Seeds of Connection

Winter in Boston is a phenomenon unlike any other. The cold starts in November; gradually at first, then accelerating all at once, letting everyone know of what is to come. Halfway through the month, the sun starts to set earlier, and before you know it, you’re heading back from a long day of work under a thick coat of darkness, despite it only being 5 PM. It rains every now and then, and the temperature increases ever so slightly on these days, but what good is trading biting cold for sogginess and muck, right? After the rain, it goes right back to the frigid temperatures of winter. In late December, the final piece rears its head, and with it, winter has arrived: the snow continues to show itself throughout the city throughout the months of January, sometimes extending into February, and it tended to make everyone’s life at least a little uncomfortable. Homeowners must shovel snow off their driveway, walking anywhere becomes an arduous chore, and people are shut inside, tucked away from the outside world.

John didn’t mind the bad side of winter too much. He worked from home on most days, so he didn’t need to venture out, and while his apartment’s centralized heating wasn’t anything to write home about, it kept him warm enough. Allston was a tricky place – it was mostly populated by students due to its proximity to Boston University, so as you’d expect, the area is nearly always dirty. But the rent is cheap, and there was always something happening there, so John didn’t mind it too much. While he certainly didn’t go out as much as he used to, it was nice to know that he was never too far away from entertaining things to do.

Wintertime did pose one major problem for John, though – it meant that he had to pay more attention to his window garden. Over the years, he had accumulated a very impressive set of plants, and caring for them when November rolled around was always a difficult task. He always made sure to keep spare sources of artificial light around for the winter, but he happened to forget this year, and the last lamp that he bought died on him the previous day, leaving John with the predicament of finding a new one quickly, lest his plants begin to suffer…which is why he was awake at 7 AM, browsing Amazon. His company was operating remotely for today, so this was effectively a day off. As loath as he was to rise this early on such a day, it was already hard to manage his plants during the coldest time of the year. He had no desire for his first major screw up of the year to occur in its very first month, lest his hair turn even more gray.

Eventually, he decided on a couple of choices and placed his order – he figured that if he didn’t like them, he would just return them. Sure, it would be a hassle in the cold, but it was better than keeping something that he was never going to use in his closet.

‘You know, if you just gave Will a call, I’m sure he’d be more than happy to take some stuff in there off your hands.’

The thought sprang unbidden to his mind, and he immediately shook his head. ‘Will doesn’t care. He made that very clear when he stopped trying to call me. Ever since Loraine died….’

‘What about Haley? I suppose she doesn’t care either?’

John froze. His wife’s passing came at a difficult time; it drove him and his children apart. Fragments of the last day he spoke to them started to flash through his head – it was the day of Loraine’s funeral. After everything was said and done, both Will and Haley blamed him for not being around more in Loraine’s last days. This led to an intense argument with loud shouting, fingers being pointed at each other, and harsh words being said – it eventually ended with Will walking out on him. Haley stayed for only a moment longer before joining her brother and walking out the door – and along with it, out of John’s life. It had been six months since they last spoke, and John had no desire to call them, still convinced that they were in the wrong.

‘If either of them wants to call and apologize, they’re welcome to do so. It’s not my fault.’

He was interrupted from his musings by the sound of his phone. Glancing at the caller ID, he was surprised to see who it was. “Hello?”

“John! It’s good to see that you’re still around!”

John cracked a smile as he grinned at hearing his old friend’s voice. “Come on Max – we both know that I have to stick around for a few more years at least. After all, after I’m gone, who’s going to keep buying your plants?”

Max laughed heartily. “I see that the winter hasn’t dulled your sense of humor – that’s good; apparently its going to get a little worse in the coming weeks. That upbeat attitude will work wonders, I’m sure.” John shrugged, his mood dampening ever so slightly as he thought of Will and Haley, and how they were faring with the cold. However, he quickly shut that thought out of his head, his jaw hardening in resolution. ‘If they want to talk to me, they must reach out. I tried.’ He took a deep breath and said, “So Max, what’s been going on with you? How’s the store doing nowadays?”

“Eh, its been tough for a bit, as you’d expect – not too many people lining up to buy plants in the winter, right? But you get a few people every now and then, can’t expect much more. Anyway-”; John detected a subtle change in Max’s tone – it meant that this wasn’t a casual catch up call…there was more.

“I called because I have some news that might interest you.” From the tone of his voice, John could almost imagine Max grinning from ear to ear, wildly excited about whatever it was that he was about to tell John. John leaned forward in his chair, intrigued. “All right then – shoot.”

-

John rushed to the bathroom to wash up, excitement slowly building in his chest. It wasn’t every day that he got to add a bat flower plant to his collection, and he was eternally grateful to Max for calling him about it as fast as he did. Realistically, he knew that he could wait until tomorrow to get it – there was no reason for him to run all the way downtown to pick it up right this moment, but he figured that since he was already up, it wouldn’t hurt. He quickly changed into something nicer and headed for the door. However, he suddenly stopped, and after a moment of consideration, he decided to throw caution to the wind, and headed back inside and grabbed a book. While the journey downtown wouldn’t take terribly long, the subway was infamous for delays due to old machinery, so he knew he could be in for a long ride.

The subway stop was only a short walk away, so it didn’t take long for him to reach it. It seemed the universe was on his side because the train arrived mere moments after he got to the platform, and there was an empty seat near a window to boot. The crowd wasn’t too bad, considering it was still early in the morning, but he did notice that there were far more teenagers and young adults getting on the train. ‘Universities would have probably opened up for a new semester.’, he reasoned. He shrugged and opened his book, determined to get some use out of bringing it along However, he had barely opened it up and read the first few words when someone came and stood right in front of him. He immediately looked up when the girl in front of him started talking on her phone. She was clearly nervous about something, clutching the strap of her backpack tightly as she continued to assure her mother that she would be on time for class.

“Hi Mom, I- yes, I just got on the train. No, I won’t be late, class doesn’t start for another forty minutes, I’ll be there with plenty of time to spare, don’t worry about that….” John knew that this was not his business, but he couldn’t help but continue to listen to her as she continued speaking.

“Of course I’m a little nervous, Mom! It’s the first day of the new semester. I still don’t really know anyone, and I’m not sure how hard my classes will be, and don’t even get me started on….” She trailed on, listing a bunch of worries she had, and John smiled softly to himself. Hearing the girl go on about how she might not make any friends and how worried she was about her classes reminded him of similar conversations he and Loraine had with their own daughter when she was in college. He remembered how he assured her that she would fit in just fine, and that before she knew it, she would be surrounded by friends that would help her with whatever college threw her way. Judging at the exaggerated sighs of the girl, he figured that her mother was saying something very similar, and he shook his head, a sad smile etched on his lips. He turned back to his book and continued to read.

However, this was not to be the last interruption John would experience over the course of his journey. The ride from his stop to Government Center was a long one, and he saw so many different people that after a point, he put his book down and simply looked at his surroundings in fascination, constantly wondering what he would see next. He saw an Asian man struggling to read something on his phone. John presumed that he wasn’t too familiar with the English language, and he watched in fascination as he squinted at the screen, tracing words on the screen with his finger slowly. Sometime later, he watched a couple with a baby talk animatedly, about what, John didn’t know, but he saw the baby coo and strain against his stroller belt, trying to get out. John smiled as one of the parents noticed and gently told him that he couldn’t get out on the train, before saying something to his partner and smiling. He saw a couple more students, perhaps going from one class to another, and as he got closer to the downtown area of Boston, he started to see more people dressed in suits, most of them looking very reluctant to head to wherever they were going. John could relate to the feeling, thinking back to how hard it was to commute to the city while having to leave Will and Haley with-

John sighed, shaking his head forcefully. There he was, thinking about those two again. Why couldn’t they just leave him alone? Determined to not think about his children again, he put his head down and started to read the book he brought, trying to drown out the sounds of the children on the train that reminded him so much of his own.

                                                       -

The rest of the afternoon was uneventful for John; he walked into Max’s shop and picked up the plant, and caught up with his old friend for a bit before deciding to get lunch at a local pub. After a delightful meal, he got on the first train back, and sat down with his book again. This time, he actually managed to read a fair bit of it and contemplated simply ordering dinner so that he could focus more on it throughout the night. However, as he was thinking of which restaurant to order from, he was once again interrupted as an old man got onto the train.

He was clearly intoxicated, and he stumbled to an empty seat and managed to plop himself on it, mumbling the entire time. John glanced at him for a moment before returning to his book, but would look up every now and then, curious to see what he would do. Anytime someone passed the seat he was sprawled out on, the drunk man would mumble intelligibly at them, and he would shake his head. John briefly glanced around the train and saw people looking at the man with a look of sadness and pity. John thought back to everything he had seen on the train on the way downtown – the university students, the couples with their kids, the people in suits, and he suddenly felt a great sense of pity for the man in front of him. Who knew what his life was like, how much he had to have suffered for him to be like this, how many people were still in his life that cared about him?

‘He probably doesn’t have anyone to help him out…no sense of human connection, .no friends, no…family….’

Yet again, his mind flashed back to Will and Haley. He felt a tightening in his gut, thinking of what they would do if he were to be gone. Would they rejoice, knowing that the person they quarreled so ferociously with was no longer with them? Would they be devastated that their father was no longer in their lives? John looked at the man who was staring blankly out the window and felt a chill run through his body, thinking of how alone he was and how, even though his family was alive, he might as well have treated them as dead to him all this time. For a brief, terrifying moment, he saw himself in the old man – stuck muttering nonsensical words to everyone around him, with no one there to save him from himself.

The rest of the evening was very low key – he set up his new plant, ordered a pizza for dinner, and before he knew it, it was time for bed. Deciding that he needed some fresh air right before hitting the hay, he headed out to his balcony that was at the back of his apartment. There wasn’t a lot of space; just barely enough for him to stand and maybe sit, but he was content – he came out here at least once a day for some fresh air, and to watch the sunset, if he had the time. He took a deep breath, enjoying the crisp cold air. He heard movement next to him, and he turned to see his neighbor, Henry, who was lighting a cigarette. Henry noticed him as well and waved at him, a small smile gracing his lips. John walked closer and said,

“Fancy seeing you here, Henry. How are you?”

Henry took a puff and said, “I’m good…just relaxing for a bit before bed – would you like one?” He offered John a cigarette, but he politely declined. Henry asked, “How was your day?” John thought for a moment – the people on the train swam around in his thoughts, as did the constant reminders of his children. He finally said in a cautious voice, “My day was…eventful. How about you?”

Henry chuckled. “Hectic. I had to clean up my entire apartment and buy groceries, do all my chores; typical Sunday stuff. I’m starting a new job tomorrow, so had to make sure everything was in order, y’know?” John nodded and said, “Congrats on that – is it one you’ll enjoy?” Henry sighed, the cigarette resting in his hand. He paused for a moment before saying slowly,

“I don’t know…I mean, I like it well enough, but it’s definitely not my first choice. But it’ll pay the bills for now; when I have enough to fall back on, I can do something I really care about. I want to travel the world, maybe fall in love…there’s so much out there, right?” Henry looked to the horizon, a smile on his face, and John looked down, thinking back to the people he’d seen from all walks of life. He said, “Yeah…there is.” A brief bout of silence followed, as Henry took another puff. John suddenly said,

“You can make it. It might be tough, but the end of the tunnel is worth it.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he wondered if he himself believed them.

Henry looked at John with gratitude. “Thank you for that. It means a lot, coming from someone who’s been around as long as you. Usually everyone I talk to tells me to expect the worst and that life will be hard and unforgiving and relentless, but…it’s nice to get reassurance that everything will turn out okay in the end.” John found himself unable to say anything; he just nodded tightly and headed back inside, bidding Henry a good night.

John changed into more comfortable clothes and glanced at the phone on his nightstand. His mind jumped to his children one more time, and he felt tears well up in his eyes. He remembered a line from a TV show he saw – it was a show that Haley loved, and the entire episode was sans dialogue, save for one line:

“In this terrifying world, all we have are the connections we make.”

He picked up the phone, took a deep breath, and dialed Haley’s number. Bringing the phone to his ear, he waited. The phone went on ringing for what seemed like an eternity. He swallowed thickly wondering what he was going to say, and if she even wanted to talk to him after everything. Just as he was about to lose hope, and his hand started to come down, he heard a click, and after a pause, a tentative voice said, “Hello?”

John smiled, and took a deep breath.

“Hi, sweetie. How are you?”