An Ordinary Afternoon

You don’t mind me carrying on with my cookies, do you? They are for a fundraiser tomorrow at the cat shelter. Have a seat over there; I’ll make you a cup of tea. White, no sugar? Of course I remember. What a nice surprise, turning up here out of the blue. Where is your better half? Oh, she is visiting a school again? Right, that’s why you came here. The kids are going to be so excited! And your girls are fine as well? That’s good to hear.

Tiger, get off him, your hair will be all over him. Just chuck him off. Are you sure? This one molts like crazy, and you are a dog person after all. Well, I’ve got plenty of lint rollers, you can clean yourself up afterwards.

So how is it going across the pond? No, you’re right, I won’t get you started, I’m hearing it on the news every day, and what’s going on over here isn’t much better.

Have a cookie. Oh come on, one isn’t going to get you out of shape. Look, there is a small one, have that one at least. There isn’t much sugar in them; I’m always looking out for recipes with less sugar.

I’m great actually, thanks. I am working on a translation of Andrew Lloyd Webbers new musical, I love that kind of work, and the German guys seem pleased with it so far. It’s great.

For me? Oh you shouldn’t have, or rather, Michelle shouldn’t have, obviously it’s from her. Oh wow, that looks so fancy. I bet it smells gorgeous. Tell her many thanks, it’s lovely, but there is no need, really, but thank you so much. Oh, I think the next batch of cookies is ready, let me just take them out of the oven. There you go. And the last tray to go in. Thank God, I’ve had enough now.

When you came in, did you notice the woman three doors down still pruning her roses? Oh don’t ask. Abigail Fowler. Whenever she complains about somebody in the road for making too much noise or not cutting their grass or something like that, she never fails to hint at their nationality or ethnicity, should they not be born and bred English, south east English preferably. Anything north of Oxford is second class. I wonder what she says about me behind my back. I bet she wouldn’t mind YOU in the neighbourhood though. Good you came incognito or she’d be all over us like a rash now.

Anyway, the other day I couldn’t take it any longer. She said that the “so called Polish people” hadn’t washed their car in a while, and Joe didn’t feed his fuchsias properly since their leaves developed yellow spots, which is due to a lack in nutrients apparently. Joe is actually Pardeep, but some eggheads in the road call him Joe, because they don’t have enough brain cells between them to remember a two syllable long name from a different culture. “His name is Pardeep”, I said to her with a forced smile. “He doesn’t mind”, she said, “and Joe is easier.” “Right”, I said, “then I shall call you Birgit from now on, because I find that easier. And by the way, you are aware that I am a so called German woman aren’t you?” She is not talking to me these days, which I’m absolutely fine with.

Oh, that must be my dad; he is here for a visit.

Over here, dad, in the kitchen. Hi, dad, come in! Surprise!

Barack, this is my father, Reinhard. Dad, this is Mr. Obama. I know, I didn’t think either that you are ever going to actually meet in person – what are the odds? But here we are! Barack so happened to be nearby and decided to pay a surprise visit. I’ll make you a coffee as well, dad. And do me a favour and have that broken cookie.

Have you seen Abigail? Seriously, why is she yoo-hooing you when she doesn’t even speak to me?

Anyway, dad plays the violin, and he is a fan of jazz music as well.

(…..)

Oh you have to go now. I see. No. that’s fine, I appreciate you taking the time to come at all. It was a pleasure having you, thanks for dropping in. Well, who knows what fate has in store, maybe you two will meet again as well.

There is the lint roller, my goodness, look at the state of your shirt, that stupid cat.

What’s that supposed to be for, if you are trying to insult me, well done. Oh, for the shelter? But it’s so much. Well, thanks a lot, that’s really generous. It will all go towards the new wing. That was an expensive cookie, I don’t think it was that good.

Right, have a good journey, Barack, thanks again, and my regards to Michelle and the girls, and who knows, I might see you all at Andrew’s premiere? Great! Bye, take care.

Right dad, are you hungry? Dinner is still another two hours roughly, would you like a sandwich until then? Sure?

Who is that now on the phone, can’t I get a minute peace and quiet? Oh, it’s my GP actually, I wonder what she wants.

Hi, Dr. Gupta, how are you? I’m good, thanks. Yes, I’m going to the fundraiser tomorrow. Oh, that would be brilliant; I don’t think we have any samosas yet. Sure, no problem at all, if you can drop them off any time before ten I can take them with me. Smashing. Thanks Dr. Gupta. Bye.

Yes, I suppose I am quite popular, dad, ha ha. You wouldn’t have thought that all these people would be interested in me, would you?

Jeez, and now the doorbell for real.

Even you are not very interested in me, so how could they be.

Oh, hi, Abigail.

I’m good, thanks, and you?               

No, I’m on my own, just making a few cookies to pass the time.

No, I haven’t seen Joe the last couple of days.

Uh-huh.

Right.

No.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Really.

No, they shouldn’t put their bins out so early.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Ok.

Ok, I have to go as well. I have another Amazon listing to translate.

Right. Bye.