sophie, if Ana is Cinderella then you and your friends here are the step sisters.” “You may not be ugly physically but you are ugly to the core inside.” “I have stood by and watched you tear into your victims too many times and quite frankly I am over it. I am finished with you so don’t contact me anymore and keep away from Ana.” “She is everything that you should strive to be if you want to be a decent human being in the future.”
As Charles took Ana by her arm and linked his other one into Sara’s arm he received applause from the room. There were so many students who had been bullied and belittled by Sophie and her friends and now they watched as Sophie stood gaping as Charles left with Ana and Sophie walking out of her life.
Ana remembered for the rest of her life, that magical evening when she was transformed into a beautiful princess.
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5 comments
Your idea is good and the story follows life relationships. I believe the quotation marks were a bit unusual in that for the same character's sentences, you put each sentence into a quotation but if the sentences are following one another, it's only necessary after the complete speech. Second point: end of story, the sentence Charles walked away with Ana. You wrote and 'with Sophie', shouldn't this have been Sarah?
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Yes it should be Sarah. So much for my rereading it several times. I thought there was an editing tool for after it was published but can't fin dthis. Would change it if I could. Yes my punctuation was a bit weird. It is a long time since I left school and had forgotten the rules but will have to brush up. Thank you for reading it.
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Nice Cinderella spin on the story. :) However, just watch the punctuation. When the same person talks for a long time and says lots of sentences, you don’t have to keep putting the speech marks. Just do it like this: “I think that summer is the best season. This is because you can go to the beach!” said Susan. And when a new person starts speaking, you start a new line, like this: “You aren’t pretty enough to come to the ball,” she said. “Don’t be mean to my friend!” shouted Anne. “Yeah, stop being mean,” said Charles. If you do...
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Thank you for the review Crystal. Yes I am a bit rusty when it comes to the punctuation. So long since I left school! I will take that into consideration and get my grammar book out for a refresh.
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No problem. Punctuation can be quite annoying to get right though sometimes!
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