Chompus

“AHHHHHHHH, I am burning to death,” shrieked Karen outside of her mother’s car.

Karen has been one to be a little overdramatic and to scare the neighbors, with her theatrical outbursts.

“Karen, why do you think you are allergic to the sun, even if you were, you wouldn’t burn to death?" protested her mother. 

“But, but…” Karen went on, “this doctor on the street told me that what I had sounded like I was allergic to the sun.”

“You do realize that the 'doctor on the street' that you’re referring to was arrested a day ago for being high out of his mind,” her mother stated

“Ya, but he still sounded like he knew what he was talking about,” (great comeback Karen).

“The guy was face flat on the floor saying he was a caterpillar before he said you were allergic to the sun.  Tell me how he still sounded like he made sense to you?”

If you were worrying about Karen being in the sun still, she isn't because she is under the canopy tent her parents have outside their home.  Alright back to the story.

“He said he had a degree in dermatology from Harvard,” Karen replied.

“He was pulling stuff right out of his …” well you know what she said, “on command.  He was just trying to scare you, don’t let him do that."

--- 

You may be asking, why and how did she get to that point, well...

Karen had just gotten her wisdom teeth pulled out, and when her mother was talking to the dentist about what to expect from her daughter in the next day or two, she snuck out, while she was high (on chompus, it is like anesthesia, but in this fictional world there is chompus), and she met a guy on the streets who claimed to be a doctor.  By the time her mother found her (she hadn’t gone far, maybe only a few hundred feet from the dentist’s), she heard the last of their ridiculous conversation, which she had referred to earlier in the story.  Alright, now that you know the background of why Karen met up with a high person, back to the rest of the story.   

---

The next morning, when Karen was getting ready to go to her friend's (Jasmine) and play with her two good friends, Allison and Jasmine.  Everything was normal, until after lunch when Karen put on what she was going to wear, she looked like she was going to the moon, in this big hazmat-looking suit.  

“Hmmm, what looks different about you today, is it your hair or maybe it’s the fact that YOU LOOK LIKE BAYMAX FROM BIG HERO SIX!”  her mother screamed in a somewhat playful, but serious voice.  

“You can never be too careful, even if I am not allergic to the sun, I don’t want skin cancer.”

“Okay, but did you know there is this thing called sunscreen, it protects you against the sun,” her mother stated sarcastically.  “You’re really going to go to see your friends like that, I know they are understanding, but I think most people would have something to say about that outfit.”

“I want to go like this mom, I don’t want to burn,” Karen replied

“Okayyyyy…” 

And so they went.

---

When they arrived at Jasmine’s, let’s just say that it is hard to recognize someone in a full-on hazmat suit.  

“Who are you?”  Jasmine asked while laughing.

“It’s me, Karen,” replied Karen, who thought absolutely nothing about the fact that she looked like she was going to go on a space mission.

“What in the world are you doing Karen?” Jasmine asked, still dying of laughter.

“I’ll tell you inside, with some cookies and a glass of milk, and where I won’t die.”

“Won’t die, what has gotten into you Karen?” who, well you guessed was still laughing.  

“Bye Mom!”  

And off inside, they went. 

---

I don’t need to tell you much about how the conversation went because it ran along similar lines to the one Karen had with her mother.  However, she did take her space suit off if you wanted to know.  

Allison arrived, Karen told her the story and the day went on with the three girls having fun, and disconnecting from this fast-paced world.  Surprisingly the three didn’t talk about the hazmat suit after the story was told, until… Karen’s mother came to pick her up. 

---  

When Karen’s mother got there to pick her up, Karen had to go use the bathroom before they left. Which left three people in the room, Karen’s mother, Allison, and Jasmine.

“We need to do something about Karen, she has lost her marbles,” Allison stated in a serious tone.

“Agreed!”  Jasmine and Karen’s mother said in unity.

“I mean, she could probably have Einstein come and tell her there's no such thing as a literal sun allergy, and she would still believe Captain High,”  Allison stated (yes he nicknamed himself Captain High).  “I know there is a sun allergy, but first of all, she thinks she has it, and second, she thinks that the sun will melt her.”

“I got a plan, how about we use suction cups, walk on the ceiling at night when she is asleep, knock her out, blindfold her so thinks she is in bed, and then in the morning, throw her outside her window into the sun so she can see that she isn’t allergic to the sun,”  Jasmine stated quite proud.

“Or how about we use a shot of chompus in the early morning and take her outside into the sun, she wakes up, and boom, she realizes she isn’t burning to death.”  Karen’s mother stated.

“Where are we going to get chompus from?”  Allison queried. 

“Do you guys remember that I am a surgeon, I use those shots all the time for people who don’t want to use the gas mask,”  Karen’s mother replied

“And you can just take them whenever you want?” Jasmine asked astonished

“Sure, we can put it that way,” Karen’s mother said with a chuckle.

“Have you taken them before,” Allison asked curiously.  

“Of course. Those things give you the best sleep of your life, one stab to the arm at night and you're out until morning.  Okay, okay, we are getting sidetracked, Karen isn’t going to stay in the bathroom forever,”  Karen’s mother stated.  “You girls can come home with us.  We'll just tell your parents you’re going to a sleepover, and then at about 5:30 or 6 in the morning, Karen’s getting the jab.  MUAHAHAHA!”

“Sheesh, your kind of evil,”  Allison replied

“Look, when your kid is screaming out the top of their lungs at sunrise, saying a sun ray is on them and they are burning, you sometimes go a little crazy,”  Karen’s mom spat back.

When Karen heard the news that her friends were coming over to a sleepover, she was elated, but little did she know what was in store for her in the morning. 

---  

It was time.  It was 5:35 in the morning, the plan was laid out, Karen’s mother, Allison, and Jasmine were up.  They snuck to Karen’s room, where she laid as still as a rock.  

Karen’s mother had the honors of jabbing the crazy out of her daughter.  

(Play Jaws theme song in your head)  The three stealthily snuck into the room, like a tiger stalking its prey.  Making sure not to wake Karen, they snuck even closer, to where they were within a couple feet, then, Karen started to move, the three stopped dead in their tracks, but Karen just rolled over onto her stomach.

“That was close,” Allison whispered.

Karen’s mother moved ever so closer, then, she pounced, jabbing her daughter in the arm.  

“What’s going on,” Karen asked groggily, pushing herself into a cobra stretch-like position.

Then she came crashing down like a sack of potatoes, with her head going through her pillow and the mattress.  Yes, her head did go through the mattress.

“Well, that didn’t go according to plan,” Allison pointed out

“Meh, she needed a new mattress and pillow anyways,” replied Karen’s mother.

So on they went with their dubiously confusing plan.

---

Onto their next step, which they waited until about seven o’clock in the morning to carry out when the sun was rising.  

At this point, Karen was already blindfolded, and she was out.  She was enjoying the best sleep of her life at this point.  

“Alright, it is time to take her outside,” Karen’s mother stated with authority.

They took her out to the backyard and waited for the chompus to wear out, unlike anesthesia, with chompus, it is like you're asleep, as you wake up rested.

“Ahhh-haaaaaa,” Karen yawned, as she began to wake up, “Why does it feel like something is on my face.”  She began to take off the blindfold when she realized she was outside.  “Oh my gosh, wh- where- why am I outside!”  Karen shrieked.  

“Don’t worry, you have been outside for 45 minutes, and your skin hasn’t melted off like you said it would,” her mother said in a slightly bitter tone. 

“Then how am I fine?” questioned Karen

“Because you’re not allergic to the sun honey, you may have sensitive skin if anything, but you aren’t allergic to the sun,” her mother replied softly, “at least not the way you think you are.” 

---

The four of them waited out in the backyard for about five minutes.  Karen never developed any signs that showed she was going to die because of the sun like she said she would, so she should be fine. 

“See I told you guys, why were you all worrying that I had a sun allergy?”  Karen replied laughing.

“Oh gee, thanks. Throwing us under the bus now,” replied Jasmine, who was laughing as well.

“Come on girls, let’s go inside before Karen explodes, like how she acted she was going to a day ago,” Karen’s mother added in while laughing. 

And so they went inside, laughing for a while - they laughed some more when they showed Karen that her head slammed through her bed, like a meteor into the surface of the moon - Karen didn’t need an explanation for this plan, she knew it was for her own well-being, and to not let some crazy person scare her for the rest of her life.

P.S. I know I made sun allergy in this story extremely literal and not how it usually is in real life.