Homosexuals in the 90's

           We're in the parking lot as I take a puff and then she takes a puff of a cigarette, but not a regular cigarette. We both laugh because it makes the high last longer. We hold it in as long as we can, holding our breaths. Then we open our mouths and make like we're making out while we blow the smoke into each other's lungs and hold again. We exhale after two minutes. Then, our impulses start going awa and we start laughing and doing things like taking off her bra and putting it on a plant's pot, clasping it around and flashing everyone. These are the kind of things we do when we're high. Or calling having men call up dating services free to women and leaving erotic gay messages to straight men who aren't interested in us. This is why we get high, because we don't fit anywhere. Our classmates hate us and kick our asses, our parents hate us because they wish we were like the other kids, so we sneak out and go here.

           “Welcome to the GLCC, the Gay and Lesbian Community Center.” This is the bullshit part. This is what they have to do to get donations to keep the door open in this place. Go around, say our sexual orientation (if we want to), what we're hoping to get from our time here. Usual bullshit Are we having any challenges this week? We're homosexuals in the 90's, what do you think? Have we come out to anyone and how did it go? Then, the bullshit meeting ends and we get in our cars and go home.  We go back to our dealer. Go in the drive way, headlights off. One of us goes with money and knocks on the back door. The person lets them in and they make the exchange. Take five minutes. They want us in and out as fast as possible and easy money. We don't know where they get it and don't care as long as it's real. One time another dealer gave us lawn clippings and we never went back and reported him to the cops using anonymous tip lines. 

           I'm the one with the car and drive everyone else home. One's too young to drive, another has a suspended license, etc. Who gives a shit? We love talking to each other and playing padiddle. Maybe you've never played padiddle. How to play padiddle. Every time someone sees a car with one headlight out, the person who sees it say, “Padiddle” and everyone else says it as fast as they can. Then, the last person to say padiddle has to take an article of clothing off. The last person with clothes wins. We also bought alchohol under age. Grow a beard, buy white hair coloring, buy fake Ids, it's easy. This isn't an anti-drug moral story where everyone gets arrested and we go to rehab and help other fuckers get better in rehab. That would be lame and predictable. No. The GLCC gives out free condoms since they want to stop the spread of AIDS in the GLBT+ community. They offer free AIDS tests every month. Big deal. We have a spot we smoke and drink in the back, secluded. No one but us ever goes there. There's dumpsters used at the end of the night and us. We just smoke until we feel happy high, not paranoid high. We love each other since no one loves us. There's a helping hand councelor where you can drop off unwanted children which is fucked up because how many gay or lesbian couples get pregnant? Hmm. None of us you fucking morons. There's a library with GLBT books like, Coming Out, Dual Attraction, etc. This place is a joke. We come here for pot and sex, gay sex. We make love in the backseats of our cars since our parents'd kill us if they found out. We go on fake dates with gay men if we're woman or lesbians if we're men and lie our asses off. Remember Amanda Wreckonwith? A man recking with. Sometimes I think it'd be easier to move to San Fran where it'd be normal, but real estate there is a bitch, but so am I. Sometimes I think it'd be easier if I faked being straight, but it doesn't feel right. I drive each one home and flash them and their parents. Who gives a fuck? I got the bra from the plant back but wish I hadn't. This thing hurts. Damn underwires. I get the last drop off home and drive back to my place and pray my parents are asleep and I can shower in the morning before they notice anything. Then, I can do the straight phony thing again and tell my parents I'm not dating any men yet and they'll tell me Mr. Right'll come for me. Have no fear. I pray they die sometimes, so I can go to college and be myself. I don't have to pretend to be interested in men, but I'm young and so are they. Mom is up watching TV and asks how my night was and where I went. I gave vaguaeries and have truths. I spend the night with friends talking. I didn't meet any men I was intrested in. Someday, I'll have a degree and be independent and won't have to deal with any of this bullshit anymore. Yea, and someday gay marriage'll be legal. Right. Someday football captains won't kick our asses for us being who we are. Someday we'll be able to say who we're dating or who we want to marry without getting weird looks. Someday. I get up to my room and get out of my clothes. It's not that time of the month so I can sleep el natural. I start fingering myself and thinking of the women in white shirts with no bra who's aerialas I can see. I think of the women I flashed and who flash me and I stick my finger inside myself. It takes fifteen minutes with one turn over. I feel relaxed and will shower in the morning where it'll all start again.

           Drugs, lies, sex, money, all the evils of the world. Then assholes from churches and synogogues come in to remind us that the Bible says, “If a man sleeps with a man and he sleeps with a woman, he shall be stoned to death and his sins will fall on his own head”, 

           I don't have a religion now, but I believe in God, but wonder if he believes in me.