From Bad to Worse

"How can you get from point to the next point, with making a human footprint?" "How can you know when the road ends at a dead end?"

"When will the moment arrive that can take you higher than you ever thought possible?" "If you know so much, how can one never truly know enough?"

That turning a present mistake, and trying to resolve it, may or may not make it worse than before even with the smallest of resolutions. It depends on what you are trying to use as the resoultion and how bad you want to fix the problem.

Some problems have no resolutions, nor some questions have any answers. "If one finds themselves in such a predicament, and they cannot find any clues to help them better understand what they are really wanting to have happen."

An example of this is when you say something to one of your best friends, or to the one you are in a relationship with. Something said that you thought you would never say, either in general or say what you are thinking, especially to the person you spoke to.

You always said you would never hurt that person, or anyone else, for that fact, yet here you are looking at that person, at that moment, having said what you said to them.

You raise your eyebrows, facial expressions changed due to the words spoken, then the silence. The silence that makes you realize you spoke to them about the matter, and you elaborated on the matter, all the while you realize you could never take it back once it has been spoken by your lips and has reached their ears.

You hang your head in shame and know that the damage has been done. You want to erase that which has been spoken, but then as you stumble over your words to apologize, it is apparent that this will add insult to injury.

"Yes, I have messed up and now I am going to have to move forward, but minus the person whose pride has been beaten and destroyed, all by what was said and what was heard."

You have never been known to be so irate and furious with yourself for speaking this way, yet you never realized you could be angered by what you were thinking this much less pointing it out to them, especially after they had only recently experienced a traumatic events that same day.

So, you first stand there in silence, not sure what to say, for you have already said too much. Anything else spoken will only remind them of what had been spoken minutes before, then as you turn to walk away, you hang your head, in shame.

You then leave, the door is slammed shut and you are touched by the blow of the wind that follows the shutting of the door. This spoke volumes without ever saying a word. You knew this was an irreparable moment, which would leave a scar, never to be seen by the naked eye. Never visible on the surface. Never to be judged or to be pointed out by anyone. Only known by the person who caused the scar and the one who received it.

You walk away, hoping to find a way to forgive yourself. For causing the ruin to a lifelong friendship, and the pain and suffer you have inserted into their heart and mind.

The life you shared before will become a distant memory as they try to figure out why you said what you said, when you said what you said. "How did this become part of the broken friendship, the very thing to do damage like a twister or earthquake?"

"You go back through your memory and try to pull up all the things that were said before the moment, what was all said during the moment, then what was said or never said after the moment."

"You try to understand the why behind the moment of all that was spoken yet left an eerie echo through the hallways of your mind, or better yet, in their mind."

"Was losing someone so precious to you before, someone who was loved deeply by you, worth you risking this because of something said, without thinking beforehand, how they would take what you said to them and what would be long term affects and consequences as the end result?"

"It is what we think about that may get us in the worst trouble, while we may not see it to be as hurtful, harmful or painful equally nor do we realize that anything not positive will only end on a negative note."

"It is with a heavy heart, I stand away from the one person hurt, contemplating my next move." "I am not sure where to go with this, nor am I sure how to proceed with the retribution."

I do know this. I will need to make amends and hold strong to the idea that nothing is fixable, it matters more how one to chooses to fix it and how soon they will fix it, if possible.

After a moment of thinking about everything and wondering if you can fix this or make matters worse, you decide to leave. You walk away, heading to a place that you know you cannot mess anything up.

You arrive at this one place in the park, where no one will bother you. You hang your head and cry. "How could have you done such a thing as this, and not know this was the worst way to handle this?"

You seek out answers, finding none. You reach for the sky and with hands expanded, begin to cry out to God and wish for Him to show you a sign or an answer that will allow to guide you as to what to do next. You beg and you plead. You wish for and hope for, not sure if you are being heard.

Then when the cards have folded the one you think will win, has been bluffing all this time, the person you spoke to, appears.

They sit down beside you, reaching out to hug and kiss you, as though nothing ever happened.