The Tale of the Rabbit-Eared Dragon

There was once a knight who didn’t particularly like being a knight.

In fact, he loathed it.

He loathed the heavy, cold armor that he wore, he despised the uncomfortable helmet that sat upon his head, he hated the lumpy cot he lay in at night in the knight’s barracks. And he couldn’t stand the tedious tasks that he carried through day after day. Lower the drawbridge. Put it back up again. Investigate the old woman’s suspicious garden patch. Set up the next festival or execution. The same dull routine.

But when one’s father was a knight, and one’s father’s thirteen brothers were all knights, and their sons knights also, and the father of these thirteen knights was also a knight, and his father, and his father, and his father… 

(Well, the sentence gets very long.)

Then one has no choice but to become a knight as well.

When our knight (the one that the story is about) turned to his aging father one day and saw he had put down his sword and shield, his old bones creaking, he knew that his fate had just been sealed. Indefinitely.

It is not a good feeling to have your fate sealed indefinitely. 

“Son,” said the knight’s father, “My dear, beloved son, I have put away my sword and shield, though I remain ever loyal to the king. For I am weak and old, but behold, here stands before me my strong, young son! Such a wonderful sight you are to your ailing father! My son, my only son, I have put down my sword and shield, but I place them into your capable hands! My son, it is time for you to become a knight, like your father before you, and his thirteen brothers-”

(We will not go into that again.)

Our knight’s father was a man of many dramatic words, but all that his son could do was stare on with complete and utter horror. His fate had been sealed.

Indefinitely.

It was a very momentous and terrible moment. As having your fate sealed indefinitely often is.

(I will stop speaking of it now.)

Our knight slept a fitful sleep that knight, for once envying his sisters, who had not fear the possibility of knighthood. Of course, they were all married off to men far older and uglier than them, but still. It seemed much kinder an end than being fit with metal apparel and swearing never-ending loyalty to the king and kingdom. 

Our knight sought an escape. When he realized that such a thing was not possible unless he wished to be disowned, he sought to be comforted. When he discovered that everyone wanted to celebrate his success and congratulate him on his upcoming knighthood, instead of comfort him, well…

He decided it was best to be properly miserable for as long as possible.

But even that couldn’t last, because along came his worst nightmare, and he was forced to settle into monotony.

Awaken.

Lower the drawbridge.

Stand like a statue outside the castle doors. 

Be miserable for a while longer.

Eat.

Execution.

Sleep.

Repeat.

Until…

Perhaps half a year after our knight became a knight, there was a great and terrible commotion in the kingdom. Distressed shouting in the streets, weapons being brought from seemingly peaceful homes, confused guards running about attempting to find out what it was all about. Without success, mostly.

Until, finally, the courier who had caused all the trouble in the first place came running into the castle. His face was twisted with terror at the news he bore. “My king!” He cried to the court. “My people! A dreadful beast that dwells somewhat northeast of the kingdom in a dark, terrible cavern has been discovered! It lurks at the corners of our small territory even as we speak!” The poor courier paused to catch his breath.

The King, vexed at having his territory being called small and his kingdom being stirred up into chaos, said “What is it, good sir? Spit it out already!”

“A dragon!” Cried the courier. The court gasped and clutched at their hearts. “A dragon! A monstrous creature! It has come to terrorize all you and your people, my good king!” The courier paused again, and swallowed a breath of air. The court waited in frightened anticipation for his next words. Finally, he spoke. “It must be slayed!”

There came another gasp. The king stood from his throne. He was aghast. “And who, exactly, do you intend to have slay this fearsome beast?”

The courier looked confused. “Well, your most valiant knight, of course. Who else would be capable of doing the job?”

So all the knights of the kingdom were summoned into the king’s presence. They shuffled their feet and tried to look knightly, though it is hard when you are being asked to perform an impossible task. The king rose once more from his throne and boomed “Who among you good men is brave enough to go to the dark, terrible cave somewhat northeast of the kingdom and perform the task of slaying the dragon?”

There was a suffocating silence. Not one man in the palace was brave enough, evidently. The king frowned. “No one?” He asked.

More silence.

“Well, I suppose we will have to make a selection, then.” The king sighed. His court gathered ‘round, and whispered advice into his waiting ears.

“Choose that one over there, the one with the long legs. He looks fast.”

“Choose that one over there, the one with the big sword. He looks strong.”

“Choose that one over there, the one with the red hair. He looks sharp.”

But only one voice rang out clearly and sensibly to the king. It said, “Choose that one, the nervous fellow in the very back. All the men in his family have been knights for as long as anyone can remember.”

The King turned to the courier, who still lingered. “Make yourself useful and fetch that young knight over there for me.” The messenger quickly complied, and soon our knight stood in front of the king. Dread was painted clearly on his face.

“Is it true,” said the king, “that you are loyal to me and this kingdom?”

“Yes,” said the knight, very slowly and carefully.

“Is it true,” continued the king, “that you are willing to serve this kingdom and do whatever may be necessary to protect it?”

The knight nodded, fear mounting in his throat so that he could not speak.

“And is it true,” said the king, “that every man in your family has been a knight for as long as anyone can remember?”

Oh, how our poor knight wished that it was not true! How he desperately wanted to correct the king, to say “Actually, my great-great uncle was a monk,” or “actually, my second cousin is a traveling merchant.” But instead, he had to nod again, confirming all of the king’s hopes.

This was the second time that our knight felt his fate being sealed indefinitely. It was still a terrible sensation.

The king raised his hands and faced the expectant crowd of knights. “We have found our hero!” He cried, and everyone cheered. 

Everyone except for our knight. He stood in shock and fright. He could not move. He could not feel anything but his pounding heart. He could not hear anything but the words in his head, small but sure.

I am going to slay a dragon.

Well…

Or more likely, I am going to be slayed by a dragon.

*******

The journey to the dark, terrible cave in which the dragon dwelled was far shorter than the knight had expected. Which was convenient, one might think. But when the knight realized that he had already arrived at his destination, he trembled and cursed everything in sight. It could not be mistaken for anything but what it was. Which was a dark, terrible cavern in which a dragon dwelled. Slowly, the knight approached it. It seemed as though a wall of pure darkness covered the entrance. Not even a speck of light broke through it from either side. The knight shivered, imagining all the horrors that lurked behind that black veil. 

Or, rather, one horror specifically.

He raised his heavy sword, which suddenly felt twice its normal weight. I shall be a hero today, he thought, and gallantly strode into the cave.

Really, it was more of a lurch forward. But a gallant lurch, nonetheless.

*******

Upon entering the cave, the knight saw a very small dragon. It did not at all match its surroundings, which were, all by themselves, mysterious and terrifying. It was about the size of a large steed, which, as far as dragons go, is very small indeed. Almost immediately, the knight’s fear began to dissipate. “Hmmm,” said the knight. “How odd.”

“What’s odd?” came a quiet, rumbling voice. It was the voice of the very small dragon. The knight was startled at hearing the dragon speak, as he had only ever heard tales of talking dragons. “Ah, well,” he said. “Sir - That is, sir dragon, - you seem to be rather, say, on the small side for a mighty, ferocious beast such as yourself.” The knight paused, lowering his heavy sword. His arm was beginning to ache from holding it. “Take no offense in what I say, sir dragon, but, in truth, you don’t seem all that mighty or ferocious.”

The dragon turned slowly. He had very big feet, with very big claws. His every step made a small thud. “Yes, well, you don’t seem to be much of a heroic knight, either.” The knight noticed that this dragon, though having very sharp teeth, was in fact quite comical to look upon. It just so happened to be that he had very large, rabbit-like ears that flopped about his face. The knight furrowed his eyebrows. “You have me there. I am not the most valiant knight in the king's castle, as it happens. I am just the one who, unfortunately, has a long line of male relatives who were valiant knights and was chosen by the king to come slay dreadful beast that dwells somewhat northeast of the kingdom in a dark, terrible cavern.” 

The dragon seemed to be amused by this idea. “Is that what I am believed to be? How interesting.” He huffed, and a large plume of smoke came out of his nostrils. “Then I suppose you must get on with your slaying of me.”

The knight pushed his plumed helmet out of his eyes. “I suppose I must, for the honor and glory of my kingdom and such.”

He leveled his sword at the miniscule, rabbit-eared dragon. And he stood there for a moment. Then he lowered it again. “Excuse me, I don’t mean to be rude, but aren’t you supposed to burn me with your fiery breath and then eat me? I do feel this is something of a two-person job here.”

“Hmm,” said the dragon. “I think you are right. Well, I must do that, mustn't I?”

The knight nodded, and raised his sword once more. A long moment passed. Neither beast nor man moved to attack. “You know,” said the knight suddenly, “I do believe my sword is in need of sharpening before we begin our battle. It is good to have a nice, sharp weapon for dragon slaying, you know.”

“Ah, of course,” replied the dragon. “And I really should go count my treasures, so that I might hoard them better after eating you,” he said, though he had no treasures to speak of.

So the knight went off to sharpen his already sharpened sword, and the dragon went off to count his jewels and gold, though he had none.

Once they had both finished their tasks, they came back to the entrance of the cave and stood, facing each other, looking very much as if they had been frozen in the position of about to begin a battle. 

Finally, the small dragon said “It seems we are in a bit of a predicament.”

“I can’t say I know what you mean,” said the knight, his arm growing very tired from holding up his sword. 

The dragon shook his head, his large ears flying around. “I have reason to believe that neither one of us cares to kill the other. I would prefer to not burn and eat you,” -he puffed a bit of flames out of his sharp-toothed maw- “And you would rather not slay me.”

The knight dropped his weapon with a sigh. “You are right. I care very little for the honor and glory of my kingdom, to tell you the truth.” He said. “And you seem a very polite, un-ferocious beast, so I would really rather not kill you.”

The dragon nodded sagely, and the knight thought that he looked like neither a ferocious beast nor a comical one, but rather, a very wise creature. “Then we must decide on what must be done in order for you to return to your king and country with victory and triumph and for me to continue on being alive.”

“Indeed,” said the knight, thinking he was definitely beginning to like this dragon.

The dragon thought for a moment. Then, apparently coming up with an idea, turned to his shimmering blue tail and plucked a round scale off his skin. “Here,” he said to the knight, holding it out. “Take this back as proof of you slaying me, and give it as a gift to your king.”

“Thank you!” Said the knight, astounded at the beast’s generous offer. “How could I ever repay you for your kindness?”

The dragon pondered this question. Then he said, “join me for a meal. I find myself to be lonely in my dark, terrible cavern. A bit of company would not be unwelcome now and then.”

The knight’s mouth furrowed in suspicion, recounting to himself all the tales of trickster creatures that fooled men into doing a simple thing for them, only to be led to their deaths. But then he felt the cool, smooth scale in the palm of his hand. Even in the dim atmosphere of the cavern, it glimmered and sparkled beautifully. It made the knight realize that no one had ever treated him with such respect and kindness. 

And also, if the dragon intended to kill him, he would have done it already.

“I would be honored to join you for a meal, sir dragon,” he said, then laughed good-naturedly. “As long as that meal is not me.”

The dragon laughed also. “Of course not, my good knight.”

*******

The knight and the dragon ate together and told each other of their lives. The knight confessed his deep hate for all things in relation to being a knight, and the dragon sympathized, saying that he also was not too fond of the habits of knights. Especially that of attempting to slay dragons. The dragon told the knight of his larger, fiercer family members and how they deeply disapproved of his ways. They laughed and became good friends, enjoying knowing that they were not the only ones who didn’t fit where they were supposed to.

When the knight departed, there was a look of sadness on his face. “Good-bye, sir Dragon. May life treat you well.”

“Good-bye, my friend. May life treat you well also.” Said the dragon, equally saddened.

The knight set off towards his kingdom. When he arrived, shouts of joy arose from all who saw him and the blue scale in his hand. Just as Sir Dragon had predicted, it was proof enough for everyone that the beast had been slayed. The knight was proclaimed a true hero, a knight in shining armor. He was adored by all, and was rapidly promoted to Head Knight of the kingdom, who reported directly to the king and directed all the other knights.

Which is when he quit.

No one stopped him. They said “He deserves his rest and peace after such an ordeal as killing a dragon.” No one suspected that his reason for early retirement was simply that he despised the job.

He went into the business of storytelling. He wrote stories and sold them in the square. The Tale of the Dreadful Beast that Dwelled somewhat Northeast of the Kingdom in a Dark, Terrible Cavern was his most popular tale, as it recounted his adventure of slaying the dragon. None of it was true, of course, but it turned out that our knight had a very good imagination.

He married and had many children, all of whom he told could do whatever they wanted with their lives, whether that be a knight like all of their relatives, a storyteller like their father was now, a husband, a wife, a bard, a merchant, a monk, anything. 

All of his sons became knights, though he in no way encouraged it. But that is sometimes the way it goes.

All of his daughters became storytellers, and told of the valiant feats of their brothers and father.

Eventually, The Tale of the Dreadful Beast that Dwelled somewhat Northeast of the Kingdom in a Dark, Terrible Cavern began to fade from everyone’s memories, and our knight became no more than a happy old man who told stories. Stories about all sorts of things, odd things.

And his favorite was, of course, The Tale of Rabbit-Eared Dragon.

Possibly because it was true.

Possibly because it was about his good friend.

Possibly because it was like nothing anyone had ever heard before in the kingdom.

And our knight had come to like the unexpected.