Upon the Edge

Gradients of pink, red and purple set the clouds alight as the sun said its most whimsical goodbyes. Birds flew across the vibrant sky unable to appreciate the beauty of the scene they had entered. I watched from the edge of the cliff as the remainder of the day began to die. My toes were inches from the edge; a slight misbalance and I would end up a broken heap upon the rocks below. Winds from the east began settling in, lulling the clouds across the waterscape and encouraging them to find refuge for the night. The gentle breeze picked up my hair and played with it for a moment. An urgency began manifesting inside me as I stared at the open world beyond the cliff. The wonders of the clouds and the colours of the sunset were such a marvellous temptation. A desire to fly into the burst of colour and glide across the sky with the birds was pressuring me to leap off the rocky edge. I knew it was impossible, but my mind persisted. My toes inched right up to the edge. I was ready to jump into infinity. Hesitation washed over me like a cold shower, forcing me to realise my folly. The slightest gush of wind would surely push me to my death. A feeling of dread swirled in my stomach, begging me to retreat away from the dangerous edge. I argued with it, claiming the life I had to go back to was no better than any outcome of leaping from the cliffside. My body pleaded and protested, furious with adrenaline. I felt nauseous. A wave of dizziness knocked me backwards and I was once again seated on solid ground. My heart was racing faster than it ever had before. My mind wanted to try so badly, but my body knew that death would follow any attempt to break bonds with gravity. Amidst my internal conflicts, a large eagle landed on a nearby rock. It tilted its head at me before nipping into its wing for a quick clean. I stepped towards it. It hopped backwards and remained alert, threatening to fly away if I dared to wander any closer. It had a secret.

The colours were becoming increasingly contrasted as the sun began to fall. It wouldn’t be long until it was lost to the night. A single star held hope high above the sun, glistening in its quiet glory. It mocked me from its mighty position amongst the wonders of the sky. I stared it down in the hopes that it would take pity and gift me with an invitation and a means to visit it. It did not. That star knew how valuable its position was and would never give it up to the likes of me. It twinkled as the sky darkened some more, hinting that its friends would be arriving soon. It seemed that even the stars were damning me to the earth. I sunk back down onto the rocky cliffside and brought my knees up to my face. Nothing in this world would empathise with me, not enough to grant my wishes anyway. I was stuck in a fragile, simple body unable to soar across the skies and land wherever I saw fit. I was doomed to a life where my ending would be less than magnificent and none would remember me. Being just human was a curse; being nothing at all felt more meaningful.

I lifted my head and looked to the eagle once more, hoping to gain some eye-opening wisdom. Instead, he simply flapped a couple of times before taking off into the sunset. Even the animals mocked me, it seemed. The stony ground beneath me remained warm for the time being. A cooler breeze wisped over the cliffside, indicating that nightfall was inbound. A shiver formed in the core of my body before breaking out and sprinting up my spine. I pressed my hands against the warm stone and pushed myself up. I couldn’t let another sun leave without me. Too many had already abandoned me to the terrors of the dark. My longing for a better life was growing twisted and dysfunctional and it pushed me further into the whirlpool of insanity where my latest fantastical obsessions brewed. This time it was flying away into the sunset; freely letting the air of nothingness support me and becoming engulfed in the sweet caress of the clouds. Freedom was the goal. Not just any kind of freedom though, freedom from my earthly bonds and from the reliance on a society that cares not for the sensitive centre of my soul.

I could see myself leaping into the sunset. That final push away from the earth meant everything to me. It was the undoing of all wrong, the breaking of the chains of shame and the relieving of all ties with mankind. No longer would I have to face the harsh judgement of my own kind or fight against the hierarchy of social order to gain peace. Freedom never came from anything mankind could offer; it came from leaving mankind behind. And that is exactly what I intended to do. An equilibrium of sheer nothingness was the only way to cure the disease that was mankind. But the cure did not discriminate against good and evil. My efforts to be a loveable person, to be true to myself, to find my destiny and become a better person were for nothing. It mattered so little what I did. There were so many others reversing any progress we could have ever made as a species. I began to wonder if life itself was meaningless, for surely, a lack of meaning would have been better than a purpose of constant struggle. I could have thought on it for the rest of my life, but my thoughts were a spec in the eternal gift and curse that was time. And my time was now. I closed my eyes tight and took a deep breath. The edge was closer than it had ever been. I leapt forward.