I’ll Love You Forever

Everyone in town loved Clara. She was voted most popular in high school. All the girls wanted to be in her friend and all the guys wanted to be with her. She finished high school and followed her dream of writing for the local paper. She volunteered at the local women’s shelter and tutored underachieving kids most days of the week. She was certainly something special.

The whole town showed up for her funeral.

Everyone wore purple, Clara’s favourite colour. Her friends and family spoke at the funeral. They told stories of long, sleepless nights spent on adventure, memories created and stories worth telling. The love for Clara was extraordinary. It was expected that I would speak. I didn’t. I couldn’t bare to.

I know people were talking, I get it. Clara was my best friend and I wouldn’t even speak at her funeral. I didn’t have the right words to express how I felt. No one would understand anyway.

Clara and I had been best friends since we meet on our first day of school. I was terrified. I was a shy child and all the new faces and sounds were disorienting. I noticed Clara from across the room and was intrigued by her. She was telling a story to the other kids from the class. They were mesmerised by her. She was so animated in her story telling and the whole class was hanging on her very word. Even at 5 years old she was always able to command the attention of an entire room. Clara noticed me staring from across the room asked me to sit with her. She looked at me with those kind blue eyes and warm smile and I suddenly felt safe. She helped me through my first day of school and we’ve been together ever since.

We really were an odd pair. She was popular, beautiful and charismatic. I’m shy, timid and just plain average.

The shock spread through our small town like wildfire. Things like this don’t happen here. It’s a safe and secure community. Everyone knows everyone. And of all people, how could this happen to someone like Clara? People like her don’t deserve to die so young, the way she did. Murdered in her own home. No evidence, no suspects.

It didn’t take long for the rumours to start. As I walked around the service I heard people whispering their opinions about the who, what and why of what happened.

“I heard she had a sugar daddy in the city. If that’s true I bet he did it!”

“Do you think that’s why she broke up with Mike? For sugar daddy’s money? Maybe Mike’s the one who did it. Jealously is a great motivator.”

I rolled my eyes. Typical small town gossip.

“Stacey!”

I turned as I heard my name being called, looking for where the voice had come from. I found myself looking at Mike, Clara’s ex boyfriend. We embraced as I offered my condolences. It had only been 3 weeks since their relationship had ended. I supposed that why people assume it was him. Mike was an amazing guy. He treated Clara so well, he loved her. Clara told me the reason she broke it off was she needed some ‘me time’. They started dating our last year of high school. It killed me. My darkest secret was that I had fallen for Mike the day we meet, the day before he meet Clara. He was perfect with the most incredible eyes, hazel with subtle flecks of gold around the iris. They were eyes that could see straight through to your soul. I knew I had no chance once he meet Clara. They were together 5 years before she broke his heart.

“It was a beautiful service.” It felt like a stupid thing to say.

“Yeah it was.” 

We stood there silently for a moment, unsure what to say.

“Did the police speak to you already?” 

“Yes they have. I was brought in for questioning the day after it happened.”

I recalled what happened at the precinct. How they asked about possible enemies. I told them that everyone loved Clara. They had asked about Mike and their relationship. I told them that there was no way he would have done something like this. They asked about her routine. I explained that every Thursday night was her ‘self care’ night. No one was to disturb and she was always home alone. Everyone knew that.

I have a bad feeling the police are trying to pin it on Mike. I didn’t tell him that part though.

“Have you been questioned yet?”

“Yes. Not much to say except they think I did it. I would never hurt her. You know that right?”

I could hear the pain in his voice. I wanted to say something to comfort him the way Clara would. She always knew exactly what to say.

“Of course I know that! You shouldn’t worry, you cant be arrested without evidence.”

My words weren’t as comforting as I wanted, but it was enough.

“You honestly believe that I’m innocent?”

“A bloody knife in your hand couldn’t change my mind.” I regretted saying that as soon as the words left my mouth. “Sorry, that was inappropriate.” I was ashamed by what I had said and couldn’t meet his eyes.

“No it’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

He stood there staring at the ground for a moment rubbing the back of his neck.

I had to say something to break the tension but what? It was Mike who broke the silence.

“I’m going to find out who did this to clear my name and make sure they pay for what they’ve done.”

I stared at him for a moment. Trying to gauge whether he was serious or not. His steady gaze told me he was.

“Are you sure that’s what you want to do? You should let the Police handle this. You don’t want the person who did this coming after you too.”

He must have heard the fear in my voice. He moved closer to me and put his arm around my shoulders. He smelt like summertime.

“Come on Stace, you don’t have to worry about me.”

His confidence was reassuring. Or maybe that was just his touch.

“If you are determined to do this I’m going to help you.”

“No! I don’t want you involved in this.”

His words were low and sharp and took me by surprise. His concern for me made my heart flutter.

“She was my best friend, I can’t let you run off and get into trouble. She would never forgive me for that.”

This time my words seemed to comfort him. To know that Clara had still cared seemed to reassure him. He stared at me for a moment then smiled.

“Fine! You twisted my arm. Meet at my place in an hour and I’ll show you what I’ve got”

We parted ways and as he got in his car to leave I could feel my stomach tying up in knots. Something was telling me this wouldn’t end well.

I made my way to his place, the same route I always took. I could drive here with my eyes closed. Clara, Mike and I spent many hours hanging out in the basement of Mike’s parents place. He moved back in after Clara left him.

I parked in the driveway then made my way up to the front door. The yard still looked the same as it always had. Same rose bushes, same garden gnomes, even the letterbox with the dent from the time Stephen James drunkenly collided with it from 4 years ago was still there. I missed those days, it was a simpler time.

Mike opened the door before I was even able to knock.

“Come downstairs. I’ll show you everything.”

We walked down the squeaky stairs to the basement. I was taken aback by what I saw. One whole wall was covered in newspaper articles, notes and photos. It was like a scene straight out of a crime movie.

“Mike what is all this?”

He didn’t seem to notice my concern as he smiled and started explaining his ‘masterpiece’.

“This here is my theories about what could have happened, the people I’ve spoken to, articles from the paper, police reports. I feel like I’m so close but there seems to be something missing. Something that I cant seem to see. Not yet anyway.”

I tried to conceal my panic. This wasn’t good.

“Wow! That’s a lot of information. So what’s your theory?”

He walked over to the far left of his creation and pointed to what looked like a timeline then cleared his throat.

“Well, on the night of the murder, Clara left work at 5:30pm. It would have taken her roughly 15 minutes to get home which has her arriving around 5:45. I would assume she went about her usual Thursday night routine. Dinner, bubble bath, face mask, etc. She is then murdered sometime between 8:30 and 10:30. Also someone she knows was at the house around the time she was murdered.”

“Wait a second.” My interest was peaked now. “How do you know someone she knew was at her place?”

“Witnesses.” He looked very pleased with himself at this statement. “I have been talking to people in the area to see what they saw or heard. The paper Clara worked for has been helping me out too. John, from editing, has an in with the Police and has been telling me what they know. Clara let someone in around 8pm. That’s strange as we all know how Clara felt about self care night. I wasn’t even allowed in the house and I lived there!”

My heart was racing. Could they possible know who did this?

“Did he say anything else? What they looked like or what car they drove?”

He lowered his eyes. “No, the neighbour who saw the car didn’t pay any attention at the time. Just that it was a woman who went inside.”

This was too much. I sat down on the couch and put my head in my hands. Mike sat next to me and leaned into me.

“Don’t worry kid, we’ll figure this out.”

But I was worried. 

“I’m going to the house to look for clues. I don’t expect you to come.”

I raised my eyes to Mike, he was already standing and collecting items from around the room and putting them in a backpack.

“It still a crime scene. We can’t go in there.”

“I can if I still have a key.” He smiled as he shook the key dangling from his finger.

I sighed. He wasn’t giving up on this.

“Fine, but I’m coming with you. Don’t try to stop me either.”

I rose from the couch and followed him outside. We got into his car and drove the short distance to Clara’s house.

As we pulled up I got a sick feeling in my stomach. I hadn’t been here since it happened. The place seemed dark and uninviting. I could tell Mike felt uneasy as well. I squeezed his hand and gave him a weak smile.

“So are we doing this or what?”

He smiled back and we both got out of the car and headed for the door.

It was strange. The house looked exactly the same as the last time I was hear. It didn’t feel the same though. What used to be a light happy place now felt evil and cold. I hoped we wouldn’t have to stay long.

Mike stood in the doorway and looked around.

“So what is it that we’re looking for?”

“Evidence that the police couldn’t find.”

He knelt down and pulled two pairs of rubber gloves out of his backpack and handed me a pair. I put them on and watch as Mike started moving around the house, looking in every nook and cranny determined to find something, anything.

I didn’t want to touch anything. I walked around reliving old memories of Clara. I came across a photo of the two of us on graduation day. That was a happier time, before life got so complicated.

I found Mike in the bedroom. He was on his knees next to the bed with his back to me. I called out to him but he didn’t respond. I called out again and this time got a response.

“What did you do?” His voice cold and unforgiving.

“What..what are you talking about?” My voice shook as I spoke. 

He turned to face me, tears in his eyes. He said nothing, just held up a bracelet. It was the friendship bracelet that Clara had given me in high school. It had her name on it. Almost as if she wished to claim me as her own. It had flecks of blood on it.

“Where did you find that? I lost it weeks ago. I’ve been looking everywhere.”

“You’re lying! I saw you wearing it the day before Clara died. What did you do?”

He was standing now. His eyes so dark, those golden flecks no longer visible. I had no way out of this it seemed.

“She made me do it! All the years of treating me like her slave. Putting me down just to keep herself up. I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t mean to kill her but it happened and it can’t been taken back.”

I stood my ground. What’s done is done and it can’t be changed. He will just need to accept it and move on.

“Are you serious right now? She cared about you more then anyone else. Can you at least tell me how it happened?”

I recounted the story of that night. How I showed up to her place, how she was annoyed that I was interrupting her ritual but let me in anyway. I was there to see how she was going after the break up. She had said she was thinking of taking him back. I tried to convince her that it was a bad idea but she wouldn’t listen. She became agitated and demanded to know why I cared so much. I decided it was time to tell her the truth. That I was in love with Mike and she didn’t deserve him. She became furious and stormed into her bedroom. I followed her and tried to explain. She had always had everything she wanted. She was pretty, popular, successful and I was nothing but her side kick that people tolerated for her sake. I was sick of being in her shadow. She struck me across the face. I hit her back and we struggled. She fell and hit her head against the dresser. I panicked and picked up a pair of scissors and stabbed her over and over. I cleaned up all evidence of my presence there then drove home and went to sleep. It was the best sleep I had in years.

“Don’t you see? I did this for you. For us. She deserved this after what she did to you.”

He wouldn’t look at me. My heart hurt at the thought of him being upset with me.

“We can leave this place and pretend like this never happened. We can be together now.”

I reached for his hand but he pulled away.

“Why would I want to be with a monster like you?”

He spat the words out and they cut deeper then any knife could have. He didn’t understand. I loved Clara dearly but I could no longer live under her oppression. I was free. We both were.

“We’re going to the Police station and you’re going to explain what happened.”

“And if I won’t go?”

“Then I’ll just go myself and turn you in.”

He turned away and started heading for the door.

“I’m afraid I can’t let you do that.”

He turned to face me again and was face to face with the gun I had pulled from my purse. He put his hands in the air.

“Stace, come on don’t do this.” His voice shook and I could hear the fear in his voice.

“You’re giving me no choice. Just like Clara did. I loved you more then anything don’t you see?”

My voice was shaking and tears filled my eyes. I told him to sit on the bed. He was pleading with me to reconsider. We could leave this place and never look back. I wanted to believe him so badly, I almost did, but I knew he would just hurt me the same way Clara always did. Maybe they did deserve each other.

I placed the gun to the side of his head. He lowered his head and closed his eyes. I took a deep breathe and pulled the trigger.

The clean up for this was a lot easier. I wiped down the gun and placed it in his hand. I took his phone and wrote a suicide note. Basically explaining how he killed Clara and couldn’t live with himself so had to end it all. People already thought he did it so it would seem believable. I grabbed his backpack and surveyed the room one last time. The friendship bracelet caught my eye. I’ll make sure I take that with me this time. 

He looked so peaceful as if he were only sleeping. I leant down and gave him a soft kiss on the lips.

“I’ll love you forever.”

I left his car there and made the short walk to his place. I would have to take down the crime wall in his basement and pick up my car.

I took everything home with me and burned it. I watched as the fire ate away all trace of evidence to what really happened. I stared into those flames for hours and as the last ember burned away I realised I would have another funeral to attend soon. Whatever would I wear?