In The Darkness

We bantered and flirted, my eyes bouncing towards him and the timer making sure not to burn the cherry filled chocolate lava cake I've been perfecting for weeks.

His words 'You're Gorgeous' warming my blood while he teases me about kissing my lips and then he waited until I called his bluff.

Once he took two steps towards me the space between us felt heavy.

He held my face so firmly in his grip

That when our lips met he became my anchor

The only thing keeping me from floating away.

The world disappeared but I tasted the bliss of heaven.

The hymn of his heartbeat , I felt each strum as they connected 

peace, sorrow, lust, desperateness but mostly vulnerability and need.

His heart song is unforgettable with it's hauntingly beautiful sound. 

I dissolved into him, the only moment my universe felt right.

He ate the lava cake with the slowest most seductive bites i’ve ever witnessed in a man but oh my they made me weak and my knees buckle. I'm not a chef and I usually burn grilled cheese but this dessert has been my art project since I found out it was his best friend, who unfortunately is now deceased, favorite. He teared up and tried to hide his surprise and appreciation and his face showed a different side of his vulnerability that made me want to hold and cuddle him until I loved all the pain away. He made us the most scrumptious chicago style pizza entirely from scratch. Flying pizza dough had never looked hotter and that includes its time in the fire stove. We ate and laughed and enjoyed the most delicate of moments and what felt like minutes turned into hours that melted into a night and left us both speechless in the morning. It didn’t take us long to consider what we were going to do next. 

I could hear everything. Every chair as it whined under the guests, the birds in the trees singing their congratulations and the squirrels that ran amuck in the well tended grass taking advantage of the bountiful energy. The minister's voice was a cool monotone that only made his voice the perfect balance with the other white noise in the background. 

"I knew from the moment" He continues

But I already know everything he's going to say because I also knew from that moment that there was no one else I'd rather spend my days and nights living for. I have a list of my top 10 kisses and that list changes frequently but number one stays the same because it was the first time our lips met and the first time I knew why I endured such an existence.

“I do” I say with tears streaming down my face before I could stop them. 

His lips, his breath, his tongue softly reaching forward to graze mine locked me into him forever. Our first kiss will always be my number one. 

Our wedding night was celebrated heavily and I never knew the magic and passion a honeymoon held until I was laying there  exhausted with all the sheets thrown off the bed. His body was warm and his face, oh that gorgeous manly beautiful face of his looked more at peace than a monk during Tai Chi. He knew that he was home as I laid on top of him and ran my fingers continuously through his hair and up and down his bare chest and shoulders. I travelled to three states and over twenty cities looking for anything to remotely feel like the place where my roots took hold. I searched for any type of clarity into the person I was and was becoming because growing and living is the hardest test this life keeps giving me. I struggled with not knowing how to love myself while trying to actively love myself and during this process I convinced myself that If I could move around, embrace different cultures and try new things then maybe I could find where I belong and who I was meant to be. Little did I know that I would find myself right before I found my person. I was home.

He always looks peaceful when he sleeps. But to be fair to be fair, to be fair, so do most people. When he looks peaceful at night it's different because he's comfortable and he knows that he's safe. After years of waking up harshly in different environments, in war and being taught and told to always sleep with one eye open, he finally can rest easy knowing that the person next to him will not only die for him but live for him in every humanly way possible. He fears for me the most during the night because he refuses to allow me to think about the night terrors and flashbacks he goes through. He becomes embarrassed because he thinks he’s a burden but everything he is and does only makes me love him more. Tonight is a good night and he looks calmer than the eye of a storm. Drool falls down the left side of his plump juicy red lips. He breathes heavily and snores so loudly he could scare an animal into its shell. The creases in his forehead and every muscle on his body is relaxed and soft. It's the cutest thing.

Tonight was different. As I watched him fall asleep I was reminded of the time we have together and how precious and limited it was. My research lately has been about natural biological disasters and seeing the damage they can cause; the people who lose the ones that mean more to them than breathing, The futures people were preparing for gone forever and the hope and faith go out of people's eyes as light goes out of others. This reminded me of how the little things can mean the most and to never take them for granted. I watched his chest rise and fall and could only imagine what joy he was dreaming about with that peaceful smile on his face. I position my body on top of his to hear his heartbeat. Right before my eyes close I glance at the clock only to notice the picture right in front. Our wedding night, my dress was shiny but our smiles were even brighter, how lucky we are to have found each other.

- Victoria