What if

  ‘Where did you get this!’ Rya squeals as she inspects the immaculate antique oil lamp.  The copper metal reflecting the overhead office lights as she turns it slowly. 

  ‘At a street market in Egypt.  A vendor there had them and was selling all different kinds.  That one made me think of you, so here we are.’  Sawyer beams as she watch’s her sister marvel at the petite metal lamp.  ‘The vendor guy said that there’s an old wives tale about the lamp and how it can grant wishes.’

  ‘Like Aladdin?’ Rya laughs speculatively.  ‘That seems a little far fetched sister.  If it was that special why was it at a dingy street market? And why didn’t the man use it to be rich and not have to sell lamps at a street market?’ Her chestnut brown eyes deepen with humor and unanswered questions.

  ‘Yeah that’s what I said too and he gave me some cryptic answer with all wishes come a price; a price that few are willing to pay’. Sawyer mimics ambiguously as she lowers her voice by several octaves.  

  Rya burst out laughing and she watches her sister scrunch her face to imitate the elderly man then crumble in to laughter.

  ‘But really I just liked the ruby and emerald stones on it.  Between them and that lustrous copper, I knew it would look amazing on your nic nak shelf.’  Sawyer smiles as she pointedly looks at Rya’s over-flowing nic nak shelf in the corner of her quant office at  the accounting firm where she has been a partner for eleven years.

  ‘I only have so many because my sister’s a world traveling journalist!’  Rya brags as she affectionately winks at her baby sister.  ‘And yes I agree! It will fit perfectly on my shelf! Thank you sister!’  She smiles as she walks with her sister to the door.  ‘I’m sure Karen will appreciate you adding to my collection.’  She smirks knowing that Karen Rogers, her micromanaging know it all office manager, would get an eye twitch when she saw the newest relic Rya was adding to her collection.

  ‘Points for me then!’ Sawyer laughs as she saunters out of the accounting firm.

  ‘Definitely.’ Rya chuckles quietly to herself as she sits back behind her desk and begins inspecting the gleaming lamp again.  It was about six inches long, slightly bigger than her palm, with a long slender spout and an oval handle. The copper metals flawlessly smooth except for the hand etched swirls that were accentuated by the microscopic granules of emeralds and rubies- as if a gentle breeze was blowing the granules across the copper planes of the lamp. 

  ‘You are gorgeous.’  Rya murmurs as she set the lamp on the corner of her desk and goes back to the mundane paperwork that came with being a corporate accountant.  

  As the hours slowly ticked by, Rya found herself occasionally glancing at the enigmatic lamp and her mind began wandering to the commanding what if questions.  What if it did really grant wishes? What would she wish for? Did she have regrets that she would opt to change if the opportunity arose?  By the time Karen cracked Rya’s door to say bye, her mind was so completely consumed with all the scenarios it created, she didn’t even hear her door open.

  ‘What is that atrocious heap of metal.’ Karen sneers as she eyes Rya’s newest collectible.

  ‘Nice to see you too, Karen.’ Ryan responds as she rolls her eyes.  

  ‘And to answer, it’s my newest collectible from Sawyer.  She just got back from Cairo and found it at a street market.  Isn’t it beautiful!’  Rya croons.

  ‘You could have gotten something prettier at Walmart but it definitely screams Rya.’  Karen scoffs as she gives the lamp one last glare, then turns to leave the office.

  ‘Sawyer’s gonna love how much you pissed off Karen!’ Rya laughs as she scoops up the lamp,places it in her tote, and heads home.

  Later that evening as Rya curls into her bed with her favorite romance novel, she again found herself thinking about the jewel encrusted lamp.  Maybe it was the two glasses of wine or the soft snores from John, her sleeping husband, letting her know that his melatonin had kicked in, but Rya allows herself to ,yet again, think about the cryptic lamp.

  ‘What secrets do you hold, my pretty? How many countless people have you granted wishes for? What is the most common wish?’  She whispers as she slowly wipes invisible dust off the side of the lamp.

  ‘Whisper your secrets to me sweet lamp.’ Rya giggles.

   ‘I don’t grant wishes, sadiqa, I show the path not taken.’  A soft gravely voice breathes,  the soft scent of jasmine filling the air.  ‘what a person’s life would look like if they had made just one different decision or ten different decisions.’

  A startled yelp escapes Rya’s mouth as drops the small lamp, ‘who the fuck was that!’  She hisses as she looks around suspiciously. First at her husband, who was still softly snoring on his side of the bed, then around their spacious tranquil bedroom- knowing there wasn’t anyone there except their two adopted tabby cats whom were curled up together at the foot of Rya’s bed.

  ‘Who said that?’ Rya hisses softly, making sure not to wake up her husband and have to answer the humiliating question of -are you talking to a lamp?

  ‘Not a who,sadiqa, but what.  I am the essence of all realms. The tendrils of every decision each soul makes and the remnants of the options not chosen.’  The deep smokey voice explains.  

  ‘And you have beckoned me.  So tell me  jameela, why have you called upon me? Do you truly wish to see what secrets I hold? To glimpse at what might have been?

   Rya speechlessly gaps at the copper oil lamp as the words floated like whisps of steam permeating her brain fog.

  ‘I don’t know how to answer that.  I don’t know what to say or do or how the fuck a lamp is talking to me.  What might have been? What does that mean? Will it hurt? Will it change anything? Will it turn me into a zombie? Am I seriously talking to a lamp?’ Rya rambles softly, confusion lacing her voice.

  ‘You are a funny one sadiqa.  No to all those implorations.’ The smoky voice chuckles.  ‘I just allow a person to see.  See what might have been.’

  ‘Oh stop with the stupid cryptic responses!’ Rya glares as she tiptoes out of her bedroom, clutching the lamp tightly to her chest, and into her dimly lit home office across the hall.  ‘Can’t you just go back into your lamp and leave me alone?’ 

  ‘I’m only summoned if the lamp finds yearning in your heart.  If it deems your subconscious concerns compelling enough to grant you a glimpse; a glimpse at the other path.’  The lamp hums softly.  ‘And I can hear your unspoken question.  I can hear the the whispering what if’s. So speak them, sadiqa, so we can move past my cryptic responses.’  

   Rya inhales deeply as she closes her eyes and allows her mind to articulate the one fear that she refuses to allow to grow mildew on a bathroom ceiling. 

  ‘Should we have tried for a kid?’  Rya whispers softly, barely even audible.

  ‘Let the winds carry you. Sail through time with me Rya.’  The lamp sang softly as Rya feels her eyes drift close and her body become weightless as she drifts into the warm Jasmine scented winds. 

  ‘Open your eyes a see….’ The winds serenade softly.  

  As Rya slowly open her eyes she sees two people, a woman and a man, sitting in a doctors office as a female doctors talks to them about the papers she’s holding.  All of it so familiar.

  ‘It’s not impossible but it will be difficult and could be hard on your body Mrs Burrows.  But it’s you two’s choice and I’ll respect whatever decision is made.’ The doctor explains as she watches the young couple.  ‘I’ll give you two a few moments to converse.’ She finishes as she walks out of the office, her heels clicking on the tile floor.

  ‘I can handle it, John!’ Rya pleads as she clutched John’s hand.

  ‘Rya I can’t lose you.  It’s not worth risking your life!’ John exclaims, fear saturating his words.

  ‘Just one. Please, just one.’  Rya whispers as tears slip down her cheeks.

  ‘Oh baby, I can’t stand to see you cry.  Ok, ok. We will try but if there is any threat to your life…’ John murmurs as he pulls Rya into his arms.  Then the image dissolves as the jasmine winds blow it away and another image comes into focus.  An image of the same two people but now they are sitting at a kitchen table, papers spread out across the small table.

  ‘You almost died last time!’ John yells in anguish.  ‘We’ve tried four times! You had a seizure, Rya!  Do you even care anymore? Or is having more important than living life with me now?’

  ‘You are making this bigger than it is! I’m fine!’ Rya maintains as she reaches for John’s hand.

  ‘No!’ John exclaims as he pulls his hand from Rya’s.  ‘No more, Rya.  No more. I’m done.’  He says as he stands and walks out of the kitchen.

   ‘Done? Just give up on having my baby?’  Rya whispers to no one as her head falls to the table, a sob ripping through her chest.  A tear trails down present day Rya’s cheek as the image dissipates and the next image appears.  This one comprised of the same couple but in a court room.

  ‘We have come to an agreement judge.  Mrs Burrows gets the house, half of the common property and four thousand a month alimony.  But she does not get the rights to the two fertilized eggs that remain from their failed in vetro.’  The heavy set older attorney states.

  ‘No. I will give him everything, I don’t want anything- just my babies. Please.’  Rya contests meekly.

  ‘Ma’am that’s not going to happen, I’m sorry.’  The judge finalizes.  ‘I agree to these terms.  Take the signs papers down to the filing office.’

   ‘I fucking hate you! I hate you!’ Rya seethes as John walks out of court without glancing her direction.  ‘How could you do this to me! JOHN!’ She screeches as the image dissolves once more.

  ‘That’s enough. I don’t want to see anymore.’ Rya mutters hoarsely, her face wet with tears.

  ‘That’s the end sadiqa.  We do not tell the future, just the past.  Did you get the answer you wanted?’  The warm voice beseeches.

  ‘I think I did, thank you.’  She responds softly as she sits up from the couch in her soundless office, wiping the remaining wetness from her face. 

  ‘It never pays off living in the what if.  Live in the present, because you never know what horrors you barely escaped.’ Rya confides quietly as she places the lamp back in her tote and climbs back into bed next to John, letting his gentle warmth relax her body.

  ‘I’m glad I chose you, my love.’ Rya murmurs as John reaches around Rya’s waist and pulls her tightly to his body.

  ‘Me too baby.’  John sighs sleepily as he nuzzles Rya’s neck.  ‘Me too.’