169 comments

Sad

did you really think

that i would forgive you?

you broke me.

left me when i needed a friend -

walked away when all i needed 

was a shoulder to lean on.


i believed -

i truly did -

that you cared.

that you’d be there

forever.

but clearly

i thought wrong.


you can’t fix 

this.

i’m oh so

very sorry,

but it doesn’t work

that way.

cause that was one mistake

i’m not willing to forgive.

some days i wish i could,

but there’s a part of me

that simply

can’t let go

of all the pain

that you caused me.


did you know

that you were

hurting me?

that day after day

and night after night

i cried

wondering if what 

you told me was

true.

i still don’t know

and sometimes 

i catch myself wishing

i could ask you.

but would you be honest?

or would it be

just another one

of your lies?

since 

you were lying to me

the whole time,

right?

i think,

but i’m not sure.


am i really all that you said?

all those things

that made me question

why i was

still alive?


people tell me -

or

at least

once did -

that i was special.

but i

seriously doubt 

that.


even if i truly am

one in a million

there’s hundreds of 

people

just 

like 

me.

so yes,

i’m aware

that i’m not special.

but i didn’t 

need to hear it from

you.


when you embarrassed me 

in front of people 

on purpose -

raised your voice

so they all could hear

that you were ditching me

to hang out with

the new girl

from seattle...

damn.

i hated her

because of that.

i made her life 

miserable

because of you.

you asked me

why

i was so

mean to her.

i scoffed and walked 

away

because you didn’t 

know it was

all your fault.


i wish now

that i could have 

forgiven her for

snatching 

you

right out from

my arms,

but she’s gone

moved back to 

Seattle.


i wonder if i was

the reason she left.

she said that

it was because her dad

got a job back in 

Washington,

but i doubt that

too.


wow.

i am

as horrible a person

as you said

i was.

and yeah

i guess it 

really was my

fault,

wasn’t it?

you told me

it was my fault.

that everything was.

and then

i yelled right back

at you

and said it wasn’t,

but now i know

you were probably

right

the whole time.

yet i 

still blame you

for what happened 

to us.


i know

it’s petty,

cause i lied too

to make you feel

more understood

between your divorced parents

depressed mom

and emotional problems.

and so when i felt alone

you lied right back to me.

so maybe

i was just getting 

a taste

of my own medicine

but damn,

was it bitter


you have no idea

how long i reeled 

from the words you said,

and i have no idea

how one person 

could bring me to my knees -

tear my world apart -

like you did.


if that was your intention

then hey,

lucky,

lucky,

you.

you did it.

you won.

are you happy now?

nah.

i bet

you’re still out there

breaking the hearts of people

just like me.

i feel sorry for them -

i really do.

cause 

just like me

they’ll have no

idea what’s coming

until it hits them

smack

like a fourteen wheeler

on the freeway -

and it won’t hurt

any less.


but now,

for some reason i can’t 

explain,

i still can’t forgive you.

it was my fault -

i caused it -

so why is it so 

hard to let you go?

i bet you’ve forgotten

that i even exist by now,

so why can’t i forget you too?

why do you linger in my mind

like a bug bite

that won’t stop itching

and won’t go away?


and 

because i don’t know 

what else to do,

i think i’ll just

blame that on you too,

because there’s no innocent one 

in this game for two,

and you know it.


did you ever really care? 

or was it fake the whole time?

it’s just so hard for me 

to wrap my head around

how good of a liar

that you are -

or should i say

thet you’ve become -

since you weren’t like this before.

at least,

that’s what i’d like to believe.


i hope i haven’t been lying to myself

about you.

were you actually who you said

that you were?

was half of what you said

even a mile out 

form the truth?

did you actually want to 

be with me in the 

first place,

or was it all a scam?


i really would like to know,

but if i saw you again

i’d probably break down -

let the tears flow

let the emotions bubble over -

because i’m oh

so 

sick

of remembering you.

i’m oh

so

tired

of being oh

so 

tired

of you

and your sweet little posse

of friends that used to be mine

until you stole them from me too.


you know,

i used to be so happy.

so carefree.

but you -

you made me grow up 

fast.

too fast.

faster than

i would have liked.

you squeezed me dry 

of the radiant joy

that i used to carry.


i wish i could strangle you -

show you just what it feels like

to choke on your own tears.

to beg

for a car to run you over,

or for you to sleep and never wake up.

because waking up is like

going from one nightmare

to another -

but the second is one

that you can’t wake up from.


i bet

you’ve never felt that before,

have you?

good.

i wouldn’t wish that on anyone

not even you.


i don’t know what i wish more -

that i never met you,

or that you never met me.

such a subtle difference,

but still

one that could change a life - 

and one that changed mine.

so yes.

maybe i did deserve it.

but i will

never,

ever,

forgive you.

November 30, 2020 06:43

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

169 comments

Dorian Gray 📖
15:07 Dec 04, 2020

FIIIII I PASSED YOU I'M SO SORRYYYYYYYY. I WILL DOWNVOTE MYSELF IF YOU WANT...

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
05:21 Dec 05, 2020

NOOOO! Don't do that! I've been a little unactive here, sorry for all the unread comments. But that's alright, really!

Reply

Dorian Gray 📖
13:38 Dec 05, 2020

Lol K!!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Akshaya Sutrave
03:55 Dec 07, 2020

Wow, Phebe, I loved the way your narrative flowed, and the strong emotion present in your story. I understand this is something that happened to you. I'm sorry and I hope everything gets better. You did a great job with your story :)

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
07:12 Dec 07, 2020

Thank you, I hope it all does get better. I'm glad you liked it!

Reply

Akshaya Sutrave
07:39 Dec 07, 2020

Certainly :) You're thirteen, too?

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
16:11 Dec 07, 2020

Yees! You're the one who inspired me to start the process of putting my book on Amazon. I was like, if she's 13 and she can do it, why not me? Thank you so much!

Reply

Akshaya Sutrave
16:41 Dec 07, 2020

Wow, it's nice to hear that from you, Phebe! :) If you need help with anything, I'll be glad to help you on it! I wish you all the best! :D

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
19:41 Dec 07, 2020

Thank you so much, Akshaya!

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Rayhan Hidayat
23:30 Dec 06, 2020

Love the lack of capitalization, it gives this piece a good dose of rawness. Kudos 😙

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
07:13 Dec 07, 2020

Aww, thanks Rayhan! I wasn't sure if it was good or not!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Maya
18:17 Dec 05, 2020

Amazing job! The short sentences really give the story a sad tone and make it flow well. I enjoyed reading it. :)

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
19:06 Dec 05, 2020

Thank you, Maya! I'm glad you liked it!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Dorian Gray 📖
17:06 Dec 02, 2020

Hey Fi I posted a new story!!

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
05:22 Dec 05, 2020

I will read it!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
18:30 Nov 30, 2020

Ack! This was sooo good. I love how you made it have a poetic feel, that was super cool. Also, the emotion and passion in this poem/story is really strong and powerful. You made a few errors, as punctuations and Apostrophe's, but other than that you did a really good job! :)

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
04:57 Dec 01, 2020

Oops, could you point them out please? I typed this up in a grand total of 40 minutes!

Reply

16:45 Dec 01, 2020

Sure! 1. Your punctuation is kinda inconsesent I feel. Sometimes you have commas and periods but sometimes you just have none. Ex: i’m not willing to forgive. - Period some days i wish i could, - Comma but there’s a part of me - Nothing that simply - Nothing (You got better as it went towards the end but it was still kinda spotty) 2. I am not completely sure about this cause I am not a professional poet-er, but I think that I's are supposed to be capitalized. (Also with the beginning of a line but I am not sure about that one eith...

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
05:33 Dec 05, 2020

Thanks! I meant for the i's to be lowercase, but I can see where that would be confusing. It adds to the sad look of the poem. I understand where you are coming from!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
13:04 Nov 30, 2020

Hey! First time I'm coming across your stories, and I absolutely love it! The poetic style is so powerful and breathtaking to read. And if you are a poetry person, which I'm assuming you might be, here's a cool website where you can post poetry! I do both reedsy and this website, and it is the perfect combination. Keep writing, and great story Phebe! https://allpoetry.com/

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
16:08 Nov 30, 2020

Oh, that's interesting. I'll check it out sometime. I'm glad you liked it, thank you!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Daniel Hayes
22:44 Jun 12, 2021

Hi Phebe, this was a very powerful story. I loved the format that you used. Almost as if every line had meaning and purpose. Great Job!!! Also, thank you for all the likes :)

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
17:41 Jun 15, 2021

Thank you so much! And hey, anytime! Just ask.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
A.J. Brown
04:48 Jan 26, 2021

Don't let anyone live rent free in your head. When the thought of them pops up you can't fight it but you can ignore it.

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
05:09 Jan 26, 2021

Aye, aye, el Capitan. :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Rhondalise Mitza
13:45 Jan 25, 2021

Hi, Phebe! Thanks for reading my new story. :) I love your profile picture! I liked this poem, but one thing I would recommend is, it's too long to be a free-form poem (in my opinion) because with longer poems I think it's best if you have a rhythm. I understand that this was more of a personal poem, though, so it reads more like a diary entry, which is fine. I did like it, I would just rearrange some parts or even cut it, there's a lot of repetition.

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
18:24 Jan 25, 2021

Ok, thanks for the feedback! OMG I haven't talked to you in sooooo long!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Amel Parvez
07:38 Jan 18, 2021

WOAH! Amazinggggggggg. Loved it☺

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
19:50 Jan 18, 2021

Aww, thank you so much!

Reply

Amel Parvez
19:54 Jan 18, 2021

Your welcome💜

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Daniel Brown
17:34 Jan 14, 2021

It's been said that there's beauty in simplicity and this is beautiful. :)

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
18:21 Jan 14, 2021

O.M.G. That literally touched my heart. Thank you so much.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Dorian Gray 📖
14:54 Jan 10, 2021

OMG YOU MADE FI YOUR OFFICIAL NICKNAME YAYYYYYYYYYY

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
20:35 Jan 11, 2021

LOL it's been there 4 a while, but ya. WhY nOt?

Reply

Dorian Gray 📖
20:36 Jan 11, 2021

YAY!!!! SO HAPPY!!!! I MADE A NICKNAME!!!!

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
20:42 Jan 11, 2021

*smiles* yeas, ya did! :P

Reply

Dorian Gray 📖
20:43 Jan 11, 2021

EEEEEEEE HAPPY

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
20:58 Jan 11, 2021

Lol ur so adorable...

Reply

Show 1 reply
Phebe Emmanuel
20:59 Jan 11, 2021

U sound like a 2yr old (in a cute way)

Reply

Show 1 reply
Show 2 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Maya
02:32 Jan 09, 2021

I submitted the spirit animal story and you're in it. It's called "Endings and New Beginnings" :D

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
19:20 Jan 09, 2021

OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH I"LL READ IT!!!!!

Reply

Maya
20:20 Jan 09, 2021

THANK YOU!!!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Dorian Gray 📖
16:17 Dec 12, 2020

NEW STORY ALERT!!!!!

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
19:03 Dec 12, 2020

After the chores, my guy.

Reply

Dorian Gray 📖
19:03 Dec 12, 2020

Lol

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Sam W
01:56 Dec 10, 2020

I loved your use of similes, and the story‘s jagged format. There was just one stylistic choice I was at odds with: “or for you to sleep and never wake up.” I would use something other than a period, because the next line is a continuation, or (to my personal taste) perhaps use the period and break the next line off at “because “waking up is like” I enjoyed the read!

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
05:19 Dec 10, 2020

Oh, I see! Thanks so much, Sam!

Reply

Sam W
01:36 Dec 14, 2020

A pleasure:) Mind dropping a comment on one of my subs?

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
05:54 Dec 14, 2020

I will!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Zea Bowman
17:42 Dec 09, 2020

Wow...this was such a fun one to read! I enjoy reading poetry here on Reedsy, especially because I don't see it all that much. This was so full of emotion and depth, I could almost feel the character's pain through their words. Your descriptions throughout this were wonderful, and...*sighs* this was just too good. I especially loved when they said that the person who hurt them made them grow up too fast. I really get that. The ending brought it all together, and like how you had her end it with her saying that no matter how much of that ...

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
22:02 Dec 09, 2020

Thank you so much, Zea! Actually, "that person" is me! This was very personal to me, and I'm glad that it touched you too!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Dorian Gray 📖
16:40 Dec 08, 2020

NEW STORY ALERT!!!!!

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
17:11 Dec 08, 2020

Oh, I'm coming!

Reply

Dorian Gray 📖
17:12 Dec 08, 2020

Yay!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Ava F
22:24 Dec 07, 2020

this is so good!! like rayhan said, the all lowercase really adds to the aesthetic and the dramatic feel. really, really amazing, i am looking forward to reading more of your work!!

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
17:12 Dec 08, 2020

Thank you! I was going for the aesthetic feel!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Writers Block
22:47 Dec 05, 2020

I enjoyed the format. The pauses kept me going.

Reply

Phebe Emmanuel
00:40 Dec 06, 2020

Thank you, I'm glad you liked it!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply