My Wish

You take a look around and realize what a beautiful day it is. There’s some clouds so it isn’t too hot or sunny. It’s the perfect day for a swim out at the lake or just a hike through the woods. May just have to do that, you think. As you walk down toward the mailbox, you’re thinking about who you could invite and what kind of food you’re planning on bringing. You have a good list in your head going in the short time before you get there. 

You open the mailbox and realize that it’s been a few days since you’d checked it since it was close to overflowing. You start flipping through the envelopes and junk mail as you walk back toward the front porch. As you step onto the porch, an envelope catches your attention. Looking at the return address, you see that it’s from a lawyers office in the neighboring state. Your hands start to shake slightly as you sit down on the porch swing. Carefully, you open the flap of the envelope.  

Reading the first line of the letter, you squeeze your eyes shut and focus on your breathing. In. Out. In. Out. This would have to come the one day that you weren’t expecting it...when you were preoccupied by something else. Opening your eyes, you start reading the letter again from the beginning.  

‘Dear Beatrice Hamilton,

It is with our deepest sympathy and regret to inform you of the passing of your father, Daniel Hamilton. If you could contact our office at your convenience, we can give you more information regarding his passing and his will.

Sincerely,

The Law Firm of...’

Your eyes cloud over and the letter falls to the ground. Shock sets in as you realize he’s gone. He’s actually gone. No chance of reconciliation. No chance of finding out why he abandoned you and your mom. Tears you didn’t know you were crying drop onto your hand. Why are you crying? You didn’t even know him. After thinking a moment, you realize you are in mourning. You’re shedding tears for the could’ve beens. The joyous reunion that now will never happen when he would ask for your forgiveness and you could finally have a relationship with him like you have always wished for and envied from others. On autopilot, you pick up the letter and head inside, plans for this evening completely forgotten. No longer hungry, you head to bed and allow yourself this one night to grieve.  

As you hang up the phone, you sigh deeply and frown. Thankful that you were scheduled off the next few days, you pack a bag and drag your feet to the car. Your appointment at the lawyer’s office is this afternoon. You’re tempted to just stay home and let it all just fall into an abyss. You don’t need an inheritance, but you would like some answers. They had given you a few, but not enough for closure. Starting the car, you just want to get this over with. Thankfully, the drive only takes a few hours. Feeling numb, you keep yourself to the promise of no more tears over him.  

Parking was a pain at the lawyer’s office, but you make it barely in time. His receptionist ushers you right in, surprisingly. He motions toward the empty seat across from him and next to a filled seat. A man dressed in jeans and nice shirt glanced at you with a slight sympathetic smile. As you sit, you both turn your attention to the lawyer behind the desk as he cleared his throat.  

“I’m so sorry for the loss of Daniel,” he told them. “He’d become a friend over the last ten years and I just want to let you know I’m here if you ever need anyone to talk to. Now, let’s begin. He didn’t own a lot, but everything is to be divided equally between the two of you. Here are letters for each of you. He wanted you to read them and then let the other read them.” At that, he gave you and the man next to you both letters. Hoping to yourself that it isn’t laced with poison, you open it.

‘My dear Beatrice,

You don’t know how sorry I am for everything. I haven’t ever stopped loving you. I picked up the phone so many times, but chickened out and hung up before the call would go through. You have every right to hate me, but I hope for your sake that you can eventually forgive me even if it’s so that you can heal. I know I don’t deserve it. The man next you is Reese. He is your half brother. Please don’t hold it against him that he’s my son. His Mom passed away a long time ago and he may have some answers that you may need. I’ve left another letter for you to find at the ranch that will answer the rest of your questions you have.  

Your father.” 

“What’s the meaning of all this?” you ask. Reese, without saying a word, exchanges letters with you.  

“My dear Reese,

You’ve been my rock and my redemption. The woman beside you is Beatrice, your half sister. I hope that you will help her find the answers that she seeks and help her in any way that you can. I know you don’t know her, but you both have so much in common that it’s uncanny. Please be there for her like I couldn’t. I love you, Dad.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” Reese sighed as he finished your letter looking you in the eyes this time. That’s when you see it. His eyes are the exact same as yours. You feel an instant connection, but then start to wonder how much he takes after his dad...your father. After you nod at him, you face the lawyer.  

“Is that all?” you ask. “What if I don’t want anything of his?”

“His instructions were thorough,” he replied. “If you don’t follow through the few simple requests he left, the property is to be sold and your half will go into trust for you or your beneficiary.” He handed you the short list of requests.  

“I’d like to keep the ranch,” Reese said. “I promise I can answer some of the questions you have and there are a few things there that you may want to have.” You sigh and frown, the guilt trip working on you. Reese shouldn’t have to forfeit his home so you can get all this over with now. You agree and sign the paperwork, making you half owner of the ranch.  

“Can I just sign my half over to Reese now?” you ask. The lawyer chuckles and a slight smile plays on Reese’s lips.

“You have to wait two weeks before you can do that,” he replies. “I’ll be here then if you still want to do that.”

Approximately half an hour later, you followed Reese up a long driveway and park in a gravel area in front of a huge farmhouse with a sprawling porch that looked like it went completely around the house. There wasn’t another house for as far as you can see, other than the massive barn behind the house. As you emerged from the car, an Australian Shepherd came bounding from around the side of the house. For a moment, you’re not sure what to do but quickly find that the dog is very friendly and takes to you immediately, not wanting to let you out of his sight when Reese invites you inside.  

“He’s not allowed in the house until the work day is over,” Reese explained. “Go back to work Max.” With a whine in your direction, he heads back around the house toward the barn. Reese motions for you to follow him and heads into the house. As you enter, you note the typical farmhouse decor of horses, apples, and gingham. It was done in a way that is pleasing to the eye and makes you feel instantly comfortable and at home.

“Do you know where we are supposed to begin?” you ask, hoping to get this over with as soon as humanly possible. He smiles and wordlessly leads you to a well-worn study. As you enter, you notice several things that makes your eyes grow to the size of headlights.  

“He wanted me to bring you in here to show you where he spent most of his time when he wasn’t out on the ranch,” Reese said. “I spent hours with him in this room hanging out or hearing stories of you when you were little and any new piece of information that he was able to find on you through the years.” About a dozen or so of the photo frames held pictures of you when you were little, drawings you had made, or the one or two news articles you’d managed to make it in for awards or competitions. Confusion creases your forehead since you thought that he just abandoned you and never thought about you again after that.  

“I never even considered that he ever thought of me after he left,” you murmur, walking around to inspect the room he spent so much time in. Bookshelves lined one wall filled with books on farming, animals and home repair. There were even a few about bookkeeping, which is what you went to school for. On the opposite wall, it held shelf after shelf with awards and ribbons that you assume were won by your father and/or brother. It was impressive and was proof of their hard work. Sighing, you make it to the back wall with the window. As you look out, you see a massive tree with a tire swing dangling from one of it’s strong branches. It looks like it’s been there forever. As you turn around, you see the desk. Right next to the computer is a picture of you and your father. It looks like it’s from right before he left when you were 6. You both look so happy that your heart hurts a little. Reese must have seen something on your face that let him know that you were ready to listen. As you watch, he gets into the safe, not caring if you see the combination or not. When he stood up, he held a towering stack of envelopes bound with twine.  

“Have a seat,” he said, motioning to your father’s chair at the desk. “I think it’s time that you read these. Let me know if you need a drink or anything. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.” He laid the stack on it’s side in front of you since it was too tall to stand on it’s own. Then, he slipped out the door, pulling it half shut to give you some privacy.  

Untying the string, you find that the first envelope is a card addressed to you with a return to sender stamp on it dated shortly before your 7th birthday. Opening it, you find a cute card with some money in it. What gets you is the hand written note on the blank part inside. ‘Know that even if I am not there, I will always love you and be thinking of you.” Glancing through all the rest, you find that every birthday, major holiday, and even is covered. All of the ones up until 16 were mailed and returned. After that, it was just an envelope with a date on it. Sighing, you open the 2nd one. Then, the next and the next. It was over an hour later with silent tears running down your face that you reach the final envelope. Each one had held a card, a little money, a personal message from your father and once Reese came along, an added message from him to you.  

This last one is different than the rest. It’s in a regular long one and was only a letter. This is the one you’ve been waiting for your whole life. As you read it, he explains that he met a woman and entered into an affair with her. He couldn’t bear the shame and humiliation of telling you and your mother what he’d done. He’d left the two of you for her and the child they had created only to have his new wife die within 5 years of Reese’s birth. In detail, he admits the regret of not being more open and honest about what happened as well as trying harder to have a relationship with you.  He confesses that it was all his fault and that if he could go back in time to make things right, that he would. Towards the end, he begs for forgiveness and for you to not hold it against Reese. His hope was that having a sibling and the ranch would be of some sort of closure for you about him. Realizing that you’re cried out, you wipe your face and go to find the kitchen and Reese.  

“So now what, Brother?” you ask, feeling a true sense of peace for the first time in a long while.

“Do you ride?” he asks. You arch your eyebrows and smile.

As the two of you ride on horseback on a trail up a hill, you feel a confounding sense of connection to the land you’re traveling on. Green fields, a creek with crystal clear water, and sheep were grazing everywhere. As you and Reese hit the crest of the hill, your quick intake of breath gets caught in your throat. It’s sunset and the horizon is an explosion of reds, oranges, and yellows against the hues of blue in the cloudless sky. It was then that you finally realized that you were home.  

Thank you,

Kathryn McGinnis