Anti-New-Years

“They’re all slaves to time.”

Randy was practically shouting at his two friends, Scottie and Marky, who nodded their heads in hesitant agreement.

“It’s always NOW. Quantum physics even proves that everything is happening now; past, present and future. We just decode reality as a series of sequential events.”

Randy paused for effect.

“It’s like a DVD. The whole movie exists on the disc, but when you play it on your television, you only see one scene at a time.”

Scottie cleared his throat. “I get what you’re saying, Randy. But how can something that happened when I was six years old be now?”

Randy’s eyes flared with warlike delight. He enjoyed philosophical debate and derived a sense of superior identity from it. “You’re missing my point, Scottie boy,” he said with pretentiousness. “When are you remembering it?”

“Now,” Scottie replied.

“And when was it when it happened?”

“Now,” Scottie said again.

“See?” Randy sneered. “It’s always now. Always has been. It’s just that you decode a series of experiences through your limited perception.”

“Fair point,” said Scottie. “Well, if you’re so wise, why can’t you see everything at once?”

Randy’s face crumpled with indignation. “I’m working on it! Plus it’s all quantum potential anyway. There is no single future. The future is an ocean of possibilities in the now. And the past changes according to how we relate to it in the now. Actually, maybe I am seeing it all at once…”

Marky, who was watching in amusement, decided to chime in. “So Randy, how would society work if there was no time. How would trains run? How would work shifts end and begin? How could we meet up with people?”

“I’ve thought about this too,” Randy said, now in his intellectual-mystic role. “Everything would be in accordance with nature. The position of the sun, the cartography of the stars, the changing of seasons, all of that. And when we operate on the basis of nature, our latent psychic abilities will emerge. Intuition will be crystal clear and telepathy will be as normal as using a phone. We wouldn’t need time to plan or do anything when we’re telepathic.”

“Telepathy? Really? I doubt that,” Marky rebutted.

“I’ve experienced it myself!” exclaimed Randy. “I would get a weird thought right before my ex-girlfriend Mindy called me, every time. I couldn’t explain it then. Her name would flash through my consciousness. So it wasn’t like thinking of someone. It was different. Then she would call, seconds later.”

“Precognition,” Scottie muttered.

“Exactly,” Randy replied. “So much supports this. There’s quantum entanglement, which shows how everything is interconnected. There’s the morphogenic field, where we all share a collective mind. There’s the fact that the mind isn’t limited to the brain. It’s actually a field. Oh, and if computers can share information over wireless internet, why isn’t it possible for us to do it with our brains?”

“It was just a question,” Marky said. “You’re the king of drowning people in a tsunami of points to back up your theories. You should’ve been a lawyer, Randy.”

“Don’t get me started on the legal system,” Randy replied, half-joking.

Marky sighed. “So back to the time stuff…”

Randy looked up at the ceiling in thought.

“Where was I? Oh yeah. We haven’t even touched on calendar systems. The Gregorian Calendar that we use isn’t even accurate. First of all, a true solar year is 365.242189 days long on average. The Gregorian Calendar, even with leap years, is off about 27 seconds per year. That adds up, you know. The Persian calendar, for example, is only off about one second per year. 

When different places adopted the Gregorian Calendar, they skipped a bunch of days to make it work. That’s just weird to me. Any calendar is going to be inaccurate. That’s just the way it is. Like how a map is not the territory itself, and never will be.

What troubles me more though, is what I call ‘relational positioning.’ When all calendars are based on each other, how do you objectively understand time and history? How can you look outside of it? Everything we measure is based on the Gregorian Calendar. Even if we say that the Hebrew calendar started 6,000 years ago or whatever, that’s pinning the Hebrew calendar into Gregorian time. And people who use different calendars do the same thing. It’s quite the conundrum. All of history could really be 400 years old, true solar years, for all we know.”

“You lost me, Randy,” said Scottie.

“Me too,” Marky chimed it.

Randy gathered himself in an attempt to bridge the gap. “The inaccuracy of the Gregorian Calendar, and calendars in general, on top of the false construct of time… That’s two levels of delusion. And you think time is real? Give me a break?”

“How long of a break do you want?” Marky winked.

Randy grunted, but he let himself smile. “That was a good one Marky. I’ll give you that.”

“And this all leads to your Anti-New-Years idea, right?” Marky asked.

“Yes. No holiday pisses me off more than New Years. Everyone gawks at that stupid calendar. They think their lives are going to magically change because the imaginary calendar switches. It’s a collective sickness that’s keeping humanity enslaved. Did you look up the rates of anxiety?”

“Look who’s talking,” Marty said. “You’re the angriest person I know, Randy.”

Randy shot him a vicious glare. “That’s because I’m so done with this fake matrix. I’m so done with stupidity and I’m so done with control systems.”

“You really think time could be a conspiracy?” Scottie asked in a worried voice.

Randy’s voice cracked as he yelled, “Of course it is!”

“Well then…” Marky added sarcastically.

Scottie looked at Randy. “Tell us more about your Anti-New-Years idea.” 

Randy glared at both of them. “The Anti-New-Years is my counter strike to new years. It will create a snowball effect, an unstoppable movement of people leaving the fake system of time. It will be the springboard for humanity to transcend time, once and for all.”

“What would you do at this Anti-New-Years?” asked Marky.

Randy grew fervent. “Protest! Resist! Talk about how stupid time is! Spread the word!”

“That doesn’t sound like fun at all,” added Marky.

“Who said it was going to be fun?” Randy asked. “This is serious stuff. Humanity needs to be free.”

“Now, Randy, when will it take place?” Marky asked with a mischievous smile.

“December 31st of course! New Years Eve!” Randy exclaimed. Even as the words left his mouth, he gasped in realization.

Scottie and Marky looked at each other and laughed.

“It seems like that trap of time is bigger than you think there, Randy.”