Purple Door, Red Window

I woke up in a complete panic. I felt every single drop of sweat diving down my body, from head to toe. I could feel the pressure of the heavy breathing on my lungs, and it came so rapidly. I couldn’t believe myself, the part of me that told me everything would be alright.

Then, it all began to calm. Even though it was happening slowly, I could feel the difference dramatically. My breath was becoming more, and more shallow. Yet the feeling stayed the same. The numbing, empty, scared feeling wouldn’t shake. I sat there, in my usually comforting bed, and I looked outside at the sunny, fall day. My mind began to calm, joining the rest of my body, and my thoughts shifted.

I felt the sun, and the crispness of the cooling air as if I was immersed into it, and it felt so good. Even though my head was usually buzzing with millions of thoughts in that second it was still, tranquil even, and that gave me the power to start my day. 

When I had finally found the courage, and strength to get up I reviewed the chalkboard hanging on my living room wall. The list, colour coded of course, made me smile, ready to go help people. When you’re in charge of organizing the paramedic groups at a big hospital your job can be quite cumbersome at times, but not today. Today was the day I could go to actually help people, and work the patients, and not just with a computer, and schedules. So I was happy, despite the way I was woken up. I looked at the chalk board and all the handwritten letters filling the dark space. It read:

Remember to: 

1. Go grocery shopping after work
2. Send a thank you note to Michelle for the beautiful flowers
3. Wash new scrubs from work
4. Buy a bottle for dinner at Henry + Velma’s
5. Have an amazing day!!

The antique hanging clock beside it told me it was 6:30 AM, so in other words time to get to the hospital. 

After I got ready, got into the car and then drove for 20 minutes I finally made it to St. Peter’s Hospital, where my paramedic unit was based. I walked up the cracking concrete steps, leaving the padded ramp for the disabled man I saw with a nurse close to the memorial garden. The big wooden doors with a metal border were so inviting, as if they were there to tell the patients, you are welcome, and you are in a safe place. The memorial garden was a beautiful frame for the old, limestone exterior of the beautiful hospital. Not only did it have memories of people who had died, but they also had memories of ones who survived, sending a message of hope.

I entered the hospital and immediately I felt the hussle of all the people working for the good of others. I saw a little bit of everything as I walked through the renovated hospital. I made my way to the section of the hospital labeled PARAMEDICS. I entered and felt a family, filled with familiar faces and warm smiles.

It took me a few minutes to greet people, and put all my stuff where it belonged. When I was done I headed for the cafeteria within the paramedic section. Craving for a pick-me-up, I turned on the coffee machine, longing for that warm drink to settle me. 

WEO, WEO, WEO, PARAMEDICS TEAM ONE NEEDED, WEO, WEO, WEO PARAMEDICS TEAM ONE NEEDED.

That was my call, like how Batman has his symbol. I was racing out the door into the ambulance, with my team. Betsy was a specialist in the heart, and brain, Robbin was our driver, and Gregory was the one who did the preliminary checks. Lucy and I did a little of everything. 

As the address was already imported for Robbin, we prepared. We got word it was a suspected heart attack. When Robbin told us the address, we all realized it was relatively close, so we really hurried to get prepared. Off we were, the ambulance sirens blaring, alerting all the cars, big, and small passing to the side. We flew down the cramped streets. After about 5 minutes of preparation and excitement (of course not for the horrible accident), we arrived.

Robbin shouted to all of us, “We need to walk from here, it is in apartment 453.” We all got the message loud, and clear. We collected all our materials, and rushed out of the white ambulance.

We all ran as fast as we could, I could feel the weight of my shoes as I ran through gravel. I could hear the loud sirens come to a stop, and the shadows of the lights calm. I saw a rusted sign up ahead on a red brick wall pointing toward the building. I was first, leading the way around the side of the building. Then we came to a turn. I rounded the corner, and all of a sudden I couldn't move, I couldn’t run, I couldn’t do anything. I stood there paralyzed, with my eyes wide open. 

“Are you okay? Why did you stop,” said Gregory into my ear. I barely saw his hand waving in front of my eyes. They all conjugated beside me looking very confused. 

“Can you hear me, Megan?” Betsy said.

“Should we keep going?” Lucy spoke with concern.

I could hear the cars, and all the morning traffic as I stood there. I was barely aware of the beeping, voices, birds, and wind. The cool Fall wind blowing in my face no longer made an impact on me. 

I could feel that pressure in my chest again, getting faster, and faster. I began to recognize the ally. The big blue neon sign saying LAUNDROMAT. The purple door beside a red window sill, and a series of garbage cans lined up against a white brick wall, very noticeable as the rest was red brick. 

This was the ally from my dream. The one where I died.