Mike meets Nan

Nan was ready. She looked herself over one more time in the mirror. She was ‘hot’! Not ‘hot’ in the way her teenage male students at Rocket High School referred to the mini skirt, breast bulging female classmates, but rather to a mid-forties mature eye. She glossed her lips one more time smacking for good measure and then dabbing with a napkin after. She thought of her old television icons Jane Fonda, Doris Day and a few others. They were right in line with her. Nan adjusted her lengthy Maxi Brand skirt and fluffed her blouse at her waist. She smiled at her figure in the mirror.

“Well, I hope he’s ready for all this.”

Mike starred at himself in the mirror. He wasn’t sure why he kept going along with his friend Arnold’s suggestions for these blind dates. He really wasn’t interested. Then he did remember. Arnold was his oldest friend. After Arnold’s wife passed away two years ago, he was really down in the dumps until he met Jessica. Jessica put light back in Arnold’s life. She was the one who was really in for all the blind dating of her boyfriend’s best friend. Mike suspected she didn’t like the idea of her boyfriend hanging around with a bachelor too much.

Mike dabbed some mousse and Vaseline in his hair and combed the thick black hair to the side; the left side. Then Mike used the same concoction to slick his eyebrows too. Tonight he was going for the slick sewer rat look. He pulled his tie tight around his neck then let his shirt hang out over his pants. In all of the six months of blind dating, Jessica had not succeeded in bringing anything even remotely interesting to the table. It was almost becoming amusing to him; like a dinner and a movie scene- and he always played his part out.

The women agreed to meet the men at the restaurant.

“How do I look?” Nan asked Jessica as they sat at the reserved table of the Restaurant.

Jessica looked her friend over slowly.

“Did you do the hair yourself? You look nice.” Jessica said with a strained smile.

“Nice?” I was hoping for hot, sexy…maybe even delicious.” Nan said rather disappointed.

“You look like a school teacher actually.” Jessica said slightly under her breathe.

“Excuse me?” Nan asked incredulously.

Before Nan could say another word Jessica stood hurriedly and waved to someone.

“They’re here.” Jessica said excitedly.

That shut Nan up. She preened her hair quickly and smoothed her blouse pushing her chest out just a slight amount.

The men approached and Jessica reached over to hug Arnold. He planted a small kiss on her cheek.

That’s when Nan got her first glimpse of him. He was facing and greeting Jessica so Nan got to see that side of him and then full face as he turned with an extended hand to greet her.

Nan starred for a moment…until she realized her name was being called a second and third time.

“Nan, I’m Mike. I’m so pleased to meet you.” Mike smiled. He smiled a bit too much and Nan found his accent to be rather annoying.

‘Great Intro. Point 1 for me’  Mike thought to himself.

He was greasy. That’s what Nan thought.

She fumbled on her words.

“I’m Nan.” She finally said.

Mike laughed-and snorted.

“I know.” He laughed-and snorted again.

Nan looked at him as though she had just discovered a new specie of ‘greasy’.

“Sit, sit, please. Let’s get acquainted shall we?” Jessica said.

“I heard you are a teacher.” Mike said looking straight at Nan. “How do you do it? All those noisy little people. But they must love you, I bet they love you. They love you don’t they?” Mike said almost too eagerly.

“I teach high school- not kindercare?” Nan said incredulously.” I teach high school- not very noisy at all. And why would you assume they love me?”

“Aha, high school. Well, you really must have some talent then. You are talented aren’t you?” Mike smiled as he said it revealing the tiny gap between his two front teeth.

Nan had to force herself to refrain from focusing on that tiny gap- but it was so…there.

She took in a deep breathe.

“Yes, I am a qualified teacher if that’s what you mean. Umm Arnold, how are you these days?” Nan tried to break away from Mike and his stare.

‘Really, is this the best Jessi could do? This is going to be a long night’ Nan thought to herself.

Arnold and Jessica were engrossed in the restaurant menu, discussing possible options.

They tore away- regrettably from one another at the sound of Nan’s question.

“I…I’m fine, great actually. Thanks. Hope you’ve been well too.” Arnold turned back to Jessica and the menu discussion.

“Gee, its so hard to find good teachers these days. Are you planning on staying for the long haul with it? Mike asked.

Nan sighed.

“Mr…” Nan began.

“Mike…it’s just Mike.”

“Mike…there are lots of great teachers around-lots; and I happen to be one of them. You don’t seem to know much about schools or teachers but…”

“Now wait a minute. Why do you say that? I’ve had plenty- and I mean plenty of experience with teachers. I spent many years working with them, or for them you might say.”

Mike sat straighter in his chair and folded his arms on the table.

“You? Were you an aid of some sort?”

“Aid? No. More like a pain. I mean I was a student for Christ sake- for like 10 or 12 years or something.” Mike said shaking his head.

Nan starred at him.

“Are you serious Mr…Mike?”

“yeah sure!”

‘Gotcha! Point 2 for Mike-Teacher 0’ Mike thought to himself.

Nan starred some more.

“We all went to high school Mike.” Nan tried to sound casual but there was a twinge of anger. She picked up the menu from the table and opened it in front of her face blocking Mike from her view.

Mike picked up his menu- and smiled to himself.

“Ok I’m ready to order.” Jessica finally said. Arnold agreed with her. They had been engrossed in a food discussion for over twenty minutes and didn’t seem to much notice their table partners.

“I’ll have the steak.” Arnold said.

“I think I’ll go for the Sushi.” Jessica said excitedly rubbing her hands together.

“Sushi? Seriously. You trust that kind of thing?” Nan asked.

“I’ll have the octopus.” Mike said with glee.

Everyone looked at him.

“Yeah, they say here it’s the half broiled special. You can feel it still moving in your throat.” Mike said the last part while sloshing his arms around a bit.

Everyone stared at him.

“Octopus and Sushi huh?” I hope your families have great lawyers.

“Don’t you mean doctors.” Arnold laughed.

“No. The doctors can only do so much. It’s the lawyers that will need to win the lawsuit cases.” Nan said straight faced.

They all laughed.

“Well, I think lawyers may have a bit more interesting stuff to work on.” Mike laughed again.

“I doubt it. Aren’t they mostly upscale thieves and liars?” Nan said.

“Wait a minute!” Mike said. He actually forgot himself for a moment and dropped his pretense accent.

Nan picked it up and stared for a moment.

The waitress came to take the order.

Nan stared at Mike.

Mike raised the menu in front of his face.

“Can I take your orders?”

Arnold and Jessica engaged with the waitress.

‘what a nut?’ Nan thought to herself. ‘I could maybe forget the grease but him not complimenting me on my hair or staring at my chest- what kind of a man is he? And why the hell is he so stuck on my being a teacher. Clearly he has no appreciation for what I do, or anything else for that matter.’

‘Mindless boobless teacher my butt. This lady is over the top. Was she going to say something about lawyers?’

Nan gave her order- chicken salad. Mike gave his order- broiled octopus.

The table was quiet for a minute when the waitress left.

“How are you two doing?” Jessica asked.

“Great. Nan works with little people and I work with big people. We both work with-people; So much in common already.” Mike said- and then he snorted.

Nan looked down at the table. She was really rolling her eyes but that was for the table alone to see.

“So what exactly do you do?” Nan finally looked up with a forced smile.

“Oh, hasn’t he said yet? He’s a lawyer?”Jessica said pride fully. Arnold was also a lawyer.

Nan laughed uncontrollably. “You’re kidding right? You?” Nan laughed again.

Mike was hurt. He was also stumped. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to go.

“Now wait a minute here. What’s…what’s so funny about it?” The faked accent was now gone but Nan didn’t notice. She was still laughing.

“I’m sorry. I just…you don’ look like a …a law…” she started laughing again.

“What do you mean I don’t look like one? Well let me tell you…you don’t exactly look like a teacher yourself with that Jane Fonda poufy hair and that …that…what is that you’re wearing anyway?”

Mike was at a loss of words and Nan knew it. She was savoring it- a lot.

Nan ran her hands through her hair and adjusted her blouse- a little provocatively.

“hmmm…I don’t look like the teacher type do I? Well I appreciate the compliment.” Nan said beaming.

“Wait I didn’t mean… I meant…I mean…” Mike tried to gather his thoughts.

The waitress arrived with 3 steaming dishes and a salad and laid them before the group.

“Smells so good!” Jessica said.

“I am starving, let’s dig in.” Arnold said

Mike was watching Nan. He had lost control somewhere and he was dying to get it back.

Nan picked up her fork and tossed her salad.

“Come on is it the teacher salary or watching the figure? The bill is on us guys you know?” Mike’s accent returned. He plopped a piece of broiled octopus into his mouth.

Nan was about to retort. She wasn’t sure what with but she was ready. Then she didn’t need to.

Mike dropped his fork and tried to gasp for air.

Nan starred. Jessica and Arnold hardly noticed because they were so engrossed with feeding each other and describing the different tastes.

Mike grabbed his throat. He tried to suck in another breathe- nothing.

Nan was still looking at him. She wandered how far he was going to go for attention.

Mike turned to Arnold and grabbed him around the collar.

That got everyone’s attention.

Mike was choking- on half broiled special, the kind you can feel as it moves in your throat.

Nan snapped into action. She pushed her chair out and got up. In break neck speed she was around the other side of the table and standing behind Mike. She placed her hands in position and began the Heimlich maneuver.

She had to pump six times but on the sixth out plopped the piece of octopus. It bounced onto Mike’s plate and onto the table. Later they would all agree it crawled on the table about an inch before going limp.

Mike gasped for air again. He looked at Arnold, Jessica and finally Nan. Arnold raised an eye brow at his friend.

Mike shook himself. He placed his hand on his kimbel for a minute.

Then he reached into his pocket, took out a handkerchief and wiped all the grease out of his hair. He un-slicked his eyebrows and tousled his hair back to it’s normal place. Then Mike fixed his shirt into his pants. He reached out to the table for his glass and took a long drink of water.

Mike paused again.

Then Mike extended his hand out to Nan and said- without the accent...

“Hi, my name is Mike and I’m a lawyer. I understand you are a teacher. It’s a great profession from what I understand. Care to join me for a meal?”