"That's the thing about this city" said Thomas, "yes it never sleeps" replied Henry, feeling quite drained at this point. "listen, do you hear that? said Thomas, "hear what! responded Henry, gritting his teeth as the pain shot up his right arm, he was trying not scream out in agony, he didn't want to give Thomas the satisfactory. "you see, Henry the world is a small place, nowhere to run, nowhere to hide" Thomas turned and locked eyes with Henry, as he was slumped on the cold concrete roof top balcony, "Thomas listen man, we can work this out where were both winners! "oh really! is that so, my friend" said Thomas, "listen, how long have we known each other" said Henry scrambling for words, any words that would make Thomas stop. "do you remember Christmas 1998? questioned Thomas, Henry nodded yes, not taking his eyes off Thomas, "so if you remember, why are you so surprised Henry that we are here now!?! Thomas stood with his arms outstretched as if he was offering Henry the world. "I feel dizzy" whined henry, "I need medical attention Thomas, for god’s sake man!! shouted Henry, now at the point where if he had the strength, he would put a stop to all this right now, but he was injured and vulnerable and at Thomas's mercy, again! " I bet you thought I would never find out" Said Thomas with a disgruntled huff, " and here we are Henry" spat Thomas. Thomas took a deep breath in, and exhaled and stared out into the night, Henry was freezing, he only had his t shirt and shorts on, he only planned to go to the store for some wine and head back home for the evening, never did he think he would be here on the rooftop with Thomas! "Thomas I really need some medical assistance mate, really I'm bleeding here" pleaded Henry, " mate!! retorted Thomas, "mate your no mate of mine, Henry" shouted Thomas, now close to blowing his top and just getting this over with sooner rather than later, "you see those stars in the night sky Henry? "yes, I see them, and my blood leaving my body by the second" replied Henry with vexation, frustration and desperation, he pictured himself at home drinking the wine he bought, at home in the warm, safe, well kind of. "You see henry, those stars hold great significance at this moment in time, did you know that Henry? Henry shook his head, no, he didn't have a clue what Thomas was talking about, he decided to just humor him, Henry wanted to go home but he wasn't going to beg, especially not Thomas. " I'm sorry" pleaded Henry, "for whatever it is that I did or didn't do" pain and misery were etched on Henry’s face. "those stars Henry" continued Thomas, "are like me and your henry, well maybe not you but me yeah" "they look simple as if there doing nothing, but in-fact Henry those stars are always doing", said Thomas, eyebrows raised he looked at Henry as if looking at a puppy who just urinated on the newly laid kitchen floor tiles. "have you heard about the Hare and Tortoise story, Henry" "yes" said henry, "and who would you say, really won the race ?henry" said Thomas, "everyone knows the tortoise won the race" stammered henry, he was so cold and he needed to take a piss, the wound in his arm was intended to have severe impact on a certain nerve in the arm that would demobilize to rest of the body from being able to move, not life threatening, but henry didn't know that, Thomas did!. "look I'm not a complete crazy fellow, chuckled Thomas, here let me give you my jacket, I want it back" Thomas said in a menacing mocking tone. " so, we established earlier Henry that you have a good memory, you remember 1998, so why are you playing stupid with me? "the stars look amazing" said Henry relising that they may be the way out of this situation, and so decided to stick with the stars for what its worth. “now” said Thomas “this is where this sticky situation that you find yourself in henry could turn itself around for the good Henry” lectured Thomas, “you wouldn’t be trying to pull the wool over my eyes Henry” Thomas asked with layers of suspicion. “No! I’m not playing games with you Thomas, “I’m bleeding, I’m freezing my tods off, I’m confused, I just want this over with Thomas” Said Henry trying to mentally manage the pain he was in physically, keeping his composure with Thomas, if Henry could, he would have thrown Thomas to the stars. “stop bitching Henry, after everything you did, and you’re the one whose upset!?! Thomas laughed and rolled his head full circle to loosen some of the knots, Thomas wanted this moment to last a bit longer.
“I’m going to help you up Henry, no funny business” Thomas said wagging his finger at Henry. Henry leaned against the rooftop wall looking up at the stars, Thomas was looking at Henry, Thomas stood in front of Henry and stared him in the eyes, Henry felt unnerved at this point, Thomas eyes were like black endless tunnels no light at the end. Thomas leaned over the balcony on the rooftop and whistled long and hard, while looking at Henry, “that’s a long way down Henry” Those stars have it good, said Thomas, “you know why? “their always up above the rest, Henry”. Thomas went quiet, not speaking not looking at Henry with the death stare, he just looked up at the stars, Henry could see the glisten of a single tear drop fall on to Thomas, s cheek, (he can cry!!! thought henry with astonished amazement, I didn’t know soulless beings could produce such a beautiful self-expression of unspoken words. He didn’t know what was coming next, but henry knew that he wasn’t meeting the stars tonight. “ok Henry, we’ve been here, doing this for too long now, said Thomas pointing at Henry the stars and space. “Breath in Henry” said Thomas, “you see that’s the thing about this city, it never sleeps Henry” said Thomas.
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2 comments
The beginning hook drew me in from the title page. I was very interested in the relationship between Thomas and Henry, but I found it hard to get immersed because of the formatting. Perhaps some additional practice with dialogue formatting would help, or even breaking it up into separate paragraphs to help with the flow. Overall great story, just brought down by some technical things.
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Thank you for your time in reading my story, I appreciate the feedback.
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