Alone Under the Moon

Alone Under the Moon

Lorna knew that her husband’s career meant he would have to spend time away from her and the children. In fact, she had met him in NASA and she knew what marrying an astronaut would involve in terms of long absences from earth. But she was sure they could cope with these separations. One of the astronaut’s wives called Alison said, “You will get used to these separations. Just make sure you have your hobbies and interests and don’t let yourself get into a rut”. And Lorna did have a few hobbies and she was close to Alison and a few of the other astronauts’ wives. 

Time passed and the marriage was fairly stable. However, Lorna began to wonder if being in the space station for three months at a time was somehow affecting her husband’s mental health. She read a few interesting studies on the NASA website that discussed the impact of space travel on the human body. The first piece focused on space radiation. She found out that although on earth we are exposed to a certain amount of radiation, in space there are higher levels of it. This can impact on the astronauts’ short and long term health outcomes. They could be at an increased risk of cancer, cardiac disease and cataracts. 

Then she read about the psychological effects of confinement and isolation. Being cooped up in a space station and not getting fresh air was bound to be stressful. She had also found out that life in deep space can disrupt our internal clock as our circadian rhythms become disrupted. Of course Light-Emitting Diode (LED) can help to balance these rhythms and this intervention has been helpful. But no amount of technology can replace the rhythms of day and night. 

Alice also read about the lives of famous astronauts who seemed to have had meltdowns after their space missions. For example, Buzz Aldrin, the second man to set foot on the moon on July 21^st1969, descended into depression and alcoholism. When asked what the lunar surface looked like, he described it as ‘magnificent desolation’. His memoir, Magnificent Desolationrecounted the challenges faced by the crew of Apollo 11 in this historic journey and his own personal demons as well. 

She would try to raise these issues with her husband, Bob but he didn’t really want to discuss them. He said, “when I was young, I saw the footage of Neil Armstrong taking his first step on the moon. I will never forget his words,‘That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.’ And when anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always said, an astronaut.”

Things came to a head when Bob announced one evening, “I have been picked to go on a longer mission this time. It will be a great opportunity for me. This time we are going to find out if there is any water on the moon.” He went to tell Lorna about the project. Then he talked about the huge number of stars in our galaxy that might also have planets. Lorna said, “What do you mean by a longer mission”? He explained that it would be at least six months. Lorna was furious and she said, “that’s a very long time. Am I supposed to look after the children and the house while you disappear until next year. This is the last straw”. 

They did not part on good terms and Lorna did not know how she could accept this long separation. When he left the children would ask when their father was coming back. Bob Junior would look up at the moon at night and say, “I wonder what dad is doing now. Is he lonely away up there. Does he miss our movie night?” It amazed Lorna how much the children seemed to connect with their father even though the moon was around 238, 855 miles away from earth. Lisa, their youngest child drew pictures of the moon and the spaceship and the astronauts. She said to her mother one day, “mommy, can you send dad my picture, the one I drew at school yesterday?” Bob Junior carried out research on her father’s trip and found out that the aim of the mission was to investigate the possibility of locating lunar water on the moon. Lorna encouraged her children to connect with their father and she knew her husband would appreciate the fact that they were proud of him. They seemed to think that someday humans would be living on the moon and they believed that somehow or other the scientists would find a way to make it habitable. 

Lorna did not share her children’s enthusiasm. She thought that it was a far-fetched notion that humans could ever live on a planet where it was impossible for them to breathe. As well as that, the lack of gravity on the moon meant that humans would lose 2% of their bone density every month because of weightless. Her friend Alison said, “you could go to relationship counselling when he comes back to earth again. Every marriage goes through rough patches and it is not easy for you at the moment. But you have two beautiful children and it’s while worth giving your marriage another try”. 

“This latest separation has been stressful” Lorna replied. “He has never been away from us for this length of time before. I cannot believe that he is going to miss Bob Junior’s birthday”. 

For the first few months of her husband’s space trip, Lorna thought about how unhappy she was and how unfair her husband was. He kept in touch from space and he would tell her how much he missed her and the children. She felt she was falling into the rut that Alison had warned her about. However, because the children were always talking about their father and the space mission, she decided to pull herself together and be more positive. 

One night she filled her glass with wine and went into her back garden and looked up at the moon and read Li Po’s poem, ‘Drinking Alone Under the Moon’:

Among the blossoms waits a jug of wine

I pour myself a drink, no loved one near.

Raising my cup, I invite the bright moon

And turn to my shadow.

Lorna felt more connected to her husband after reading this poem and she decided when he returned they go to therapy and work on their issues.