Off the stage

Sierra remembered her shoulder bone popping out of socket when her mom dragged her on the ground of her living room. As she was sliding on the white tiles her stepfather used his belt and sliced through her already tattered skin.

WHIP……….

WHIP……….

WHIP…………

Blood wasted no time to ooze from her back. Dripping, dripping on the tiles beneath. These gruesome beatings were something she was used to, but she could never stop the animalist screams that forced through her lips. These screams shook her whole body, making her throat sore.

Sierra had mustered all the inner strength to say, “Mommy…. I- I promise that we weren’t having sex, Jason was only here to help with studying”. She looked through her lashes soaked in tears, directly in her mother’s eyes. Just for a split second, she thought she saw remorse or even a loving mother who baked cookies every other day, a mother who loves beyond reason and a mother who kissed her before bed every night. She could only hope that this split second could save her from the tournament she was suffering.

Sadly, it did not.

This moment was quickly robbed by her stepfather who kicked her into the glass center table which shattered into a million pieces. He then said, "Mandira we can never trust teens these days, all they want to do is get pregnant.”

As she laid sprawled out on the ground surrounded by glass shards, she waited for her mom’s aid.

She waited with ragged breaths for her mom to say,

“Baby I’m so sorry, you don’t deserve this”,

“Please forgive me for this pain” or even

“Darling I am extremely wrong for this, give me a second chance”.

For her to think this was laughable as her mom only said, “Clean this mess up now! I cannot believe I grew a daughter only for her to want to have sex under my roof as soon as I step outside…. homework yeah right!”. Her mom then lit an old cigarette and began to smoke. Her stepfather, David, stretched his tattooed arm over her body as he asked for a draw. After taking the draw they, both went outside. Sierra knew that they were both heading to the old bar downtown to get drunk.

She felt relieved that the beating had come to an end. But the sting of the whip was still present. She proceeded to pick up each glass piece, if not she was in for a next whooping. With bloody knees, she crawled and took up shattered glass, while placing them in what was left of her shirt. She did not have enough strength to stand and find the broom. This was her last resort.

It had to be done.  

The sharp glass caused the skin of her hands to break. She did not feel this pain as her body was extremely numb from the beating. After picking up the pieces she dragged her body to the kitchen bin and emptied her clothes.

She now needed to climb three flights of stairs to get to her bedroom. With the last amount of strength left she limped like a wounded dog to her room. This wicked night happened on June 1st; she knew she had to get out of that hell hole that she called home. By the time she reached her room, the blood that was oozing down her body had dried. Too tired to even clean herself, she laid down and fell into a deep slumber.

The next morning Sierra carefully took out the broken glass that was etched in her skin. As she was accustomed to beatings, she skillfully cleaned the wounds with alcohol. She gritted her teeth while the alcohol burned through her skin. It was now time for her to have a bath. As the cold water contacted her broken skin, she contorted her face in pain. She felt as if one thousand needles were pricking her inside out. She stayed still – too afraid of the sting. After a while, she scrubbed the dried blood from her body. She lathered her body in a lavender body wash. It was the favorite scent of her dead father. She believed that it was silly that just the scent made her want to cry.

 He had passed when she was sixteen years old from a car accident. Before his passing, her mother was lovely and kind. Sadly, everything changed. They had been married for thirty years so the emotional stress caused her to begin to drink and smoke down by the downtown bar. It was at that same bar that she picked up the garbage called David. As she sat in the tub she reminisced on the good old days with her true dad. She knew that the only person he would beat is the guy that broke his princess’s heart.

Her body racked with tears due to his passing. She could not tell the bathwater different from her tears. She remembered rushing into the hospital and watching the life slip from his body. Right before his ghost left, he mouthed, “Stay strong baby”.

He was gone…silence.

She wished him into existence so that he could take her from the pain. But the world was not built so. She cursed the heavens for taking his life.

“Why give me this life?”, she asked…No reply.

She had to take matters into her own hand. After all who else would. The first step to gaining this freedom is to live by herself. She only had money that her father left in her bank account. This would be able to pay some rent for three months tops, provided that she needed food. She did not care about where she would live for the other months. All she knew was that she had to get out of this house before she ended up dead.

Immediately after leaving the shower, she began searching for cheap apartments. She found one in a different state that was tacky. The bus that she would have to take to her new apartment in Arizona only came around once a day. This was because it was a three-hour ride. But she did not care. She wanted to get as far as possible from her mom and stepdad. She contacted the landlord and to her surprise, she got a confirmation for the rental in less than two hours. To say she was happy would be an understatement.

Sierra packed her suitcase with the little clothes she had. After packing she had to hide it under her bed so that no one would catch on to her escape. She needed to escape around mid-day when her parents are out at the bar.

“What if they catch me in the act?”

“What if the bus does not come on time?”

“What if I can’t afford to feed myself?”

These were some of the questions that Sierra asked herself. If she got caught in the act, she knew that she would be beaten and trapped inside her house forever. She tried to push these thoughts to the back of her mind, but they still caused goosebumps to line her body. Nevertheless, as soon as she heard them stumble drunkenly down the stairs to go for another round at the bar, she took her suitcase from under her bed. She waited thirty minutes after their car drove off to get out of the house and to the bus stop. She eagerly waited for the bus. Her eyes scanned the street to see if her mom’s car was going to drive by.

Tic-Tok……

Finally, the bus arrived. She wasted no time to hop in, her tension was now at ease.

Due to this new life, school must be put to a standstill. Sierra had no friends to contact other than the guy that she was studying with. But what would he care, he did not even check up on her after her parents ran him out of the house. As she watched the other vehicles outside driving, she began to laugh at her pathetic life. What a waste she thought. It was a new beginning and though physically tired she was determined to make the best of it.

Finally, she reached the apartment. As soon as she stepped off the bus, she saw her landlord. Ms. Leandra. She knew it was her based on the picture that was online, a fair old lady with baggy eyes and a few wrinkles around her face. She led Sierra to her room door and gave her the key, collected the money for the month, told her to have a good stay and left.

Upon opening the door, Sierra saw a lizard in the ceiling and a cockroach run from under the bed. She made a shrill scream, but she could not back down, after all she just paid her money. After cleaning up the apartment and ordering some pizza she began to browse the net for some jobs near her area. There were only a few which really dampened her spirit. One job struck out from the rest. This job was searching for talented dancers that could travel. But wait the application was closing in two days!

To be chosen for this job she needed to memorize the dance moves on the website, submit a video of her doing the moves, and most importantly do it in heels. She did not fancy herself as the best dancer ever, but it was worth a shot.

So, toiling through the night she went. Hips and butt moving in accordance. Spine bending and neck-breaking. At first, someone would have thought that she was a madwoman. But after hours of perfecting her moves, you would have taught that she was a trained dancer. The only thing that pushed her was the weak words of her father – stay strong baby. It was around 5:00 am the following morning when she submitted the video. With shaky hands she closed the screen of her laptop, hoping that this time around something would work in her favor. She would have to wait three more days for a confirmation email to see if she was accepted.

And so, she waited.

Ding, that was the notification to confirm or refuse her from the job. With crossed fingers, she logged onto her Gmail. The message read,

“We are happy to announce that you have been chosen to be a backup dance of world renown artist, Aaron Antique. His tour called “Light up the world” requires enthusiastic dancers like yourself who can manage strict deadlines. His tour begins in one month, as such you will meet every day (starting tomorrow) at the Dancing Cooperation located at 55 Crescent Duke Street to begin practicing dance routines. You must arrive at 10:00 a.m. each day and leave at 6:00 p.m. We will pay for all travel expenses for the duration of the tour. The tour will last for six months and during these six months, there will be four concerts a week. Whenever a concert is not scheduled you will be required to practice more routines with other colleagues. All the best on this new venture. “

After reading the email Sierra instantly began crying, these were not tearing of sadness. No, they were tears of joy. She was elated at this newfound opportunity and she was not going to waste it.

Every morning she woke up from 3:00 am to arrive at the Dancing Cooperation by 6. She practiced for hours. A sweaty body laid in her bed at the end of each day, she was already tired, and the tour had not even started.

Finally, the one month had passed and it was time for her tour. The first flight was to Jamaica, she was required to sleepover at the Dancing Cooperation with the other backup dancers. It was one in the morning when they all woke up and headed to the airport. Upon landing, she saw five tour buses. They were all going to live in these buses for the next six months. She was getting good money. So, she did not mind.

Off the airplane and into the tour van they went.

The flight had lasted three hours, and they had a concert in one hour. That meant that the only thing Sierra could do was put on her shimmering tight fitted dance costume and get her make up done. Doing this in a van was no easy feat.

By the time, all the dancers were ready, the tour van reached the venue of the concert.

Off the tour van onto the stage.

Screams of fans blared through her ears as she got into formation on the stage. Aaron became visible to the stage and finally, the music began. She wasted no time to begin.

SPLIT!

JUMP!

MOVE THE HIPS!

BE IN SYNC!

She had to memorize the choreography for over ten songs while maintaining the required facial expressions. By the fourth song, she could feel beads of sweat forming on her forehead. By the tenth song, her sweat came in waves. She was dehydrated …just a little water was all she needed. The worse part was that she had a next concert as soon as this one ended.

Off the stage, into the tour van

Off the tour van onto the stage

At this venue, fans tried to push past her to get to Aaron. She had to take the hits as she was being “professional”. After making it to the stage in one piece, she wasted no time to begin.

FLIP

MOONWALK ACROSS THE STAGE

DOUGIE

DO THE FLOSS TWICE

Her bones ached but she was doing this for a better life. “Aint nothing come easy”, something her dad always said.

By the fourth month, she had already gone to over fifty concerts and over fifteen countries. Due to being a dancer she had to maintain her weight by running five miles at least twice a week. Aaron was strict, he did not care if this had to be done before or after the show.

They were now in Belize, where they had a “free week” of no concerts. But as soon as Aaron informed them that they would be practicing a new routine, it felt as if a brick fell on her shoulders. This new routine required her to practice for over ten hours each day. The dancing instructor shouted at them to wake up each morning. The song that was being practiced was on a speaker every day of the said week. Finally, it was the day of the concert.

On the tour bus unto the stage

 The audience coupled with the speakers caused her ear to begin to bleed. But Sierra could not cry or even frown. She must keep character. After all, she signed up for this.

TWIRLING

NAE NAE

HIT THE QUAN

MOVE THE WAIST

By the time the show ended she felt as she was going to pass out

Off the stage into the tour bus’s bathroom

While in the bathroom she looked in the mirror. Her blue eyes lost the shine that was once held, her once plumped lips were now chapped due to dehydration, her snow-white skin was now pale and grey.

She could not recognize the girl in the mirror.

For the first time during the tour, she realized that she was growing financially, but depleting her true self. She thought to herself, “This is not the woman that my dad would want me to be if he was here

right now, he would say self-care first”

 He was her only true love.

No one besides him had shown her how to care of her herself. She then broke down when she realized that she had been neglecting the advice that the only person that ever loved her gave.

It was near Christmas and at that moment she truly knew that all she wanted was to be wrapped in the arms of her father while listening to Christmas songs and the cracking of the fire by the chimney. All she wanted was to cease the blaring music and just listen to her father’s sweet voice sing Christmas carols. Christmas was a holiday which her dad always loved and celebrating it when he was gone, was a way that she used to honor him.

She realized that she had been neglecting her body when all she wanted was peace and quiet while reminiscing on the good old days.

When she realized this, she went to Aaron. With bloodshed eyes and pale grey skin, she mustered up the courage to say, “I quit!”

She did not wait for a response as she had already packed her bags and booked a flight to Paris. It was always a dream of her dad to visit, but he did not get the chance. While on tour she had invested the money received into stocks and shares in various companies. This enabled her to be extremely wealthier than the other backup dancers. The best part is that her money continually increased. Due to this, she could pay for her flight and not worry about other expenses.

When she landed in Paris, she finally felt at peace. She booked a stay at the Victorian hotel where she could finally be in luxury. As soon as she stepped into her room she flopped onto the bed and stretched her limbs. She began to play Christmas carols and sing on top of her lungs. No one could stop her. After all, she had already given them her money. She began to reminisce on the good old days with her dad.  She remembered him twirling her in her favorite dress. She knew for a fact that he was in a better place.

Happiness…......

A feeling so rare to her body, she could not believe it was real.