The Kiss

“Hey Auntie, why aren’t you married?” My niece asked during our family’s yearly Christmas celebration as she was playing with a toy barbie and ken she got for christmas.

“Sweetie, it’s not okay to ask someone that.” My brother-in-law said, surprised that such a thing would exit a sweet little child’s mouth.

“But mommy said that people who aren’t married by their thirties will grow up to be sad lonely cat ladies” My niece recalled her mother say.

“Well, your mother isn’t always right. I’m not lonely, and I don’t have a single cat. At least for now!” I chuckled, “ For as long as I have been alive I have never had a crush or fell in love. However, I have been kissed. 

It happened in Sophomore year of high school. Believe me, I was the nerdist kid in school. I wanted to be a marine biologist, and I had an under the sea themed room. I demanded my parents to paint my walls blue after I watched a shark documentary and thought they were so cool. Every weekend I went to the aquarium, and each time I would learn about one species and buy a stuffed animal of it, if I had saved enough money. When my family moved the summer of ninth grade to California, I got to pick out a glow-in-the-dark shark bed sheet, and a desk that I later sloppily painted a school of fish on. So, you can imagine I was bullied a bit for my knowledge of the sea. A lot of kids called me a pirate even though I didn’t care for gold or treasure. Sophomore year was supposed to be a fresh start for me. I hid my love of all things ocean for the privacy of my own room, and to my surprise, people started to like me.

 One person in particular liked me a lot. His name was Finn. Funny, right? Anyways, he was in all of my classes including marine biology. He was the first person I opened up to, and I didn’t hide my nerdy side. Finn’s dad was a marine biologist, and I thought it was fate. I finally had a friend that liked me for me, and I got to learn from his marine biologist dad. That was until October.

October is a very important month for high schoolers. No, it isn’t for Halloween, it’s for the Homecoming, also known as HOCO. I should have known that Finn was up to something, but I didn’t. Finn’s nervousness was at an all time high, and he kept stuttering over his words. 

Eventually, he asked me out, and I said yes. However, I didn’t know HOCO was supposed to be a romantic thing. I had only ever heard people my age going with friends. Finn must have taken my acceptance another way because well…

I wore a sparkly blue dress that night as an homage to the sea without going full shark pajamas on Finn. When I paraded out the door and outside my house, I saw a weirdly formal Finn. He smiled like an idiot, but I didn’t suspect a thing. We took a picture, and both of us were grinning. He drove, with his dad in the passenger seat because Finn only had a learners permit, to the HOCO dance. 

I heard the theme was “Under the Sea”, but I wasn’t expecting much. Let me tell you, the dance was amazing. On the ceiling, there were lantern jellyfish that were made out of slightly see-through blue, purple, and white fabric. On the floor, the same see-through fabric, in a green color, was molded into seaweed like shapes. On the dance floor shone the deep blue lights that made the dance kind of feel like the sun shining down an underwater cavern. It was magical. You could feel the effort put into this dance. I wasn’t the only person enjoying the dance. Other people were enjoying it too. They danced the night away. No one cared how people were dancing or who they were talking to, they just had a fun night, including me and Finn. Such a magical night that after the party, when we were in a small, secluded corner, he kissed me. And that ruined the night.

 The kiss wasn’t at all what the movies and songs had told me. It wasn’t magical. It felt like kissing a wall if a wall was sticky, dirty, and there was spit on it. It put a bad taste in my mouth. I didn’t want to lose Finn as a friend, but I certainly didn’t want a romantic relationship with him. That night I just ran. I ran all the way back to my house. I needed time to decide what to do. Should I accept this fate to not lose my friend? Should I try and reject him even though he wouldn’t be my friend?

The next day I had decided what to do. I rejected him in that very same corner he kissed me, and I told him I liked him better as a friend. He didn’t take it well. He spread rumors that I was a lesbian because, in his mind, that was the only possible explanation as to why I didn’t like him. He bullied me for my love of the underwater world, and every chance he got he told me I was a “stinky fish” who no one could ever love, not even my parents. It was heartbreaking that he would do this to me, but I’m glad he showed his true colors before I decided to sacrifice my happiness for friendship” I explained to my niece.

“But that doesn’t explain why you aren’t married!” My frustrated niece said.

“But it does,” I explained, “I discovered I was aromantic because of Finn. Aromantic meaning I experience little or, in my case, no romantic attraction towards anyone. The prefix a means not, and romantic just means romance” 

“So, you can still be a crazy cat lady, but not a lonely or sad one” My niece chimed in.

“I guess so,” I chuckled.