Unspeakable Past

 I pick up the old photo of my family and ten year of me from the dusty old coffee table that we used to play board games on. I dust off some of the dust from the picture with my hands to see it clearly. In the picture, my mom and dad are standing on our front porch while my two brothers and I sit on the first stairs of the porch.  

I remember that day like it was yesterday, we just came back from the park, the wind was blowing our ball away as we chased it around the park. When we got home, dad decided we should take a picture and we saw our neighbor, Mrs. Charles taking out the trash, so we called he over to take the picture for us. We were all smiling widely because the wind was all tickling us and it was a fun day. 

I put the picture down wiping my tears with my now dirty hands from holding the dirty picture. I still can’t believe so much has changed in ten years. 

After we took the picture, we played some bored games as a family. Mom didn’t like to play because it got competitive and would often end up with me getting tackled down since I was the youngest among us. But it was always so much fun to play as a family. So, when we were playing that night, Dad got had a heart attack and was rushed to the hospital but when we got there, it was too late. The doctors said that his heart failed, and they were unable to save him. All I heard next was crying and sobbing and we were all in tears. 

 Mom stayed at his grave for a week just sobbing and crying, wishing he would comeback. She refused to eat for month after that. Our oldest brother Tyron, wishing he could trade his six feet for dads. While Kandis tried to be the strong one and get mom to eat. I just locked myself in a room and cried. 

A few months after, mom was unable to cope with the hardship of being a single mom of three kids, and no support so exactly six months after dad's death, she passed away too. Leaving us to fend for ourselves. 

Kandis and I were left in Tyron’s custody since he had just turned eighteen but that didn’t last too long until he couldn’t do it anymore either. He came stumbling in the house late at night, drunk from the bar. We would often get yelled at and spat on by him. Kandis was only in eighth grade, suffering from bullying and depression but of course, Tyron couldn’t see anything that was going on in front of him.  

I never showed my emotion or what was going on in my home at school and I'm sure that’s why I don’t get bullied at school, or it could be because I'm only in the sixth grade and kids can’t bully me because teachers are always around. 

By the time Kandis was in ninth grade, I could see it in his eyes he couldn’t take it anymore. And Tyron’s drinking only got worse. He only came home four times a week in the middle of the night to get some rest so he could go back to the club and the bar with a little more energy. And kids in schools started bullying me as well. I still wondered every night why the government still allowed us to stay with Tryon. 

I came home from school one day to see Kandis laying inside the bathtub in the bathroom, blood everywhere. I stood there in sock; I couldn’t move. I couldn’t believe my eyes. He lied their breathless. I stumbled out of the bathroom, my vision getting blurry. I rushed to the room and grab my bag and start shoving things inside it. I ran out the house after getting all my stuff, not bothering to go back to see Kandis. I didn’t know where I was going, I just had to leave. And Tyron would come home eventually to see his brother dead and the other one gone. 

I went to the nearest gas station that night to sleep. I didn’t know what else to do, I was only in seventh grade and I didn’t know what to think. One thing for sure was that there was nothing left for me to lose. I cried myself to sleep that night to stop thinking about everything and I didn’t go to school again. Every time someone would pull up to get gas, I would go and beg them for money.  

By the time I was fourteen, I was begging a pregnant lady then she offered me to come home with her. I took her offer because I have been living at this gas station for about two years and I'm still surprised that Tyron didn’t come looking for me after a year of my disappearance. He showed that he didn’t care but at least I thought he would care to look after Kandis’s death. The pregnant lady, Mrs. Homes took me home with her that afternoon and I met her husband, Mr. Homes. They were really kind to me and took me in like one off their own. A few days past, they let me stay with them, and they decided that they wanted to adopt me.  

A few months later, everything was finalized, and I had a home and a new family. And Mrs. Homes soon gave birth to a baby girl, Gigi. They put me back and school and got me a car for my sixteenth birthday but was useless since I didn’t know how to drive, but I started taking lessons and very soon, I was driving.  

Mr. Homes was a successful businessman and Mrs. Homes was a part-time nurse. Mr. Homes gave me a job at his 5-star hotel which I gladly took to support myself as well. They have been there for me every step of the way and I love that I found them. 

I sob at the horrible memories coming back and resurfacing. My hands are shake, and my vision is blur. I feel someone touch my face and I open my eyes slightly to see Gigi smiling at me. Mr. Homes rubs me on the back while Mrs. Homes passes me some tissue. I look up at them, pulling Gigi into a tight hug, giving them a reassuring smile that I'm okay. 

Part of me still wonders where Tyron is, is he okay, what happened with Kandis’s body? But I hate to think of it all. And I hate to talk about it even more. Coming back here after all these years, everything is still the same, just like I left it.