I was graduated into my college and its little bit nervous cuz, the thing i was expected in my 16 age was never happened!.. I was expecting to act maturely, have a small buisness or being independent.. But money is so hard to get! my dream is to have it!.. For supporting my goals.. So i realize maybe we need adjustment to have it.. I planned a buisness but it failed! I was suppose to be praying to god to give me money to support my luxury... It's not a magic.. So i decided to go Fortune teller to know when was my time to have a power to shine with my luxury.. They say "until you ask".... I didn't understand but i just say thank you for your opinion and give the money I became more selfish for money... I was educated but i can't find a job.. They was just saying "you are educated but lack of patience" I don't care what are they talking about.. I just want the money of the world One time i remember my bestie ashley.. I missed her so much so i stalk her social media and i see her luxuries..! Her brand new car's, clothe's, phone's and enjoying adventuring my dream became real to her So i texted her Me: "hey, how are you" Ashley : hey!! I miss you so much! Me: ahm yeah miss you too, Ashley how did you get your luxuries? (i asked her straight cuz i really want too) Ashley: hmmm, do you want a job? Me: exactly! I can't get job! I really need money Ashley : well see you at a club at 8:00 pm Me: okay see you then, bye bye I don't know of what job does ashley suggest to me but im interested cuz i have a lot of goals.. *at the club, 8:00 pm I was standing at the front of the club as Ashley say.. so i waited her, suddenly she saw me and she waved to me Ashley : hey you here let's go to the club! So i followed her, it was my first time to go in a club.. The music is so loud it was so dark and the lights are moving.. There's a lot of boys and girl's teasing each other.. Me: hey? Ashley why are we here (in the room) Ashley: this is my job! You can get a lot money and tips here!! (she smile me hot) Me:w-what do you mean? By cleaning the room? Is what you mean? (i was so nervous cuz, i don't want to know if my mind was the real job of Ashley so i waited her answer bravely, cuz i never did that before) Ashley: st*p*d, girl! Its Love to a boy's by s*x of course.. You so slow! (i can't breathe my heart are shaking, i never tried s*x i don't want this kind of job!!!) so i answered Me: a-ashley!!!, what are you thinking are you idi*t? We are educated.. Is that a professional job? Ashley!! we have no plan like that since before graduation!! After telling that to her she laugh to me Ashley : c'mon you have no choice you are hired here! And you need money (after her words she closed the door and a minutes ago, one man entered the room) At that moment i was crying for help of my parents and god!!! What the h*ll is this? Boy: hey babes wanna see how f*** i am! He said then my knee f*ck collapse So i collapse at the bed.. I can't move i just closed my eyes while convincing to my self that "it's just one night just try it!" .......................... I accept my body was played by unknown man... And growling a whole night After that i go to my house and cry 3 days i just eaten once a day because of what happen i always tell to my self "im so dirty" i never thought what job i get!! It's not a good idea i remember what fortune teller tells to me "until you asked!" so she already know! Of what would happen to me! Why did she not tell me that about to learn? It can ruined my life, isn't accident? But i don't have choice i was collapse!! Nothing i can't do! I hate Ashley she ruined my life because of that boy!! 5 months ago, and im pregnant! I didn't tell to my mom of what i did past 5 months.. Cuz i think it will be okay.. But it's not.. I feel always night in my house no need food i hate Ashley and everyday i hear my growling on that boy!! My conscience! At that day my mom visited me i opened the door and she hug me! This is what i need! Mom: it's okay my daughter how do you feel! She said i was so shock!! she speaks like she knows my everything i stopped hugging her and offer her to come in! Mom: i know! It's because of Ashley offered you a job! And i can't speak! Because of that my mom knows! But how!!! Mom: ashley told me! How do you feel! Are you alright! So i have no word to speak i just run to hug her and tell her "IM SORRY" and i cried my full of sorry Mom: how was your baby? She asked calmly, i can't speak because of my mom! She understands me AFTER 2 YEARS I find chul that loves me even i have my daughter, we married after a year and Ashley was invited After the wedding she cried to me to say sorry, i forgive i her!and forget that things... she said that she has a boyfriend and she's way of new life I was so happy to Ashley and i realize all my faults i know it's not ashley fault, it's not fortune teller fault.... its my fault! I was doing an action in the name of money with no patience My name is mira and i get a job that i never thought because of money! My dreamed was so challenging to get and give me a new path by standing to my wrongs,i have to choice just to face it all and stay learning on my wrongs by discipline my child earlier!
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5 comments
Ok hi I was sent to your story to leave some feed back first I want to say that your story was compelling The main thing you need to work on is your grammar it helps to have some one else read the story out loud to make sure you didn't miss any words also making sure you develop your story line by being more descriptive the idea behind the story was amazing and I would love to see you elaborate more on the topic
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Thank you so much taja jones, it was my first time to create my story, thanks for your tips i will do my best to fix my grammars 😊
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Hi Mi So, I agree with @taja Jones. I also understand grammar can be very hard, especially when English isn’t your first language. My grammar got a lot better when I started reading English novels (a lot of them 😉) I would like to advise you to cut back on the amount of “enters” you use. It is quite a heavy subject you chose, but all the white space makes the story very lightweight for the reader. It would also help if you could get a little deeper into the feelings of the main character. What does she smell, hear? What details does she se...
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Yea, it's s so hard and also still learning at English thank you for your tips specially making me realize of how important is feelings of the main character, i will improve my English skill so thank you for understanding too😊💛
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yes something else is maybe have someone else read it to you and when talking about such heavy topics the more detail about the characters feelings the better so we can see the work through the characters eyes
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