What a ghostly scene

 I don’t remember dying. Or… living, really. I just remember waking up, and feeling amazing. Well, not really waking up, but sort of, you know? I opened my eyes and I was in my city, not far from where I lived. And I didn’t realise I was dead, at first. But then people kept walking through me and not responding to me, you know, the classic stuff that makes people realise they died in movies.

I went to my funeral. It was quite pretty, actually. Apparently, I was loved by a lot of people, as it was really crowded. That, or I was just a seventeen year old kid who died in a car wreck, made the news and people showed up just to say ‘The good ones always die young.’ Yeah, whatever lady, I don’t even know you.

That’s also where I met Matt. And get this – Matt isn’t dead! He is an actual, living, human-being. Our introduction went a little like this:

I was leaning against a tombstone, mysterious, watching my funeral from a distance, when a slender, tall boy came up to me. ‘You knew him?’ he asked. I looked around. We were they only ones there. ‘Are you talking to me?’ I asked, confused. He chuckled. ‘Well, yeah, who else would I be talking to?’ I stared at him. He repeated his question. ‘You knew him?’ I shook my head. ‘I guess you could say that.’ Now it was his turn to look confused.

He echoed my answer. Then chuckled again. ‘Let me guess, childhood buddies? Classmates, but you didn’t really talk? Related through some married aunt?’ I shook my head. ‘No.’ I waited for the dramatic effect. ‘I’m him.’

He sniggered. Then, when I didn’t laugh, he said ‘Oh, you’re being serious?’ I told him I was. He didn’t believe me, obviously. After that, we just chatted, and I ended up walking home with him. His, I assumed, mother opened the door. ‘Matthew, what took you so long? Dinner has been ready for an hour!’ I sat down with him at his dinner table. Except for him, no one at the table acknowledged me. At one point his dad said ‘Boy, why do you keeping looking at that chair like you’ve seen a ghost? Eat your dinner.’

And then he believed me. After dinner he offered me his hand to shake. ‘Matt.’ he said. I took his hand. ‘Joseph.’

That was in early January. Apparently I was driving home from school when a truck-driver slipped on some ice and fucking T-boned me. I died on impact.

Matt lived in the same city as I did, but he went to a different high school. My rival school, which turned out to be pretty chill, actually, but don’t tell anyone I said that. He was a senior, like I had been, so his days mostly consisted out of going to school, studying, working at a local burger joint, and going to parties. And he let me tag along. We became friends. Time went by pretty quick. Matt graduated, we spend the summer at his friends beach-house, and before I knew it I followed him to the other side of the country for college.

Which brings us to here, now.

I’m sitting in a corner of Matt’s dorm room, while he and his two best friends, Lucy and Chris, ‘study’. In reality, they’re just discussing what they’re going to wear to the big Halloween party next week. ‘I think I’ll go as a ghost.’ I tell Matt. He chuckles. Lucy squeezes his thigh. ‘What’re you laughing at? You don’t think that’s a good idea?’ He pushes her hand of. ‘I actually wasn’t listening, I just thought of something funny.’ he eyes me. I act like I don’t see it and keep reading in my book.

I had just settled on Matt’s bed when he came back from the shower. ‘You coming to class today?’ he asks. I shake my head. ‘No, I’m really digging this book. Plus, I hate the prof that’s teaching this class.’ He lifts his eyebrow. ‘Really? What class do I have this morning?’ I bite my lip and look at him. ‘That boring one.’ he throws his towel at me and laughs. ‘You don’t even know, man! I’m offended! I’m your only friend and you aren’t even interested in my life!’ I throw his towel back at him. ‘Go put some clothes on before I catch feelings.’ I laugh. He winks and turns around to grab a shirt.

Ten minutes later he is out the door and I’m alone again. After an hour or so of reading I get bored and turn on the TV. My eye falls on the date in the corner of the screen. October 31^st. Halloween. I used to be my favourite holiday when I was a kid, I loved it more than I loved Christmas. I would go trick and treating with my sister, and after we’d watch a scary movie. My sister was a couple of years older than I was, and while all of her friends were out partying, she would spend the night with me.

Wait. Did I just remember something?

At around seven that night I’m sitting on Matt’s bed, watching him change into his costume. ‘I asked Lulu to come over, I need some help with the make-up, so she should be here soon.’ I nod. ‘That’s fine. You gonna tell me what you’re supposed to be yet?’ he turns around, and looks at me offended. ‘You can’t tell?’ I shake my head. ‘You look like… a normal seventeen year old kid on a bad day, to be honest.’ he smirks. ‘Wait ‘till you see the make-up, that’ll really pull it together.’ I stare at his outfit a little longer. ‘Wait a second…’ he had already turned back and our eyes lock in the reflection. ‘Are you me?’ I look down at my clothes. Basic blue sweater, jeans, black Vans. He’s wearing the same thing, except ripped and smudged with blood. ‘You motherfucker! You’re me!’ I shout excited. He bursts out laughing. ‘You like it?’ he spins around. I smile. ‘I love it, man!’

A second later we hear a knock on the door. ‘Oh, that must be Lulu!’ I pick my book back up, knowing Matt won’t be able to talk to me when others are in the room. He opens the door and Lucy walks in. She spins and raises her arms. ‘What do you think?’ she’s wearing a nice dress, except it’s torn and ripped and smudged with blood and mud. ‘Nice!’ Matt puts his arm around her waist and pulls her in front of the mirror. ‘We really look like some fucked up kids, huh?’

I don’t realise I’m staring at them until Lucy turns around and looks right at me.

‘Oh!’ she puts her hand on her chest. ‘You scared me! I didn’t see you there!’ she walks towards me and sticks out her hand for me to shake. ‘I’m Lucy, a friend of Matts.’ I stare at her hand. Then I glance at Matt. He is staring at Lucy. She looks back at Matt, confused. ‘Does he not speak English?’ I quickly take her hand.

She doesn’t pass through me. I’m actually holding her hand. Like, I’m touching her. For real.

‘Joseph.’ my voice sounds rough.

‘He’s a… uhm… friend, from back home.’ Matt quickly explains. I nod. Lucy smiles. ‘Oh, how nice!’ She scans my outfit. ‘So you’re coming to the party with us? What are you supposed to be?’ I look down at my clothes. ‘Uhm…’ shit, what the fuck am I supposed to say? ‘He doesn’t have a costume.’ Matt for the save, again. ‘It was kind of last minute, that he came here I mean, so he didn’t have time to pick up a costume.’ I nod, again, feeling like a fucking bobble-head. Lucy seems satisfied with our explanation and starts unpacking her makeup-bag on the bed. ‘Well, let’s get to work, shall we?’

One hour. It took one fucking hour for Lucy to leave. After telling us she promised to pick up Chris and that she would meet us at the party, she left.

‘She fucking saw me.’ I stare at Matt. ‘She fucking touched me, she shook my hand!’ I hold up my hand as proof. ‘I know. I fucking know, dude.’ he rakes his fingers through his hair. I let my breath go, which I didn’t even know I was holding. ‘What the fuck?’ I mumble.

She fucking saw me. I’ve seen her so many times. We’ve been in the same room so many times. And she hasn’t seen me. Ever. And today she just… fucking turns around and sees me? What the fuck?

‘You think it’s because it’s Halloween?’ Matt suddenly says. I look up, confused. ‘What?’ He shrugs. ‘Well, you know… Halloween is spooky season, you’re a ghost, she suddenly saw you… I don’t know man!’ then I realise something. ‘You think she’s the only one?’ I ask. ‘What do you mean?’ I stand up. ‘I mean, do you think it’s only her that can suddenly see me, or is it everybody? Or just… certain people? Who else can see me?’

And then, for the first time in… nine months, I feel alive. Actually, sincerely alive.

To answer my own question: it’s everyone. Everyone can see me. And touch me. And hear me.

Matt and I walked to the party, which was a damn long walk, but it was the best way to meet as much people as possible. And everyone saw me. Everyone commented on my lack of costume. One guy thought Matt and I were a couple, and we we’re dressed up as a before-and-after of a car wreck. We liked that idea, so that’s what we told everyone we met after him that asked what I was supposed to be.

And now, we’re at a party.

And everyone can see me.

And it feels fucking amazing.

Matt left with a girl a while back, and I’m just talking to some people. Like, actual people. Who aren’t dead. Or Matt. God this feels good.

Suddenly I hear a voice behind me. ‘What are you supposed to be?’ I turn around, grinning, ready to give the answer I’ve been giving every time someone has asked me that question this night. ‘I’m…’ I’m interrupted by her gasp. The glass bottle of beer she had in her hand drops to the ground and breaks. I pull her away from the shards of glass. ‘Are you okay?’

Then, I look into her eyes for the first time. And I know her. I remember her face. She was at my funeral. I don’t know who she is, but I know her, I’m sure of that. The second thing I remember from my life. I know her.

Her lips tremble, and in a soft voice she whispers my name.

‘Joseph.’

She knows me, too.