Jaded Heart

Later the next evening, after Leighton was sure everyone was asleep, she grabbed her black butterfly hoodie from her wardrobe and stealthily snuck out of the house. It was her first time sneaking out but going to see Huey was something she had to do alone. However, once she was out of the house, the waves of regret started pouring in. But Leighton was not going back. Because she knew if she walked back in there, she would never get around to speaking to Huey. A glance at her wristwatch revealed she was a half-hour late. She just hoped he was still there. Otherwise walking out in the freezing cold would be for nothing.

Leighton was already regretting it as she got out of the cab onto the sidewalk. A chilly wind swept over her and she hurried inside the coffee shop to warm herself. Inside the Starbucks was warm and smelled of baked goods and coffee. A quick scan of the cafe revealed that Huey sat at a table in the back. He waved her over when he spotted her and she made her way to the table. Shortly after she sat across him, two cups of coffee were brought to their table. Leighton raised her eyebrows at him. He pushed a cup towards her. Hesitantly, she reached for it and took a sip.

"This is good," she said, taking another sip.

"Soy milk, no sugar, right?" Huey asked, not touching his own coffee.

Leighton glanced at him in surprise. "How did you know?"

Two teenage girls in jeans and padded jackets, both with heavy rucksacks on their backs, wrapped their hands around steaming brews of hot chocolate as they passed their table. One of the girls glanced at Huey and whispered something to her friend and they both began to giggle. Huey heard the laughter and glanced at the girls. He shook his head at the unwanted interruption and then grimaced at the plastic cup in front of him. It was brimming with thin, brown, warm liquid.

"It may not have looked like I cared, but I noted things about your life," he said.

"You noted them and did nothing to fix them. If you are not part of the solution, you are the problem."

Huey flinched. He touched the cup without taking a sip. "I know I'm not the best brother out there. Not even close. I have been a terrible older brother."

"No shit, Sherlock," she scoffed and gingerly sipped the tea.

"Let me explain," he said. "And after that, you can call me whatever names you want and choose to never see me or speak to me again."

"Okay."

"When mom and dad died, I should have taken care of you. It's what they were always telling me to do when they were alive. They always wanted me to protect you. The truth is, I was jealous of you. They did everything you asked, never complained when you did something wrong, they doted on you. Before you were born, dad and I were best friends. He used to call me his champion. After you were born, it was like I no longer existed. Already we did not have much in common but after you came along, it was a sealed deal. I no longer had a strong relationship with my father. I didn't even look like him. You have his eyes. They're beautiful.

"And then the accident happened. Dakota hated you because you looked like dad, whom he hated even more. When I saw how he mistreated you, at first it bothered me. Because you were my little sister. But then I realised something. Dakota actually loved me, it was my chance to shine. And as evil and selfish as it sounds, I chose the attention of an evil old goat over the safety of my own little sister. I was so desperate for the love of a family member, I was willing to overlook the pain I was causing you."

"There's nothing I can say to change what you have been through. When I saw the way Dakota abused you, to make sure I felt no guilt or regret, I made myself believe that you deserved it. But even as I lied to myself I knew I would one day have to admit to it. You did not deserve to kneel on those rocks. You did not deserve to lose your hair. To be beaten at night. To be starved and overworked. You deserved so much more. Much more than Dakota gave you. More than I can ever give you," Huey's voice cracked and Leighton saw tears glisten in his eyes. He sniffled, forced back the tears and continued.

"But when I realised the horrible mistake I had made, I thought it was too late. I saw what Dakota did to you and I knew if I got in the way, he would kill you then maybe me too. He told me you were evil and everything he did to you, you had it coming anyway. I was scared of the truth so I believed him. I made myself not care. I closed my eyes to the physical pain and emotional wounds he was inflicting on you. The scars that all over your body, they're all because of my cowardice. I am a coward, a horrible big brother. I don't deserve to even look at you. To breathe the same air that you do. I'm not asking for your forgiveness, I don't deserve that. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for the pain I caused you."

"Stop beating yourself up about it, Huey," Leighton chastised. "Dakota is as much to blame as you are. But you don't see him drowning in regret. Neither should you. The important thing is that you have realised your mistake and apologized for it. This guilt that you are feeling, you must get rid of it. Because if you can't forgive yourself what I say doesn't matter."

Huey looked up from his cup of coffee and stared at her. "That's something Erika would have said. You may not look like our mother, but inside our heart is just like hers."

Leighton's cheeks warmed. It was the first time anyone had ever told her she even marginally resembled her mother. She had always been her father's child. Hearing her older say that, made her feel lighter inside, relieved and different.

"And if you really are like our mother, you'll consider what I have to say. I know it's a lot to ask, I'm not even sure I'm doing the right thing by asking this but I want to be a part of your life. I know we share blood, but I want us to share more. To share our lives with each other. I want you to be able to call me when you need help. I want to be able to tease you about your crushes and beat up every boy who tries to mess with you, I want to have your back. And maybe, just maybe you can have mine."

"Huey—" Leighton started but he cut her off.

"I'm not finished yet. You told me you would listen so please just listen." She nodded her head so he took that as a cue to continue. "I want us to spend time together. To catch up on each other's lives so we can worm our way into them. I want to have my family back. That's you, Leighton. You are my family. In all, I just want you, to want me back. If you don't need me in your life then I am nothing."

"I need a moment to think about it," she said after a long silence.

"Thank you, Leighton."

"Why are you thanking me?" Leighton questioned, staring at the swirls of milk in her warm coffee. It was beautiful she wished she had brought her camera with her. She made a mental note to herself. From now on, always bring the camera. That way she'd have a way to capture the moments and something to remember Joshua by. Back to Huey. "I haven't said anything."

"If I'm right about you being just like mom, I know you'll make the right choice." Now that he had gotten everything off his chest. Huey dared a sip of his coffee. It was warm and sweetened but lacked the surge of caffeine he needed. He couldn't remember why he had asked for decaf.

"What was she like? Mom? I used to be so jealous of you because you had so many more memories of our parents than I did. As it turns out you were jealous of me too."

"That's just how human beings are. We are never satisfied with what we have and always want what others have that we don't. Even when we don't understand it. It's a disease we can't get rid off but must learn to live with. It's God's way of reminding us that we can never be perfect."

Leighton grinned at him. "So what you are saying is that someway somehow, we are all bad?"

"Yes." He sounded excited that she was following all that he had been saying. "But it doesn't mean we have to face it alone. We can be a family."