A Season of Hope

There is a sweet aroma of the tree decorated with small white lights that twinkle on and off to a rhythm all their own. The tree is covered only in gold ornaments; small round glass balls, angels with gold halos and strands of tiny gold beads. Despite this beautifully decorated tree in the corner of her small apartment it just doesn’t feel like Christmas and she wishes she could skip it altogether. The year has been hard, but the last four months have been a struggle to make it through each day. She carries a sense of loss and grief and fear with her each day which cancels out the usual joy of this season. Decorating her tree earlier in the month should have helped to squash her unseasonable mood, and it did for a minute. But these feelings are ones she can’t shake off and knows that only time will move her forward. 

Today there is snow falling softly and silently, passing by her fifth floor apartment window and coming to rest effortlessly on the people on the sidewalk heading to work. It is Christmas Eve, which means a short day and early closure of the coffee shop at six o’clock, allowing time to make it across the city to her aunt’s house for the traditional Christmas Eve dinner of tamales with her cousins. She is not traveling home this year because her work schedule as a new Manager does not allow her time away for the holiday. She is grateful that she will not be alone though she is missing her mother and siblings this year and the first holiday without her father. As if her mother can read her thoughts, her mobile phone rings displaying her number and Paloma’s favorite picture of her parents.

“Buenos dias Ama” she answers the phone, setting her coffee mug gently on the coffee table. “Como esta?”

“Muy bien mi reina y tu?” her mother replies. 

“Y usted también. Lo siento mucho no puedo estar con usted este ano” she replies. “¿Qué haces esta noche?”

And with that their conversation switches to English as after all of these years away from her parents and speaking English most of the time it comes more naturally to her.

“We are going to be home, just the two of us. Silvia said that Diego may come over for a while. It will be nice and quiet. I don’t think I am ready for a big celebration yet, it has only been three months”. Paloma’s father was killed in the end of September in a car accident on his way home from work. He had worked for thirty years as a plumber, often taking jobs in the city an hour from home which required early mornings. They believe he had fallen asleep at the wheel while driving home late in the afternoon, his car striking a large oak tree that lined the highway and killing him instantly. It was a tragic loss; her mother had never worked outside the home so when she lost her soulmate she also became very vulnerable to losing her home. Paloma’s younger sister Silvia had given up her apartment and moved back in with their mother almost immediately. It was not a sustainable long-term plan, but until the family could stabilize Silvia’s income would help pay the mortgage. Paloma and her two brothers also contributed monthly to help support their mother and there was a lot of unspoken pressure on Paloma to move home and help. As much as Paloma wanted to help and support her family, she was also hesitant to give up her independence, something that went against the expectations of her culture which placed family as a priority over self. 

“I know Ama. I miss him every single day. I will come home after the holidays to visit, I promise.” 

“Come home to stay mi reina” her mother replies in a tone that implies it has been decided, not up for debate. 

“Ama, please, it’s Christmas. Can we talk about this later?” she replies hoping to move the conversation away from a topic of disagreement. 

“You know, Javier came by last week to check on me,” Paloma’s mother says. Javier was her high school boyfriend, the one she was supposed to marry and start a life with after graduation. Her family never anticipated she would go to college on a scholarship and not return even though the relationship fell apart after the first semester from the strain of distance. Javier had dated other girls but held out hope she would return; beat up by the big, bad world and need him to fix her. “He told me to pass on a message.”

“And what message would that be Ama,” she says in a tone that conveyed irritation at the situation. 

“He asked me to propose to you once again and let you know he still loves you and has a home for you to come back too. What do you think mi reina?” her mother askes, already knowing her response. 

“Please tell him, again, thank you for the sweet offer but no, I won’t marry him”, she says while rolling her eyes and saying goodbye to her mother. What her mother does not know is that Paloma has met the love of her life already. The connection with Dean after a few months had been almost immediate and very strong. They had begun dating, after several months of friendship, about a month before her father’s death. She had been with him at dinner when she received the call, the call that would change her life and cause her to fall out of her chair onto the restaurant floor with grief. Dean had caught her, physically and emotionally, and had been holding her up ever since. He was kind and patient; giving her space when she needed and respecting her boundaries. He took no offense when she needed space to grieve or just be mad at the universe. And he was happy to hold her when she needed comforting. She had never met anyone like him and honestly some days she was not sure what to do with those feelings. 

Paloma showers and dresses for work, bundled up in her heavy snow parka and boots and headed out to the elevator. As she exits the elevator into the small lobby she nearly runs into Yvegeni the Russian born doorman in her building. Yvegeni is a short, round man in his sixties who reminded her of Santa Claus. He is jolly and fun; just who you wanted to greet you at the end of the long day. Although he is married and old enough to be her grandfather, he routinely professes his adoration for her and proposes marriage. Today, dressed in a Santa costume, is no exception.

“Ah, Paloma my beautiful girl and favorite resident. On this Christmas Eve, this holy and special day, will you do me the honor of accepting my marriage proposal” he calls out wearing his signature grin showing all of his rotted crooked teeth, a sad sign of a life of poverty in his mother country.

“Now Yvegeni, you would run out on Margaret on Christmas Eve?” she replies as she returns the embrace, his arms open straight out to her like her father used to do. 

“Oh, I forget about her. You are right, that won’t work. Maybe after the holidays” he replies with his hearty, full laugh. “Have a great day Miss Paloma and bundle up, the snow is really coming down”. 

She exits the building and turns right, immediately falling in step with the rhythm of the city. Despite the cold and the snow, there are many people out and there is a holiday energy in the air. In front of her a young girl is bundled up head to toe wearing pink and purple snow boots, a matching jacket and even matching gloves, hat and scarf. Her small hand is held tightly by her mother who is also dressed in the same outfit. Paloma thinks to herself about how much the mother must have enjoyed picking out twin outfits and heading out into the cold to finish shopping. She follows the pink duo for several blocks until they turn into a department store and Paloma continues on towards the coffee shop. She has worked for this small coffee company for five years, in all of the six shops located in the city. She never imagined this as a career with her degree in sociology, in fact she never really had any idea what she would do after college, but the family owned company always felt so welcoming to her when she was far away from home. So she stayed. And when a management position in the highest grossing store became available, she felt honored to be offered to fill it. The shops were each individualized to look and feel like the neighborhood in which they were located. They were welcoming and comfortable in their artwork and design which encouraged people from the neighborhood to buy a coffee and treat and then sit and stay awhile. Each shop created a feeling of home in a way that other larger chains had not been able to do, which gave them a competitive advantage. Paloma’s store was located in an upscale shopping district and was frequented by the higher income residents as well as high net worth people who came into the city to shop.

She met Dean at her last store which was located across down in a less affluent neighborhood. He had been her manager and they had flirted and gotten to know each other as friends for about six months. Both felt the attraction but accepted that because of their work relationship the other was off limits. The day after Paloma accepted the promotion Dean called her and asked her out on a date. She happily accepted and never looked back. 

“Paloma, Merry Christmas” she hears as she walks through the door to the shop. It is Beverly, one of the regulars and she is sitting on the black leather couch with her legs crossed drinking her regular drink; a vanilla oat milk latte. Beverly is in her early sixties; the former wife of a banking executive who cheated on her with his secretary fifteen years earlier. Beverly had made out well in the divorce and in the meantime discovered that perhaps his cheating was for the best because she truly enjoyed the company of women more than men. She spends her days shopping and volunteering at local charities and is at the shop everyday. She and Paloma had struck up a conversation and Beverly admitted how quiet and lonely her apartment was and that she preferred the hustle and bustle of the coffee shop. Paloma assured her she was always welcome and the way in which Beverly responded indicated she had an interest in Paloma. Paloma appreciated the attention; Beverly was harmless and her flirting was fun.

“Right back at you Miss Beverly. Are you done with your shopping?”

“Almost. I have only one more gift to get but it depends on your answer,” Beverly replies.

“My answer? That is mysterious”, Paloma replies as she takes a seat on the couch. The owners of the business built a business model that is more concerned about keeping a family friendly environment for customers than employees following specific rules. So, employees are always encouraged to sit and talk with customers who are alone and interested in company. Paloma loved this about her employers, especially because the older customers are often lonely and a short conversation over coffee brings giant smiles to their faces.

“Yes, your answer to my proposal. You know how much I enjoy your company but you are too old for me to adopt. So, marry me and we can travel the world my dear and when I die I can leave you whatever fortune we don't spend” Beverly replied with her signature laugh and a wink. 

“Oh Beverly, I would in a heartbeat. But I am in love with Dean. Plus, I am a terrible traveler. I always over pack and still forget things. I would drive you absolutely mad with frustration. Also, your children will murder me” Paloma replies with a giggle.

“I thought you would say that. Ok, well in that case I am done shopping and just need more coffee!”

“Coming right up!” Paloma replies and heads towards the counter. She greets her employees, puts in Beverly’s order and heads back to her office to prepare for the day. She is looking forward to the day off tomorrow, she has been running since she started this new position and has increased profits ten percent already,so she knows she needs a break. She is pleasantly surprised that the afternoon goes by quickly when six o’clock arrives she locks the door and lets out a deep breath. The crew starts clapping and hugging, performing the closing routine quickly as all are heading to Christmas Eve celebrations. Paloma’s mobile phone rings in her pocket and she is not surprised it is Dean since his store had just closed too. 

“Hi love, how are you?” Dean’s voice fills her ear as she answers the phone. “Merry Christmas Eve”

“Hi babe. Merry Christmas Eve to you too” Paloma replies. ‘I just locked the door. I can’t believe how busy we were today. All the “last minute larries” out shopping needed coffee to keep going”.

“Last minute larries? I have never heard that before. I love your crazy sayings”.

“Yes, that was one of my Dad’s. He used to get so frustrated with people who waited until the last minute to do things. Especially dealing with their plumbing because it made his job so much harder” she replies.

“I wish I would have met him. He and I would have really gotten along well” Dean replies. He always knows the things to say to Paloma when he knows she is struggling. “Well I know you have plans with your family tonight. Will you please call me when you get home so I know you are safe and we can decide what we want to do tomorrow?”

“Of course. Talk to you soon”

Once the crew has finished the closing routine they all bundle up and head out again into the snow. Paloma walks quickly to the subway station to catch the train to her Aunt’s house. As she approaches the entrance, she sees an older man who is clearly homeless sitting and leaning against the stairwell railing. He looks up and they make eye contact. Paloma leans down and hands him the bag of pastries from the shop. She makes a point of taking them with her each day to give to people instead of throwing them out. The man reaches out and as she hands him the bag he opens his mouth to speak. She can smell the liquor on his breath and says a silent prayer that he won’t pass out and freeze to death that night. 

“Thank you beautiful lady. Marry me as a Christmas gift for an old man?” he says to her as she heads down the stairs. “There is a church just down the block.”

When she reaches the bottom her train is approaching and she hops on for the twenty minute ride south to her destination. The train is pretty full but the farther it goes from the center of the city the more it empties out until only she and two other people remain when it arrives at her stop. She exits the train and continues the short walk to her Aunt’s house. She met these family members when she came to the city for college, and Patricia welcomed her into her home and made her feel like a daughter rather than a niece. She knew this walk by heart which was very helpful since the softly falling snow was starting to look more like a blizzard with the wind beginning to pick up. 

She arrives at the house and walks up the brownstone steps to the door. Before she can knock the door flies open and there is Dean surrounded by her family.

“Dean, what are you doing here? What is going on?” 

“Hi love. Merry Christmas. Come in” he says as he reaches out and grabs her hand and pulls her into a warm embrace. As he does Paloma feels his body starting to lower to the ground until he is kneeling on one knee. She looks around and sees all of her cousins, her aunt and uncle and several strangers staring at her.

“Dean, what is going on?” she stammers.

“Well, I am proposing and I am hoping that since so many people are here and watching that this turns out to be a good idea and you say yes. Paloma, you are the most loving, intelligent and amazing person I have ever met. My life is full and fun and spontaneous with you in it. I never want that to end and I hope you will say yes to spending the rest of our lives together”.

Without a moment of hesitation Paloma responds “Yes, yes a hundred times yes!” to the fifth proposal of the day.