Send in the Clowns

  Send in the Clowns

Hello, my name is Graham. I am writing this down for future generations because the history books are going to be really warped and maybe even unbelievable.  

It all started with this virus that wouldn’t go away. The authorities tried everything and the concentrated effort was tremendous, but in the end failure was the inevitable result. So they took all the humans that were left — less than a ten thousand -— and they were put in isolation.

While this was going on, a dedicated, volunteer team went out and cleansed the town that everyone was going to live in. The chore took months to sanitize everything and in the end there wasn’t a germ to be found.

The survivors had been placed in isolation chambers and given anti-virus pill. They were put to sleep because it was the best way of dealing with the entire situation. Nobody knew how long the cleaning crew was going to take and if they would survive.

And then, everyone was awakened. Something had happened between the time they went into their private isolation chambers, given the pill and pulled out of their frozen state.

Everyone, I mean everyone looked like a….clown. The thing was nobody had the same coloured hair or makeup scheme, but everyone looked like a buffoon. Yet, nobody was scary like Pennywise or evil looking. The people — men, women, and children all looked like happy clowns.

When everyone awoke and was assembled there was panic at first. Obviously, something had gone horribly wrong. How could everybody look like a clown?

Once the shock was over at the obvious changes that had occurred much hilarity ensued.  

Entire families walked out of the clinical compound staring at each other. The houses had been readied and they were all directed toward their new abode. But, human curiosity dictated that everyone took a gander at their neighbours.  

Sure enough, everyone looked like a clown.

Almost everyone tried to wash off the makeup and do something with the hair, but the stuff wouldn’t dissolve and the doo was permanent. So therefore, everyone remained a clown.

The economy was restarted. People started to live their lives again. Businesses opened and school resumed. My first day of school was so darn funny that I nearly busted a gut.

First, the bus picked my sister and I up and we walked on the vehicle and my best buddy Derek pointed at me and shouted: “Hey, Graham, you clown.”

Well, everybody laughed and I pointed at him.

“Hey, Derek, you clown.”

Of course, the bus driver, Mr. Grant also looked like a clown. We arrived at school and the playground was full of clowns of all sizes. As soon as a new busload of kids arrived the others had to check things out.

It was one giant clown festival.  

We were called into the auditorium where Mrs. Marriott, the principal looked like the happiest clown ever.  

“Hello, everyone, welcome back. And, no, this is not clown college.”

Everybody laughed.

All of the teachers sitting on the bench looked like the happiest bunch of clowns ever assembled. So we all went to class with our home room teacher. My instructor was Mrs. Sullivan, a once very pretty lady with blonde hair and vivid eyes. She was so beautiful that I had wanted to secretly kiss her. Now those tender lips were painted a bright red and the desire wasn’t as strong.

The day flew by. We had a lot of catching up to do, but it was fun. There was much laughter and the teacher had a hard time settling everyone down. Sally, a secret crush of mine was hilarious looking. She had white paint on her face and blue eyes and orange and blue hair. Of course, I wasn’t going to tell her that she looked funny. 

“Sally, you look like an awesome clown.”

When they had taken the last members before isolating us, there were a few women pregnant. The strangest thing was when the first woman had her baby, it came out looking like clown. 

Doctor Higaris, the top medic in the World Health Organization, was at a lost for words.  

“I am truly sorry for the way things went down. I don’t understand why we came out all looking like clowns.”

You guessed it, he looked like a clown.

It could have been a disaster. But, I think there was a sense that it was great to be alive and a survivor. Everyone that had made it past the plague, had lost someone. For us, it was both sets of grandparents, my Aunt Judy and Uncle Ray, and my two cousins Holly and George.

So everyone put on a smile (we didn’t have much choice because it was painted on us permanently) and continued to rebuild the world. It was fun. Everyone had a positive attitude. For once, all the people in the world were on the same page. There was no differences in skin colour or ethnicity. We all looked like clowns and even though there wasn’t two that were alike, we all had something in common.

The world learned how to laugh again. People were civilized and friendly towards each other. There were a million clown jokes circulating around social media and in the schoolyard and at the water cooler.

Maybe the nasty virus had a positive spin to it after all.

We laughed at each other and at ourselves.  

Because everyone looked like a clown, they started to learn how to do balloon animals and juggle and do comedy bits.  

Everyone just had fun clowning around.

They learnt how to do other tricks.

The funniest thing was that crime was way down. After all, the deputized officers looked like clowns. How could you take them seriously? How could you take anyone seriously?

It would have gotten really monotonous but it was just too funny. Plus people started to mess around with their looks. They couldn’t take the makeup off, but they could add to it. They couldn’t cut the hair, but they could experiment with it.

Time marched on and everyone lived the life of a clown. The world was one mellow, funny place to live.

We had gone from one over-crowded, crime-ridden, poverty stricken, racist, diseased world to one that was happy, relaxed and absolutely hilarious.