Believe in You...

"So what will you be doing for Christmas ?" The words 'rang with a clang' through my ears... why does anybody have to be doing anything for Christmas? My Christmases past were 'full'. My kids later told me they would run from me as the holidays neared because I was obsessed ! I thought 'really? I was?' I know I was on auto pilot with gifts to buy, the 12 foot tree to decorate and I did not need or want any help...it had to be perfect! No one, although I tried to pretend, could even put an ornament on the tree without my approval (or later removal). I cooked, had plenty of guests, the holiday music was on...I even had Christmas mobiles whirring overhead !!!

That was then and this is now... years later. My life had taken a drastic turn, really drastic ! I was devastated about the divorce I never saw coming, my kids now grown were all over the states and I, myself was alone. But I told myself that was a good thing, they were productive human beings with their own lives but still I was alone. I waited and waited for phone calls and visits and was always disappointed. So I did the only thing anyone would do...I sold everything I owned and moved from NJ to Italy. I mean that's not crazy, right? I had family in this little medieval town where my mom was from in southern Italy and just did it! Did I speak the language? Well, I thought I did, until I arrived here. 1 year later still studying my Italian...I will be fluent, eventually.

Christmas here is quite different. There's a Christmas market at the all important 'Giuseppe Maria Gallanti Palazzo'. 'Locals' sell their wares... honey from their own bees, home made Amaro, yummy Pannetone and beautiful handmade ornaments. I remember paying $ 20 for an ornament now I paid E 2, and 'the craft' along with the belief in Christmas shone through every one of them. There was a fire burning in an old cast iron stove in the middle of the market and Porchetta panini was being sold. Italian and American Christmas music played and the place was humming with the spirit

of Christmas. I myself had a stand that they labeled 'Laurinda's American Christmas' and sold traditional American sugar cookies (which I intricately decorated), hot cocoa and hot apple cider...it was graciously received and enjoyed by all.

At 10 pm we gathered to witness an enchanting concert in the upstairs music room of the palace with only an audience of 50. The handsome Pianoforte and the 2 stunning mezzo-sopranos were dressed in tux and gowns respectfully... this was a 'Lincoln Center level' concert for only E 10 per ticket!

Since my other life was gone, I thought I would never be able to enjoy Christmas the same again and I was right about the 'never the same again' part. I thought I would dread no 'over the top' tree, no elaborate 'store bought' gifts and how could Christmas be Christmas without those Christmas mobiles!?!

I was not in my elegant home, I was not cooking for 20, there were no leftovers the next day and although I was with many people my family was not there. Was it sad? I guess if I stopped and pondered about it, it was...but why 'sadly ponder' instead of 'fondly recall'. 'That was then and this is now'. I am now in a different life. We do not realize it but we live many different lives, we have to because we are constantly growing, in and within our own selves. We are born, we are toddlers, we are young then we are adolescents. We then grow into adulthood, some of us become parents, we keep growing into our new next lives, some voluntarily and some not.

To be able to navigate this life I believe you must sometimes let go of the wheel. Let life take you a little bit. Have you ever rode a bike and shut your eyes for just a second? The danger, fear and exhilarating excitement is a thrill, even if just for a second you feel it ! So for a 'life's second' close your eyes and let life take control. Trust, believe, know it will be ok if life is different. It's actually more natural than things staying the same. Don't always be steering; you will then only go to where you know. You will 'drive' yourself to times and places that may be familiar and comfortable but at the same time, places may no longer serve you...they may stagnate you, they may even harm you. Life is movement, so when needed we need to 'move along' in a flexible, curious way, without fear and sometimes without hesitation. Yes, I realize this is easier said than done but what is the other choice ? Wallow? Regret? Be depressed, lonely and upset? Those choices will absolutely drain you of life, your current life, the life that's left to live, the life that has so many surprises in store for you! Make yourself be open, be happy, be grateful. When you look back it is easy to remember only the good but if that life was meant for you, for us and if it was serving us as we needed to be served, in this one beautiful life we have, we would probably still be living it.

When life throws us a curve ball why be sad, regret and wallow in a past that no longer exists? Everything is perspective...everything!

A whole other life is waiting for you, if you'll allow it. This new, different, scary, potentially wonderful life is there for you with 'open arms' ready to embrace you, teach you and with excitement carry you home...to you.

You are never alone if you celebrate you...do you, be you, love you !

You are never alone when you are your own best friend, always and forever, believe in you !