Almost Perfect Insomnia

This story contains sensitive themes including mental health struggles and physical violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Darkness surrounds me. I can only hear the dripping water from the faucet. The room smells like mildew. But it’s okay. I'm safe here. I can’t sleep. Again. This is the second night without sleep, and I’m afraid sleep will take over when it shouldn’t.

I have to keep moving. It’s the only way I’ll stay safe. At least, I hope so. It’s so hot, and sweat drips from my forehead. I turn on my side. The bed is uncomfortable, but I don’t mind. I’m tired, and my legs are aching. It feels good to keep them raised like this. If only sleep would come. But it won’t.

People are monsters. I’ve seen it for myself. You think they’re good, and then they turn into their opposite. Even the ones you believe you know.

Jack was one of the kindest people I’d ever met. He wasn’t hard to fall in love with. It didn’t take long from the moment we met to the moment I realized he had gotten under my skin. Almost the perfect man. That’s what I used to say. Friends would ask, “Why almost?” Well, they say perfection doesn’t exist, I would reply. I didn’t know that the “almost” would soon swallow everything else.

I remember our wedding. It was a beautiful, fragrant day. That’s how I remember it, by the scent of hyacinths and the gentle breeze brushing my face. That’s how I looked in the photos, too. The ones I didn’t burn. Happy and smiling. And Jack beside me. Perfect. Almost.

He was overjoyed when I told him I was pregnant. And even more so when we found out we were having a girl. He had the whole room painted lilac and bought the cutest furniture I’d ever seen. The room looked like something out of a fairytale, and I felt like I was living in one. With the most caring man in the world.

But waking from that fairytale wasn’t sudden. It happened slowly. I can’t say when exactly it began. But it became clear when Bianca was born. My perfect baby girl. Her name was already chosen for her, and it suited her completely. We could’ve been happy.The three of us. But Jack began to change. Or maybe I was finally seeing who he truly was.

At first, he started going out more, always with some excuse. Meeting colleagues, old friends I didn’t know, running urgent errands. Then strange people began coming to dinner. Supposed business partners, who gave me chills just by being in the room. And then it got worse.

At first, I just watched and tried to trust him. But when I couldn’t anymore, I tried to get answers. And hit a wall. His words were lies, and his gaze turned cold. Where had the man gone, the one I loved, the one I trusted? I was desperate. I couldn’t sleep for nights, and when I did, I’d wake up crying. As if that wasn’t already enough.

I started noticing how he was slowly cutting me off from Bianca. He hired a nanny, saying I needed rest. I could only watch in despair as that woman slowly took over my daughter’s life. She wouldn’t let me spend a moment alone with Bianca. My pleas were met with silence, her eyes always cold and indifferent.

I lost friends. They didn’t believe me. They told me I should see a doctor. I couldn’t explain what was happening behind closed doors. To them, Jack was the perfect husband, and having a dedicated nanny should’ve been a blessing. They couldn’t be convinced, and eventually, I gave up trying.

Then I started falling into a strange numbness. I didn’t know what was happening to me. Some days I couldn’t even tell where the time had gone or what had occurred. I started to suspect Jack was drugging me. I guessed they were putting something in my tea. So I began secretly pouring it out, and slowly, my clarity returned.

Now I was cautious. I acted uninterested, like I was invisible. But I kept my eyes and ears open. And what I discovered confirmed I was right. And that I had to get Bianca out of there. Fast!

Two of Jack’s so-called business partners came over for dinner last night, and after I went to my room, they all went into Jack’s office to “talk some more.” I couldn’t sleep. I waited, I didn’t even know for what. At some point, I heard voices and cracked the door open. They were leaving. Jack was going with them. I slipped out of my room and crept down the hall. That’s when I saw it. Enough. There, on the table, was a paper. Their plan. About controlling the world. Because my husband isn’t just a regular man. No, no! He’s one of them! Those who operate from the shadows. The kind you’d never suspect. For others, you might. But not someone like him.

I went back to my room, shaking. My mind raced. I had no time to form a proper plan. I had to act. I grabbed a pair of scissors. It was all I could find at that moment, just in case. I followed the nanny, and when she stepped out of Bianca’s room for just a moment, I slipped inside.

Bianca was asleep in her crib like a little angel. I was just about to lift her when the nanny appeared behind me and called out. I turned and saw her eyes, cold, wild. I swung and stabbed her in the neck. The red that spilled made my head spin. I stumbled and fell. I heard voices. Footsteps. I remembered the baby monitor. They were coming for me. I had no time. I ran out of the room, leaving my baby behind. I rushed to the balcony, climbed down the fire escape, and vanished into the night.

I’ve been running ever since. I don’t know how far I’ve gotten. Somewhere along the way, I lost a shoe, and now one of my feet is bare and blistered. I found this abandoned house and decided to rest here and figure out what to do next. But wherever I go, I have to find a way to return for Bianca. She can’t stay there. I have to save her.

Branches snap outside. Maybe it’s nothing. I sit up in bed and listen closely. Do I hear footsteps, or is it just my mind? They found me... they must have. I frantically search for a place to hide. There’s a closet next to the bed, and I jump inside, pulling the doors shut. My heart pounds. I hold my breath. Dust tickles my nose. But I don’t move.

Suddenly, something crashes. Voices. Dogs barking. Hands wrench open the closet and grab me. I fight, scream, scratch. I don’t want to go! I can’t! Let me go... You don’t know who he is! Darkness closes in.

I wake up. I don’t know where I am. I’m lying somewhere. My legs feel heavy, arms useless. I try to understand. Footsteps. Whispering. Then I drift off again.

The second time I wake up, I’m barely conscious. Someone approaches. I see them through a haze. A person in white. They’re talking to me. I make out the words. He says he’s Dr. McKinsey. He’s saying something, but I can’t understand.

I don’t know how much time has passed. The doctor comes again. He asks if I know where I am. I shrug. A hospital, I guess, I answer. Psychiatric ward, Mrs. Lippe, you had an episode, he clarifies.

I try to swallow, but my mouth is dry. I look at the doctor. He asks if I know what happened. I shake my head. Not really, I say. I remember the nanny and panic, asking him about her. Ms. Douglas is injured, but she’s going to be fine, he says. The memories come rushing back. I ask about my daughter. I mention prison. And I cry… I cry.

The doctor tells me I’ll stay in the hospital until I’m better, and then I’ll go home. My husband didn’t report anything to the police. The nanny won’t press charges either. All I need to do is take my medication regularly and responsibly. I nod. I ask who found me if it wasn’t the police. The doctor smiles. Your husband hired people to look for you, he says. You’re lucky to have such a caring man, he adds, and leaves.

I close my eyes. I’m returning to my daughter, my husband, my big, beautiful home with a staff my friends envied. You never told us he’s a count, an actual count! They squealed when they found out about his background. You live in a fairytale, they whispered, eyes full of envy. And nothing else mattered to me. I was happy.

A few days pass, and I feel better. The meds are working. I’m a little slower, but I feel peace returning. I open the wardrobe. Inside is the outfit I wore when they brought me in. I’d asked Jack to bring me something fresh. And new shoes. I smile. I’ll go home soon and try to rebuild the world I destroyed.

I close the wardrobe door, and out of the corner of my eye, I see a piece of paper sticking out of the pants pocket. Something twists deep in my stomach. I grab the pants and pull out the paper. Horror floods my face. In my hands, I’m holding the blueprint of the terrifying plan that started all of this.

It wasn’t a delusion.

It’s real.