Sue Bell                                                                                    1,295 words

122 Tripp Rd

Ellington, CT 06029

860-748-2886

Suebell307@gmail.com

I had finally reached my limit! At work today, I stormed into my bullying boss’s office and clearly outlined my concerns so there could be no doubt about my meaning. Too much work, too little help, antiquated office equipment, and unrealistic deadlines have pushed me over the edge. Something must be done, now. I am only one person, expected to do the work of two or more. He looked at me like I had two heads and grunted peevishly, “Not really my problem, but I’ll see what I can do.” Turning to leave, I muttered a under my breath, “Nothing is ever your problem, is it?”

The next morning, I arrived at the office to find a large, red office supply company truck in the parking lot. Two men were lowering a curious looking machine on the truck’s tailgate. Then they pushed the shiny chrome and black contraption into the office. They set it up-right next to my desk. What the heck was it? Finished with the installation, the men handed me a pamphlet and left without a word.

The instruction manual for the TACT 2000 was only two pages long, complete with illustrations and numbered instructions:     

1.     Plug it in.

2.     Wait for the green light.

3.     Place the item to be duplicated in the receptacle.

4.     Close the door.

5.     Press the green start button.

6.     Wait.

7.     Repeat as needed. 

Was it just a copier? How was this supposed to help me deal with my ridiculous workload?

As I contemplated the possibilities, my obnoxious boss burst in juggling his coffee cup and exclaimed, “Oh, it’s here! Why haven’t you used it yet?”

“I was just reading the instruction manual, or should I say brochure. What exactly does it do?” I asked.

“I stopped at the office supply store last night to see what I could find to help with your incompetence. They were demonstrating this marvel of new technology and I just had to have it. It’s extraordinary…watch.” Looking like he had just discovered electricity, he placed his cup into the designated area, pushed the button, and waited. The TACT 2000 whirred and lights flashed until a conveyor belt on the other end began to move. Out rolled a steaming hot cup of coffee, identical to the one he had placed into the machine!

“Wow! That is amazing! Can it do that with anything?” I asked.

Glaring at me, arms folded across his ample paunch, he picked up a notebook, shoved it in and an exact copy came out.

“Incredible! But, how is it going to help me,” I argued.

He snarled, “Do I have to do everything around here? Figure it out.” Shoving the duplicated cup at me, he stomped out.

What just happened? This is fantastic, bordering on something out of a weird science fiction show. What else could it do? The possibilities were endless. Starting out slowly with basic office supplies, I copied a pen, a stapler, a glue stick. Before long, I had two of everything. Next, the sweater that I kept in the office. Out came an exact replica, missing buttons, hole in the elbow, and all! What about this cactus? Yes! My lunch? Unbelievable! 

So far, everything had been small. Let’s try something larger. Scanning the room, I zeroed in on a floor lamp. As I placed it into the receptacle, the cord got tangled around my ankle causing me to tumble towards the TACT 2000. Trying to break my fall, one of my hands pushed the start button as I was swallowed by the machine. When it stopped a few seconds later, I stepped out of one end, shocked but otherwise unharmed. There, on the conveyor belt, was an exact double of me, complete with a lamp cord wrapped around my…her ankle! This could be the answer I had been looking for, an office assistant!

Considering all the benefits of another me, I thought, this is going to be so helpful.  I began to make a list of tasks for the new helper; file these, copy those, call this supplier for a quote, schedule a meeting, etc. She worked on the list, I handled the phone calls, and before long, things were looking better. Since I had made a copy of my lunch, we both took a break and enjoyed some down time. 

After lunch, my right-hand woman exclaimed, “OK, let’s get back to work. I’ll answer   phone and you work on the To Do list.”

Hands on my hips, I replied, “Wait a minute there, answering the phone is my job, the other work is yours.”

“No, it’s exactly the same as it was this morning. I’m phone, you’re all the rest. You seem to be a bit confused about who ‘you’ are. I’m in charge, you are the assistant,” the pushy phony declared.

What is happening? My office has been hijacked by a…a what? Clone? She has to go, but how? 

“I am going to the lady’s room. By the time I get back, please have a project started. I will handle the phone calls.” Exiting the room, I asked myself, who does she think she is?

As soon as I left the room, my doppelgänger grumbled, “She wants to answer the phone, let’s see how many she can handle.” With that, she unplugged the desk set and placed it into the TACT 2000. On the keypad, she pressed five and start. Within seconds, five phones appeared. Soon they all began ringing. “Excellent! She’s going to need a few extra memo pads to take all those messages.” She placed a pad into the receptacle and pressed ten, start.

When I returned, memo pads were piling up. I gasped, “What are you doing?”

.

“Just getting you set up to answer all the phone calls!” Without a moment’s hesitation, I shoved my mischievous minion away from the machine. Tripping over the pile of notebooks that had spilled onto the floor, she fell in headfirst screaming, “You bitch!” as she vanished.

My attempts to stop the machine only managed to increase the number of copies to 100. Within minutes, the room was full of women who looked just like me, shrieking, “You bitch!” at each other. The howling, angry swarm spilled out into the hallway, then the parking lot. It looked like clearance day at Neiman Marcus! 

What could I do against this out-of-control pack of women? Maybe I could at least stop the mob from getting any larger. Quickly, I made my way through the mayhem and pulled the plug. The TACT 2000 became quiet. Soon the room and surrounding areas were silent as well. I was the last one standing. My alter egos had been reduced to sheets of paper and were scattered all over the office, along with pictures of notebooks, phones, and all manner of office supplies. Everything that had been duplicated was now just a piece of paper. 

As if on cue, the boss charged in bellowing, “What is going on in here? What have you done to my magnificent machine?” Scanning the debris, he resumed the tirade. “You have destroyed your last chance of getting some office help. Just look at this mess! Clean all this up before the end of the day.” In his reckless hurry to plug in the TACT 2000, he slipped on some of the papers and fell in face first. As the last of his Ferragamos disappeared, I did the only thing that came to mind.

Pulled the plug. 

Before turning off the lights and locking up for the night, I surveyed the neat and tidy office and whispered, 

“Good night, boss.”